Friday, February 27, 2009

27th February

God works in weird ways.
He works in ways we cannot see.
And He always make a way for me no matter how bleak the future seems.
Let me give another testimony.

I was woken up at 9.30am by WanSim who had a job for me. She needed me to bring the One Life Event banner to M2 hostel. The banner is a 2.5mx0.8m and is made of thick plastic fibers. Heavy..

I needed to compile the program list for the different committees so that I can pass to them and brief them about the major points they needed to look out for during the event.

I needed to print the program lists after I was done with them.

WanSim called around 11.30am to ask me to bring Marcus' bible for him.

Vashni requested that I bring a bag of refreshments for Rev. Kevin Loo as she was hospitality team but she didn't want to lag the bag with 2 bottles of mineral water to class.

I have russian class at 2pm till 5pm.

I have to attend the Combined Leaders Meeting compulsory for all leaders which begins at 7pm but we needed to be there by 6.30pm for prayer and to prepare to receive the Rev.

*************************************************************************************************
There you have it, the things that I had to complete today. Let me tell you about how God blessed me during this day. (",)

I began typing at my computer. I worked at putting the program lists together and it took a rather long time. Perhaps I'm so not made for this kind of secretarial work. By that time, after the distractions of taking the bible and Vashni's refreshment bag, I completed the program lists around noon. To make it on time for my class, I had to leave latest by 12.30pm. So I went to print the lists. And lo behold, Vashni already left for her class and she left me the key. So I had to go and print the lists myself. And with editing it and checking it and then printing it, all done myself, I came back to my room at 12.40pm. Shocked myself. But I told myself that I could still make it on time if I rushed.

And then, guess what, I saw the banner. The large heavy burden it was, sitting beside my bed. And I still needed to drop by M2 which was out of my way to pass it to Pauline. Second shock. And this time, I knew I'd be late. And really really late for class. But I had no choice. I got my things together and left the room. On the way out, I remembered God. So I kinda disbelievingly just told Him that I'd be late for class, but I still sorta hoped that He would give me a safe journey and take care of me while I travelled. In His way of course.

I caught the bus that would take me to M2, and whispered a thank you to God. And then, surprise surprise.. I got a message from my russian teacher saying that she would be an hour late due to heavy snowfall and a broken down car. Wow! My heart leaped. I thanked God. Somehow, by some method that even I could not dream of, He had provided a way for me to still make it to class on time, by delaying my teacher.. =p

I called my groupmates to inform them and WanSim took the opportunity to ask me to check the USD-rouble exchange rate at Yougo-zapadnaya. I told her that I wouldn't pass there already since I was already at M2 and it would be nearer for me to get to Konkovo instead. Then I got a call from Pauline saying that she wanted to get to class already. I was wondering how could I allow her to drag such a heavy burden to class and back when I got another call from SuetYin asking if i needed help in anything while she was at the hostel. Praise God, problem solved. He provided suddenly for no apparant reason. I had only asked Isaac to supply me with a name of someone still in M2 hostel and he had given me Pauline's name. He had no reason to call SuetYin to help me, but he did. I praise God for His Hand in all things.

After passing on the banner, relieving myself of some heaviness, I decided to take the slightly longer route to Yougo-zapadnaya to do WanSim a favor of checking the exchange rate. I thought it'd be only slightly longer. But I didn't realise that that route was heavily jammed. And this time, I would be really really late. Exceptionally late for class. I decided to just let things be. Again, God didn't fail me, my teacher came 2 mins after I arrived. (",)

Look at how God blesses me and takes care of me? He helped me to achieve things in a way that was impossible, improbably, something that I could never have thought of. Praise Him the most High who still takes time out to show me how much He loves and cares for me..

*************************************************************************************************
And now,
For the main event,
The combined leaders' meeting with Rev. Kevin Loo from Malaysia.

The main structure of building a church is strong leadership.
It would be easier to teach 60 leaders than 60 members,
Because then the work would be lightened by 60x.
Thus,
The question was,
How strong can we build the base of leadership?
And are you qualified or not to be a leader?
Well,
All human beings need to be leaders,
We all need to lead ourselves.
*To lead others, use your heart.
To lead yourself, use your head*
This means that we can not be emotional when leading ourselves.

"Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord rises upon you."
Isaiah 60:1
For He who chooses to live inside of us,
Lives in our very core.
"Koelia" (greek)
Means the space between our diaphragm and ribs,
Our very core.
And so,
Now that God Almighty lives inside of me,
What Should I Do?

If we could go back to Genesis 0:0,
We find that there was nothing,
But even during that time,
He already knew me,
He already planned for me,
He already loved me.

The Bible,
Begins with Eden but ends with Jerusalem,
Begins with Abram but ends with Abraham (father of many),
Begins with Sara but ends with Sarah (mother of many),
Begins with one who was hated (Joseph) but ends with a prime minister,
Begins with a shepherd (David) but ends with a king,
Begins with fishermen but ends with fishers of men.
Therefore, we can see that the Holy Spirit is the spirit of increase.
The Glory of God increases when we increase our understanding of God.
God cannot change,
He is complete,
Perfect,
From the very beginning.
It's us who has to change.
Our perception of God will determine the kind of life we'll live.
1, God has chosen us for a great increase.
2, Be committed for greater good in our life.
3, We must set ourselves free for greater increase.

Eternal life begins the moment we believe in God.
Eternity is not a place we go to after death.
Eternity is the realm in which God dwells.
If you say that we who live in the mortal realm,
Can only go to God in eternity after we die,
You are so wrong..
Eternity is a realm with no concept of time,
Constant,
For growth can occur only with time.
Thus, when we know God,
We begin to experience God's realm in our lives.
Increase in our lives is never determined by circumstances,
It begins on the inside of us.

And now,
The problem of Poverty and Prosperity.
Poverty is not the state of not having,
But the fear of not getting causes you to hold on to what you already have.
Prosperity is not the state of having,
But expectations and faith of increase which causes you to give from which you already have.
And increase not only in money,
But in every area of our lives.

"The blessing of the Lord brings wealth, and he adds no trouble to it."
Proverbs 10:22
From here, we can see that there's no catch to God's blessing.
And God's blessing brings wealth.

"But the noble man makes noble plans, and by noble deeds he stands."
Isaiah 32:8
So we need to plan for the wealth God will give us.

"But remember the Lord your God, for it is he who gives you the ability to produce wealth, and so confirms his covenant which he swore to your forefathers, as it is today."
Deuteronomy 8:18
And the Lord has given us the ability to generate wealth.
Money can't buy happiness,
Very true,
But money can buy candy,
And that can bring about happiness,
Not only to yourself,
But to others as well,
Be realistic.

Only 2 kinds of people do not need money:
1, People who are dead.
2, People who don't have visions for their life.

Money is not the answer for everything,
But we need money for quite a lot of things,
Thus,
We need money,
But don't let money control you,
You control the money.

Money?
You have an edge,
Use it!

Christians with the Holy Spirit and don't use it,
Is just like a soldier with a gun but doesn't know how to use it.
As a Christian,
We have an unfair advantage,
It's called DiScRiMiNaTiOn.
Because God gives us favor,
Because we are children of God.
So we need to learn how to use this unfair advantage correctly.
(fine line here, don't overstep your boundary!!)


And so,
The Financial Vision Pie.
1, Tithe (10%)
We need to learn to put vision in our finance.
The wealth of God is like a river,
Agreed?
But we are not God,
So our wealth is only like a pie.
Placing food in a place where it doesn't belong,
The rats will come and destroy it,
So put your tithe properly,
And more will be given on to you,
Not taken away.

2, Savings (10%)
A bank account without an atm card,
Understand?
Clear as day.

3, Investment (10%)
The mistake most people make,
Is that they invest their savings.
Don't ever invest savings,
Savings are never to be moved.
Investments are for things like insurance...

4, Rainy Days (10%)
You may fall sick?
Motor vehicle accidents?
Flu?
Отработка? =p
You get what I mean..

5, Retirement/Wedding/Education (10%)
I don't need to elaborate here..

And from the leftover 50%,
this is what defines how you live,
after giving of offerings,
taxes (Give to Caesar what belongs to Caesar),
rental,
car loan,
neccessities,
food,
etc.
Whatever leftover?
Shopping,
Travelling,
Partying,
Is for you to enjoy life with as God's blessing. (",)

And now,
To the main topic,

1, Faith bring increase.
Faith will cause our walk with God to be alive.
Faith is not visible,
But,
Things invisible are more powerful than things visible.
If our faith can increase,
It can also decrease!!
And one can never understand faith until one has overcame fear.
Faith will increase when we step out,
And the light will only be bright enough for us to take the next step.
Just as a car headlights will only illuminate the road to be taken,
And not the destination.

"Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word of Christ."
Romans 10:17
A leader's life is a tougher life,
But a much better one.
Live with more faith,
And you'll see God in every step.
This is the best life one can have.

God knows as well,
The desire of our hearts,
And He rewards/gives us our desires respectively.
Believe me,
This is so true.

2, Wisdom increases increase.

"Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom. Though is cost all you have, get understanding."
Proverbs 4:7
Just as a professor gives information at lectures,
How we digest and apply the information is wisdom.
Provision,
God used to provide,
The israelites in the desert,
They had manna and quail,
And all they had to do was gripe and complain every day.
Where was the labor?
Where was the hard work?
God provided provision.
Possession,
Was now Joshua's turn.
He had to lead them to possess the promised land,
They had to work for it,
They had to believe.
The 10 unbelieving spies,
They still wanted God's free provision,
"They're too strong for us,
They're like giants and we're like grasshoppers,
We can't fight them"
(O Lord,
U kill them for us and we'll just walk up and take the land,
Just like the manna and quail)
But when they worked,
They marched for 7 days,
They did their part,
And God provided with His provision,
The walls came down with only a shout..
How cool is that.

So now, God wants us to move on to Possession from Provision.
We have to take for ourselves what is meant for us.
Nothing is "free" any longer. (",)
Lord is You love me then bless me.
That is long over,
For the Holy Spirit is already with us.
As for me,
I need to become a doctor,
That can give medicine and the hope of life to my patients.

3, Honesty/Integrity keeps the increase.
Be honest,
Remain honest,
And we will continually be blessed.

How good is the Lord,
And how wonderful is His Word.
And here's the man of God who made this possible,
Reverend Kevin Loo
Senior pastor of City Harvest Church KL
The fastest growing church in Malaysia
From 20-1400 people in 2 years
(He can, we can)
Faith..!!

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

MF Graduation

There.. The MF Graduation pic. Can anyone find me? =p













I really need to find a better one..

Monday, February 23, 2009

Sunday's Sermon

Sunday's sermon at ICA really struck me.. So I'll share it with you all. Hope it blesses you too. (",)

10 Reasons To Hope When You're Hurting..

1, God Is Truly In Control.
2 Corinthians 1:8-9

2, There Is An Eternal Life To Come.

3, The Story Isn't Finished Yet.
Genesis 50:19-20

4, God Has Not Given Up On You, Don't Give Up On Him.
Jeremiah 29:11

5, There Is Likely Purpose In Your Pain.
James 1:2-4

6, You Are Loved.
Isaiah 61:1-3

7, Your Prayers Are Heard.
Matthew 7:9-10
Jeremiah 33:3

8, You Are Not Facing This Alone.
Hebrews 13:5-6

9, Others Have Made It Though, You Can Too.
Ecclesiastis 4:12

10, Reach Out To Someone Else Who Is Struggling.
Philippians 4:6-7

And so I've come to realize,
That God has once again reminded me,
That He's there.
It's not about the pain,
It's not about the suffering,
It's not about me,
But it's all about Him.
Everything I go through has meaning,
Every pain I feel through my heart has a purpose,
I'm supposed to become a better man.
So, I take heart,
And tell God,
Hold me and my life once again,
Don't let me feel pain alone,
But help hold me past the suffering.
Moving on.

By the way, on this very special sunday, 112 Malaysians from both MMA and RMSU graduated from the discipleship course which lasted 4 months. And of course, I was among them. It was a great event, we received signed certificated from the pastor in front of the whole church and we took photos and had fun. Unfortunately, I only have one photo now. When I can get the group photos, I'll update the blog again.. (",)



















*tee hee*

Saturday, February 21, 2009

My testimony.

I recall.
2 weeks ago,
Sitting in church,
It was time for offering,
The pastor was praying,
My eyes were closed,
I recalled,
My responsibility,
Requesting sponsorship from Russian Resources Sdn. Bhd.,
The meeting didn't go well,
Subsequent correspondence was dejecting,
I was wondering,
If they would ever decide to sponsor,
USD 1000 was wanted by boss,
The more the better he had said,
But the 1000 was hoped for,
And there seemed to be much indecision in RRSB..

I recalled,
Testimonies given,
Where people had given,
With faith that God would open the floodgates of heaven,
And they had received,
And the thought came to me,
1000 ruble note,
Right there in my wallet,
It was a large sum to me,
Enough to last me a week,
In the most expensive city in the world,
And I wasn't very well off,
Recession was there,
And the thought of being a good steward came too,
Was giving so much being a good steward?

I struggled,
I wrestled,
And the desire to test God came,
I prayed,
I said,
"Lord, I give 1000 rubles with faith that You'll provide USD 1000 from RRSB",
And I struggled,
I fought,
It was hard to let go,
And the offering bag came,
My tightly clenched fist over the opening,
I took a deep breath,
I thought,
"Lord, use this, I trust You, help me trust You",
I let go,
The note fell,
I sighed.

And today I was reminded,
Of how my prayer was answered,
I didn't think of it at the time of answering,
But Andrew's testimony jogged my memory,
20th Feb,
Friday,
The last day for receiving sponsors,
Because we had to print the program books the very next day,
And I woke up in the morning,
I don't know why,
But I just went and checked my e-mail,
And there,
An e-mail from RRSB,
"Dear Aaron,
We're depositing RM3,500 into the account today",
I ran to WanSim the treasurer,
I asked what to do,
Was it still possible to receive sponsors,
And she said,
"Praise The Lord,
RM3,500 is equivalent to USD 1000,
Ask them for advertisements or logos to put in program book",
And that was that.

God is good,
He has never once failed me,
It's only me that refuses to follow Him,
It's only me that places blame on Him when lessons come,
And it's only me that doesn't see things His way,
And as such,
Today I realize,
The Good Lord didn't forget,
He saw my insignificant 1000 rubles,
Placed into the offering bag with faith,
And together with a lot of struggling,
And He blessed it 36x,
For USD 1000 is equivalent to 36,000 rubles.

Ah,
He is good,
He is so good.
Praise The Lord for ever and ever.
Amen.
(",)

Moving On..

Life wasn't easy.
It still isn't.
But I'm glad some of it has passed.

Now I'm moving on,
I'm gathering myself together,
I'm pulling my life together,
And I'm taking my step forward,
Forever leaving the past behind,
No matter how much I'll miss it,
Nor how much I'll crave it,
Neither however much I want to stay there,
For life does not wait for me,
Time creeps on,
Forever moving,
Forever ticking,
And if I want to keep up,
I have to keep moving on.

Homework awaits,
Studies too,
And there's still the One Life Event to look forward to.
Pending work,
Delayed chores,
And the mountain high promises yet to keep.
Life awaits,
And as long as I still draw breath,
I must keep moving on..

Moving on...

Friday, February 20, 2009

Life now..

Life is hard on me now,
I feel like collapsing,
I don't know what to do,
I don't know what to decide,
I don't know what to think anymore..

I'm unable to juggle between my studies and the event of One Life,
I find that many of my work has now been put on pending,
Every time I think about it I stress out,
Travelling to and from classes has already taken much of my time,
What more having to call and confirm programs and performances,
And my only holiday on coming Monday has been taken up by Big Boss in Spartiv.

What a to do..
Prayer doesn't work,
My throat is really sore,
I don't feel like talking,
I'm really tired,
I always oversleep,
I don't have self-control,
I hate writing lectures,
I hate copying notes,
I wish I could love what I do,
But for the record,
I'm really glad God is keeping me busy.

So, I really hope God can help me cope,
help me to complete all I need to do,
and help me to keep progressing,
both in studies and emotionally.
For when I'm stressed,
I think too much,
I want too much,
Though now I can't expect anything,
But still,
Past events in my life come flooding back,
And I try my hardest to push them away,
Sleep helps,
But only for a moment,
And I really cannot afford to wake up late any longer..

God help me..!!!!

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Wondering..

Roses wilt,
Health fades,
Beauty passes,
Hope dwindles,
Strength weakens,
Friendship sours,
Relationships breaks,

Nothing lasts,
Nothing is eternal,
Nothing is forever,
But one..

Thank you Lord Jesus for being the One and Only which we can place our hope and trust and life and not be disappointed. Show me the way, show me the path, show me your divine plan for the life ahead of me.

Life is never easy..
But is bearable when God is by your side..
(",)

Monday, February 16, 2009

Sick!!

I fell sick on sunday.. You know, the kind of sickness which progresses slowly while you're awake and you have the luxury of slowly feeling every part of your body shut down and weaken due to the disease. Normally I would fall sick after waking up in the morning and realising that my body doesn't feel right. But this time, I had the "pleasure" of feeling my body slowly degenerate. I ended up with a sore throat, mild tonsilitis, slight fever, throbbing headache and frequent high fluctuation of body temperature every 15-20 mins..

Being sick has forced me to spend more time in bed.
And thus, more time for me to think,
To daydream,
And as such,
Past issues,
Things I had wanted to forget,
Has been awakened.

As mentioned,
Put aside,
Forgotten,
All means they weren't meant to be remembered,
They weren't meant to be recorded,
They were things of the past,
Whose presence brought hurt,
Pain..

The more I tried to forget,
The more I remembered,
And the more my heart cried.
Outwardly I was fine,
I had forgotten how to cry,
But inside hurt so much I wasn't sure I could recuperate..

I cared.
I still care.
I'm sure I would always care.
I know it's not my position to care anymore,
But I can't help it.
The more I try not to,
The more I notice,
And the more it affects me.

Thus, praise God,
He reminded me,
He was still there,
He had never left,
But I was the one who rejected Him,
I was the one who was unhappy at His decision,
I was the one who was impatient,
He called,
Never ending,
Never ceasing,
Always waiting,
Until I finally heard,
I finally responded,
I finally said,
"Lord, I'm sorry,
Please help me,
I'm unable to walk this path alone,
It is too hard for me,
But with You,
Nothing is impossible,
Nothing is improbable,
And everything will turn out for the better,
When You have a hand in it."
And He heard me,
He held me,
He hugged me,
He carried me,
He wept and said,
"My son,
It's been so long,
I'm glad you've finally came back,
Now let me carry you through your turmoils,
Let me soothe your pain,
Let me cover the past,
And show you the future,
My plans for you,
Always for your good,
I LOVE YOU."

Finally, something which gets me going when I'm down,
From the song, Hey Whatever by Westlife,

Well I can't control the universe
'Cause I'm only a man
I may read the papers
But they won't tell me who I am

And if you really need a new philosophy
Well there's one that makes sense
The one I prefer is

I say HEY WHATEVER
Let your beauty come alive
Let your color fill the sky
And SAY WHATEVER
Why don't you liberate your mind
Let your color fill the sky
Amen. All glory and praise to the Lord most High. (",)

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Wow..

Today I spoke to her,
We washed dishes together,
Life somehow brought us together,
At the time when it didn't really matter.

She started it,
I just decided to help wash when she flicked water at me.
Surprised, she was playing with me again.
And that made me realise, it was me again.
I thought she wouldn't talk to me,
I thought she wouldn't be with me,
But I was wrong.
It was me,
I avoided her..

And now I know,
I need to go,
To be the one,
To start the fun.

I have to make more opportunities to spend moments with her.
For it wouldn't happen much on it's own.
But I'm glad God gave me this opportunity,
To make me understand that I was wrong,
And give me a chance to start again.

Thank you C for giving me my life back.
And thank you Lord for putting me on the right track.

I'm free.. (and now i really really need lots and lots of sleep..)

An Eventful Day...

Friday. 13th February. Friday the 13th. I wonder...

I was put on one of the sponsor teams to go to airlines and student travel agents to ask for sponsorships for the One Life Event we're organizing. And thus, I was paired up with WanSim. So we left early in the morning, after I dressed up really formal and had WanSim do up my hair..

1st stop was SIA. And unfortunately the General Manager wasn't present. So we presented our proposal to the highest in command at the office and she told us to e-mail her the proposal so she could forward it to her Manager. And only on Monday would they converge and hold a meeting to discuss our sponsorship offer. I have faith that God will provide funds through them and however much would be enough.

Then the time was very "alang-alang".. Didn't have enough time to travel to the next agent but yet too early for class.. So in the end, the decision was to go to class and revise our russian (yes, it's russian class.. my "favourite"-sarcastic). Ooh, I had a blast telling everyone who asked why we were dressed up so formally that we were out on a date.. (",) Obviously everyone knew I was joking away as usual. *Aaron the clown/big mouth*

And then, it was time for russian class. My new teacher, Nika, is super cuuute!! Omgosh.. She could be my age.. Imagine my sister trying to teach me russian.. Wow.. But we had much fun conversing with her. She's ukranian, lives westward on the outskirts of Moscow and travels 30mins everyday to get to class. And she was like, couldn't close her mouth at all. She would smile at every little thing and her smile is the sweetest.. (But of course there are 3 other people whose smile is sweeter than hers, 1st, my mom, 2nd, my sis, 3rd, a girl, younger than me, but not telling her name.. =p) If I have the opportunity, I'll get a picture with her and put it up for you all to see.. (",) Patience..

After class.. Rush to Alamin Travels. Ah.. WanSim and I, we had fun.. She went there before. But by walking. Thus, this time, she got instructions from a junior about how to take a bus there. And so, we got out at the crossroads, went to the bus stop and got on bus no.121. And we traveled. From M.Profsayousnaya, passed M.Akademicheskaya, made a turn.. And I started to suspect something was wrong.. But WanSim reassured me. She told me that we wouldn't get lost and that all we had to do was sit tight and we would arrive. So I relaxed. Looked at the scenery, observed a shopping mall and hypermarket that I made note to visit someday. We passed a nuclear reactor too. My first up close. (",) And then, WanSim started to freak out.. And then it was my turn to chill her out. So we sat in the bus till it reached M.Tolskaya, super far away according to my map. And we had to take the metro back to M.Profsayousnaya. *chuckles* Crossroads remember? So, there are 4 directions to go in. She took me on the wrong one. =p It took us an hour to travel some place that would normally take 5 mins. But it was great experience. You know the irony of it? The agent we were supposed to meet wasn't there, it was his day off.......

Hahaha.. That sure was fun. (",) In a way......

Later back at home, I had to prepare the Valentine's Day dedications to our hostel. I had suspected but had never expected so many dedications. Seems like there are so many people who like other people whether openly or secretly. Well, my friends who were also in charge of this event helped me to deliver the roses and tiramisus. And it was fun, but was waay past my bed time.. And God is really humorous.. I remember telling myself that I would have a quiet Valentine's Day alone to rethink about my problem last time. But I ended up with 2 roses and 3 tiramisus. I only expected 1 tiramisu because I made a deal with a friend who also wanted to try out the tiramisu that we would send dedications to each other. But I didn't realise I would receive so many.. I really didn't know what to do..

In the end, I decided to enjoy whatever came to me as a blessing from God since this will probably my first and only time receiving something unexpected on Valentine's Day. Of course I gave a few special gals gifts, but they were nothing more than a gesture of love and friendship and thanks.

Here are some pictures of me looking handsome with a pretty partner when we had to dress up to go look for sponsors. And some of my Valentine gifts.. (",)



















Me, WanSim and Vashni..3 business professionals.. (",)


















Me and Vashni..wide sweet smiles =)


















And poor WanSim doesn't know how to smile.. XD













3 tiramisus..













3 dedications..


















2 roses. 1 isn't mine. (",)

There you have it. My day before Valentines. May be back with more for Valentine's Day..

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

The Most Stressful Day Currently.. (I'm sure more stressful days are yet to come)

Well, life started as usual yesterday..:

5.30am-Started my fast and pray for the One Life Event.

6.30am-Prepared my stuff for classes that day.

9.00am-Out the door and going for biochemistry lecture.

11.20am-Lecture ended. Now i needed to reregister my visa because I left Moscow for a little while..

11.40am-Reached the dean's office. And this is where my day really begun..

The visa department only starts working at 2.30pm. But from past experiences, the place will be jammed packed full with students rushing to submit their visas. And so, arriving on time is a great mistake which any freshman would learn pretty fast. Thus I already decided to wait as the first in line from 11.40am-2.30pm. I had with me my 'KaChe' and HanYin for company. And I was only supposed to do our 3 visas.

So we bided our time by chit-chatting, by completing our lecture notes, by playing games, gossiping.. And time crawled by. And finally, the long awaited hour arrived. 2.00pm. The place was already packed like a sardine can. People were squeezing everywhere and it was all I could do to remain in my first student spot in front of the door. Can't understand what I'm going through? Let me give you a picture. MMA has approximately 3300++ medical students currently studying there. And their office is a 5x8m space connected to the outside world by a 3x50m corridor. And since the government required every student to submit their visas within 3 working days from arrival, and this Tuesday was their first working day of the week. So if 10% of students went for holiday (which by the way is too few), there would be about 330 students crammed into that narrow corridor awaiting their turn..

By 2.20pm, I had 14 passports with me from late hopefuls and I was already worried about what was going to happen to me inside that office. And time stood still.. Second by second till 2.30pm, it was painful to wait. But finally, the door opened and I was pushed in by the russian gal behind me. And the problems began.

Some smart kid told her friend that the visa obtaining paper wasn't required for submittion since we were submitting our original visas. What a big mistake that was and the amount of trouble it caused me was to no end. My russian isn't very good and I couldn't really understand what was needed of me. So the lady behind the counter was starting to get really pissed off and on top of that, the crowd outside was pushing to get into the office. The russians were the rough rude ones and wouldn't even back off when scolded by the administration.

Anyway, I had to call Richelle to bring those papers up for the late additions and I still tried to get the visas submitted. And each time I opened the door to the corridor, I would be greeted by a crowd of bodies jammed tightly there and I had to be careful not to let them burst in while trying to get the items needed from friends stuck outside..

Praise God, finally, I managed to get 13 passports registered and I was told to get lost. And the lady behind the counter wished me luck trying to get out. (",) I had to man handle my way out of the office and forcefully push my way past the corridor to the open air in the lobby.. And even that was nearly packed. And when I looked at my watch.. 4.30pm. Goodness!! What happened to the time..?

My 'KaChe' calmed me down and we went home together. And praise God, my roomies cooked dinner for me and were waiting for me to break fast together.. Sigh, the food was sooooo good.. Then I had assignments, responsibilities as Program Leader for the One Life event to complete. Even the highest boss called me and gave me a short but extremely saturated 10mins lecture. Ooh.. Stress. And I still had to run errands for 14th Feb and Neils Isaac's birthday card.

I really thank God that I was able to sleep at 11pm to prepare for my next 5.30am wake up. And thus so ended my hectic day. I'm sure Wednesday isn't so bad. Will it? *.*

PS. I talked to C today and she talked to me too. And even though it was only about the One Life Event stuff, it felt really nice to be on talking terms with her again. Although it wasn't very comfortable but I'm still happy that it's progressing nicely. God still has a lot of work to do on me until I can see her as a good friend and talk comfortably to her without feeling my face heat up and adrenaline pump. Or that I wouldn't try my best to avoid her.

I wonder.. What do I feel now.. Love should last forever, through thick or thin and no matter whether the target responds or not.. But, I'm confused, what do I feel now.. Is it love that tells me to drop all my feelings and get back to normal or is it the puppy love that's finally going away.. I was so sure it was real love. What happened to me..?

Monday, February 9, 2009

The First Day Of The Second Semester Of Second Course..

What would you do if every time you fell in love with someone,
you had to say goodbye...

What would you do if every time you wanted someone,
they would never be there...

What would you do if for every moment you were truly happy,
there would be 10 moments of sadness...

And finally...
What would you do if you loved someone more than anything else,
but you could never have them...

They say that love is patient and love is kind,
It does not envy not does it boast,
It is not proud.
It ain't rude nor self seeking,
yet is not easily angered.
It keeps no record of wrongs,
delights with the truth and shunts evil.
And love will always protect,
Always trust,
Always hope,
And always persevere.

It is so easy to talk about such things,
And yet,
To show an action of love is so tough.
People talk about love all over the world,
But as the 'Black Eyed Peas' once said,
Where is the love?

If I really loved,
If it weren't just a fleeting feeling,
I know deep down inside,
That those are what I need to do.
To be patient and kind,
To not be envious,
To not be easily angered,
And forget all wrongs done to me.
Can I always protect, always trust,
Always hope, always persevere?

It isn't easy,
To see you everyday,
Even the thought that you might show up at anytime,
Keeps my heart pumping for quite a time..
This isn't good,
For it isn't what that should,
And it keeps me on my toes for quite some time,
Making me waste much of my non-returnable time.
Thus, I tell myself,
To not lose thyself,
But to try my best to keep away,
And to save my sorrows for another day.
It ain't easy,
To be so freely,
But for my sake, your sake, and most of all, God's sake,
I'll do my best, to show God's best, and most of all, to be your best.

...................................................................
Now now now, enough with all the emo crap.
About yesterday, I got up at 5.30am to begin my 20 day fast and pray for the upcoming One Life event being organized on the 1st of March. After bringing everything to God and letting Him take care of all our troubles and burderns, I began my day.

6.30am Packed my books for class that day.

7.00am Had breakfast of 2 soft-boiled eggs with my roommate Andrew.

7.30am Rushed out to catch the bus. Late already.

8.15am Entered the biochemisty department. Surprise surprise.. I actually arrived early..

9.00am Got the shock of my life when I found out that they changed my biochemisty lecturer and now I have a sad old lady who looks homely but is quite known for giving miniature tests every class.. Ooh.. Stressed..

11.30am Still staring blankly at my lecturer without understanding much of what she's saying. *Mental note to start studying.. DX'*

12.30pm Freedom!! ...for the time being. And made my way with my colleagues to the physiology department for lecture.

1.20pm Glasachev is exactly punctual..as usual.. And another mental note to really really truly start studying..

3.00pm Again, a punctual ending of class. To the minute exactly.. I wonder how much the dean is paying him.. (",) And I rush off to the library to return my books and get new ones for the new semester.

5.00pm Finally reach home.. Started grabbing stuff to cook. I made soup, vegetable soup..with pepper. And Vashni made black sauce chicken with red chili. Ooh. Was soooo good..

6.00pm Andrew, Marcus, Vashni, WanSim and I broke fast together. Marcus fell for the thumbs up trick and had to give thanks for our dinner.. =p

7.30pm Clearing and tidying up my study area. Getting rid of unneeded books and arranging new semester stuff..

9.00pm Prayer meeting. Was great as usual. But this time, I tried so hard, but it still didn't really keep me from getting distracted once in a while, cuz C was there. But I'm sure that's a good start cuz I didn't go wild inside. =) God will change me. And another mental note: Make sure Gan plays the guitar for prayer meeting tomorrow so I can concentrate on praying.

10.30pm Prayer meeting ended. I chased most people out of my room and went to sleep amongst the remaining chatter left by overenthusiastic people who needed to get some things done.

Next thing I knew was my alarm waking me up at 5am to get ready for my next fast and pray session. (",)

Be back soon, I hope.. God bless you all.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Going Back To Moscow..

Sorry for not updating my blog for awhile. But i've been busy settling down after arriving back in Moscow. Thus now, I'm taking a few minutes out to just go through what I've been through on the 6th February, the day I left home and everything comfortable and loved by me..














These are the stuff that I needed to bring back for other people.. My responsibility.. *.*















And these are my things, things I wanted to bring back with me..
I'm actually not sure how I managed to pack everything into that luggage bag and another box and still kept withing my 30kg limit.. =) Praise God..















I'll miss my "family" back in Malaysia..















KLIA. The train to the international departure hall.















My flight was at 2.10am. Look at the beauty of the night sky. Even without the creation of the sun, it still looks so pretty, so serene.. I remember being in denial when sitting in the train with my sister..















There.. Arrival.. By this time, I was at the stage of resignation already. Passed the stage of stress, worry, denial and now resignation. Resigned to do whatever I couldn't run away from..















My first time on Emirates. And I actually had to take a shuttle bus out to the airplane.. Goodness.. Is this how low Emirates is treated??















And hello Dubai.. Reached around 4am their time which would equal to about 8am Malaysia time..















And again, shuttle bus to the terminal.. =]















My first impression of Dubai.. Not too good.. Sigh..
















And the terminal..















And the people!!!!!! Omgosh.. And there were 8 lines for baggage scanning..















Wow.. But I still want a manual drive, white, Kancil to call my own..















Some of the unaffordable stuff on display..















My favourite.. Can't tell what are those? Dolphins!! *squeals*















And the duty free shop. Guess they cater for children too eh? Pretty good business management..















And the plane. Boarded after a gruelling 4 hours wait in dubai airport.. Look at the brightness of the sky.. Sigh..















And the plane..

And finally, glad to say, I made it back to Moscow safely. Praise God for the safe journey. Now gotta rush off to class. Guess I should leave my blogging to night time.. Aite, be back with more of my life as it comes at me, whether it be good or bad, enjoyable or intolerable, I'll still have to get through it.

Ah, my teacher had better be late.. !!!!

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Unpleasant Memories..

I went yesterday to KL to meet up with some people and exchange things that I was responsible to bring back to Moscow for some friends. I also had a mission to accomplish in Russian Resources. Thus, I went down to KL as usual with my dad in the morning and while my dad went to work, I went around KL by myself to finish whatever I had planned to do. Little did I know, this wouldn't be a good day. I accomplished what I needed to do, but this trip brought back much memories. Memories that I needed to forget, memories that I needed to put behind me in order to move on. KLE, I'm sure you know exactly what I'm talking about. Look at my order of travel, tell me if any of those jog your memory.....





























I arrived at Kerinchi station as I did sometime ago in July/August 2008.





























And got off at KL Sentral. This was where I waited for you remember?





























This time, I had some time to chill, so I went to McD's to await arrival of my contacts. My very first Breakfast from McD's. (",)


































There, the packages for Andrew and Vashni.. (",)



































And next stop, Russian Resources. But no time to chit chat there like we did before and I rushed next to KLCC. Sigh. This place hurt the most. But I'm sure you've put them all behind you already haven't you, CK? I'm still trying. Do remember me in prayer..





























Remember our meal here?? Remember your hurt feet? Remember what I insisted on doing for you but you wouldn't let me and in the end I let you win? Sigh..





























Remember our walk under the sun? Our first time on an unofficial "date"? I can't remember what I was thinking then. But now, it hurts to remember. I need a good memory to override whatever happened here last year or I might never be able to enter KLCC again..


































Remember my hunt for perfume? Remember my dislike of Davidoff? I guess it should have made a statement at that time. Though, I do remember making a subtle decision to try to get used to Davidoff since you said you liked it..





























One good thing came out of this trip though, I had lunch at chili's. Guess what I had. Yeah, one order of Tostada Chips (bottomless). And I finished 3 rounds on my own for lunch. RM10++ only. Pretty worth it I guess.. And next, home. OOps.. There, the cat's outta the bag. My mom came with me to KL to do shopping but she went straight to KLCC. I only met her there for lunch after I completed all my assignments.

KLE. I'm trying. I'm really not sure how I'm going to face you back in Russia. But I'm going to tell myself to be optimistic about it. After all, how can I not try my hardest when you're already doing your best.. Do take care. And God.. Please change my mindset.. Help me change my mindset. I cannot keep harboring thoughts and feelings like this when they affect me and my studies and PR status greatly. Please....

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

The barbers

Decided to go to the barbers today. Because I suddenly realized that my sweat could drip onto my arms without even running down my face.. Meaning that my hair was so long that it already extended out past my cheeks and my forehead. So, my mom suggested I look something like this...
Turns out I wasn't as handsome as that fella. I turned out like this...
Darn.. I'm so unattractive. Perhaps with a little gel, hairspray, some self-esteem and maybe a girlfriend... =p

Monday, February 2, 2009

Deja Vu..

Here I am. Sitting at my table with my laptop in front of me and so unsure of what I wanna do or how I'm even feeling or thinking now. I'm so stirred up that I can't even think straight. My feelings and emotions are all jumbled up and I don't even know where to start putting them straight.. But I think I'll try. Because I'm very sure this exact moment in time has happened before. To the best of my memory, it has happened last summer, around mid August. Although, things are somewhat different now then they were last summer. I wonder if I even should put down my thoughts in words. I have never been any good at writing essays and even now, the points just don't come out right and I'm blabbing away about things that don't have any meaning at all.

Anyhow, I'll try to enumerate all the things that are hitting at me now..
  1. Life sucks.
  2. I want to go back to Moscow, Russia. At least there I'll only have my studies to worry about and nothing more. Here, I have to worry about my flight deadline coming in 3 days, I have to worry about whether or not I have packed everything I need to bring back to Russia. I'm responsible for the things of 3 people and I can not forget to bring any of those things back.
  3. I'm bored. I have to get my things together. I have certain responsibilities to complete and thus, I don't have time to go hang out with my friends. The people I really want to spend time with, catching up and doing fun stuff that will help take my mind of the past.
  4. I'm sick. I've caught the flu bug even though I didn't go bug hunting. Imagine how sucky it is when your nose runs non stop and your eyes are heavy and constantly tearing. Together with the constant sneezing. Ooh.. And my wisdom tooth is causing me trouble. Now my entire lower left jaw aches like mad. Chewing, yawning, smiling, laughing, talking, etc that uses my jaw hurts. And to top it all off, I have a throbbing headache. Ooh.. Lost my mood to do anything today and yet I have to really control myself from offending other people.. Thank God I still have enough self-control left to apologize to my mom the second I realise I'm barking at her instead of talking..
  5. I want to run away from reality. I want to leave this life that I'm in now and enter a world of fantasy where everything I wish for comes true and my life is so easy without all the worries, stress, and emotional problems I keep coming up against..
  6. I know very well no. 5 won't ever happen. I came across this phrase earlier today, "
    I could say I'm not sad, but I'd be lying.
    The problem is the world won't let me stay a kid forever.
    So I can't lie around crying about it either
    So, knowing the fact that I'll still have to endure life as it comes at me and there's no escape, it just makes me feel rather miserable.
  7. And yeah. The biggest thing on my mind which I'm still trying to cover up and throw away. The fact that I'm currently alone in life and I've no one to rely or fall upon when in need of emotional support. Wish it was the time for me to have a girlfriend and that one would appear in my life. Why did this ever have to happen to me. Everyone has to be my friends now. I cannot allow another female within 10 feet of my heart. Thus, a wall has been built which I'm afraid to take down. And I really hope that this wall will not deter or turn away the perfect one planned for me from the very beginning.
  8. I wonder if I've really neglected God..? I wonder if the quietness and loneliness I feel is due to the void in my heart.. I wonder if He has left me alone for awhile to stew in my problems and overcome them and learn the lesson He wants me to learn.. I wonder if I'm failing Him by what I've been doing..? I wonder why it has to be at this time that I have to go through all these problems of life. I wonder why He didn't make me an exception and give me a life worry free and smooth sailing in every aspect especially "love"..? I wonder........if I'll ever have an answer to these questions..
Guess what is going on while I'm crapping away, feeling sorry for myself and blaming everyone but myself?
Yeah.. You guessed it. 拜天公 firework celebration. Will I be able to sleep tonight? We'll see..
Malaysian time Russian time