Monday, June 22, 2009

Wasted..

My life is rather wasted at the moment. I don't have the freedom and resources nor time to do the things that I really want. Sigh..

Few quotes that I like:

Unless I grip the sword, I can not protect you;
While gripping the sword, I can not embrace you.

Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow;
Don't walk behind me, I may not lead;
Just walk beside me and be my friend.

When life is good, we run ahead, leaving 1 set of footprints in the sand;
When life is rotten, God carries us, leaving 1 set of footprints in the sand;
So, although God is always with us, we only see 1 set of footprints in the sand.

One is reminded brutally of how time flies when one notices the season change.

God never moves;
If we feel distant from Him, we moved.

To be single or not to be single, that is the question;
Spring is here, love is in the air.

Life as it comes at me;
There were hard times, there were fun times;
There were tough times, there were easy times;
There were times with companionship, there were lonely times;
But during each and every time, God was there right beside me;
I just always failed to notice.

But who?
Is she right beside me or is it another bad dream?

I've met her and lost her;
It's all in the past now;
Wish I could've made it last in the present.

I will not admit the authenticity nor will I deny it;
Think what you will.


.................................................................................................................................................
These are a few lines I've used in my lifetime and I think they're my best quotes ever.. Loooove them. (",)

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Best Dad In The World!!


My dad..
Best dad a son could ever have.
He always provides,
He always comforts,
He always encourages,
He always gives,
He always allows,
He always find opportunities,
He always cares,
He always worries,
He always stands,
And he is always there whenever we kids need him.
My pillar of support for any problem I face.
Best dad I could ever have.
Best father my heavenly Father could have ever provided.

I LOVE YOU DAD!!

Although, I'm not too happy with your schedule needing you to go to Australia for a 2 weeks stint just as I return back from Moscow.. But, we'll make do temporarily, and we'll be eagerly awaiting your return.
Be safe.
God bless always.
Love you always. =]

Friday, June 19, 2009

Just For Fun..

For no reason now I just suddenly have the desire to blog. I probably have something I need to get off my chest but I can't really pin point what. So now, even without an idea of what to say, I'm here in front of my computer typing non stop into this post now..

I suppose I felt rather relieved when a long awaited arrival to Malaysia was finally confirmed. And I had to be the one to poke 1st only I got the reply.. I suppose when people return to their homeland/towns the things around them become temporarily more important than those who are worrying about them. Mark the word temporarily.. I believe deep down after the initial excitement, people settle down and begin to resume normal lives, caring for those who are in need once again.

Hmmm.. The above paragraph doesn't make any sense. Even though I wrote it, it still doesn't make sense to me.. Well, it obviously made much sense to me when I was writing it or else I wouldn't have wrote it.. I guess.. Ah well, mind in a turmoil.

CG earlier was also a great help. Needing to prepare for the sharing and during the sharing itself took my mind of whatever was bothering me. Also, CG reminded me what I was here for, to be God's salt and light and messenger. The harvest was plentiful but the workers were few. I can't slack off now. Great.. Got a hold of myself. So I guess this post ends here then. I hope this feeling lasts even tomorrow..

By the way, I really should stop reading manga.. I wish I have a girlfriend I could treasure.. Oh Lord, I am so not ready, please show me how unready I am and how I would hurt the girl I went after if I did it now. Some gals are just so pretty and cute..

My dictionary: cute-adorable and not ugly.

Sigh, God always wins in the end. All glory and praise be onto Him.

(",)

Monday, June 15, 2009

How I Almost Died After Meeting Pastor Kevin Loo..

The day after I came back from Moscow, Russia, my mom told me we were invited to a housewarming party potluck where Pastor Kevin Loo was also attending. She wanted me to cook Borsh which was a Russian type of beetroot soup. I did my best but still felt that it tasted more like Malaysian tomato soup instead of Borsh.

Anyway, we went to the party, met Pastor Kevin Loo, had fun, chatted, discussed about MF, talked about the missions MF was having and etc etc. Then was the food. It had been almost a year that I had not had rendang, KFC, fried chicken, nasi lemak (original), fruits (assortment), kuihs, beehoon, and many many more. I especially enjoyed the ikan bilis for that wasn't available in Moscow.

Then the problem began. I was sitting outside the house eating and listening to the chatting going on when I suddenly noticed that the ulcer on my left cheek had swelled to 3x it's size. I dismissed it as the sambal swelling effect of whom I was enjoying at that moment. About a minute later, I started to feel the symptoms of an asthma attack coming on. It was just my luck that I didn't have my inhaler with me. I decided to tell my parents and discuss the possibility of going home.

As I dumped my plate and utensils in the bins and staggered towards the house, I realised that it was getting harder and harder to breathe. That got me confused, since an asthma attack didn't occur that quickly. I started getting the effects of hypoxia which was lightheadedness and I increased my pace to my parents. As I was telling them about the asthma attack, my nose began to dribble and my eyes started tearing. My eye lids were getting itchy too. I suspected an allergy attack (hypersensitivity) and told my parents so. They then began to look for our hostess and started the rites of goodbye-saying bye to the guests, to Pastor Kevin Loo and to the hostess herself.

Then I started feeling itchyness at the back of my throat and I suspected swelling was occuring there too. We got in the car, my dad started the engine and I felt the itchyness spread to my inner ears. By now I was using all energy I had just to force air into and out of my lungs, it was that congested. Hypoxia was getting serious and I hoped I wouldn't black out for then it would be a definite goner for me. Dad picked up our hostess and she directed us to the nearest clinic. I rushed in and told them my symptoms, then asked for a ventolin inhaler while the debated whether it was an emergency or not.

I finally was ushered into the emergency room of the clinic and I tried as medically as possible to describe my symptoms to the doctor. I could now breathe after puffing the ventolin steroids which forcefully dilated my airways. The doc, a nice guy agreed with my suspicion of allergy and gave me an anti-histamine shot to try and lessen the allergy effects. It did begin to abide comfirming the diagnosis of allergy. Now my problem was that I didn't know what had caused the allergy. I couldn't be the food that I ate for they were everyday normal foods. I sorta suspected it might have been pollen or dust blown in from outside but I can't know for sure. Anyhow, I'll be carrying my inhaler everywhere with me just in case it hits again.

There you have it. My near death experience. I suppose this doesn't have anything to do with Pastor Kevin but I just thought it'd be fun to mention that I met up with him. He extended me an invitation to see me again at the doctor's convention in August. Still debating whether I should/could attend or not. But the title kinda rocks. =p

I'm sure God has plans for me for not letting me leave earth that evening 14th June 2009. Now all I need to do is find out what He has in store for me. =]

Praise God always for He is good.

The End Of Examinations.

This is to bring up to date upon whatever happened before-during-after my final session, Biochemistry.

There were 300 mcqs I had needed to study, and thanks to our previous seniors, we only had this 300 mcqs. If not, there would have been 3000 mcqs that I needed to get through and there wasn't enough time at all. Even 300 mcqs took me a heck of 3 days to get through them and only once. Thus, up till the night before the session, I was still going through the last 50++ of my mcqs. When I had gotten them done, it was already 3.30am session morning. So I decided to do the computer variant that I had, and when I had gotten through them, it was already 5am. I was due in the department at 8.30am which meant I needed to leave at 7am which meant I needed to be up at 6am. So I decided to rerun through my schemes for all the reactions of glycolysis/gluconeogenesis; TAG synthesis/degradation; amino acid synthesis/degradation; and hormone synthesis/functions. There was no way I could've finished all even if I was just running through, and thus, I reached the department jittery but not stressed neither nervous. I had given all the results to God and just wanted to get the session done with and get back home to sleep..

Guess when the lecturers came.. 9.30am.. They had me practically prancing all over the department just waiting for them to arrive. And they took another 30 mins to get the computers up and running. Praise God, at 10am, I rushed past the lecturer in charge of the mcq department and attempted my mcq. Praise God again, I got 90 points which was a good pass. And then I went out to wait for the oral examination to begin. Friends who had gotten avtomats for their biochem (envy them) gave encouragements and offers to help through sms. I immediately denied their help and told them that my motto was not to take out my phone when I'm in the examination hall. I guess I was being "macho", but I really meant every word of it. I knew it was wrong to cheat during exams and I wanted to set an example by not doing it myself. I can now proudly say that I've not cheated during exams since pre-med and God has blessed me so by giving me all 5 for all exams since then.

But I wasn't thanking God when I saw the variant on the examination ticket I picked.. I couldn't do questions 1 and 2 at all. Question 3 was fine though.. It was all I could do to hold the ticket still and go to the place the lecturer designated. Alone in the 2nd room, no invigilator at the moment, a ticket that I couldn't answer.. The temptation to take out my phone was so strong. I reminded myself about what I had told the others before I entered the examination hall and prayed asking God to give me what I deserved depending upon how hard I had studied. Then I attempted my questions.

Question 1 was about some theory and I could remember a similar question about it in the mcqs. So I just wrote what I remembered and hoped for the best. I remembered a scheme about the 2nd question in the textbook, but I couldn't remember the exact points in that scheme since I didn't really have time to go through it well, so I just wrote the scheme down and left the unknown blank. And then I did the 3rd question as best I could, wrote everything down perfectly. I was kinda proud of that 3rd scheme.. Then deciding not to wait any longer since nothing else came to mind, I stood up and asked to be examined orally. I prayed again, handing all to God, then went to the designated teacher.

MP3 was nice.. She didn't even look at my paper, she just told me to tell her about my answer orally while she looked at the hall as if she wanted to catch any cheaters. So I mumbled through my 1st answer, she agreed, sorta, then told her straight to her face that I wasn't very sure about my 2nd answer and requested to do my 3rd answer 1st. She agreed, and I proudly showed her the scheme I had drawn and answered any question she asked. She then agreed with my answer and told me to tell her about my 2nd question. Again, I told her that I wasn't sure about the answer but that I would do my best. And I started telling her about the scheme, about the practical case, about the problem and about the result I would obtain after drug administration. She agreed then asked me about the last part of the question which required pyrimidine synthesis. I was stumped, I could only remember purine synthesis and I told her so..

She told me she would give me a 4 and I quickly told her that I only couldn't remember the pyrimidine part and asked her to ask me any question from any topic and that I would answer it. She thought unwillingly for a long time then asked me about Diabetes Mellitus. I praised God in my heart on the spot. I had been "shot" 4 times in a row in 4 examinations by my own teacher in class about diabetes mellitus and I was sure I could answer any question MP3 would have about it. And sure enough, after MP3 couldn't think of anymore questions, she most unwillingly gave me a 5 for my exam. I went out of the hall praising God and after hugging and thanking my teacher.

After helping a few friends answer biochem questions so they could sms their friends inside the hall, I collapsed on the carpet floor with my bag as a pillow and slept like a rock. The toil of a sleepless night and the stress of the session was too much for me. I slept till the whole session was over at about 3pm and my groupmate called me. We went to the library to return our books and went back home to really sleep it off. Prayer meeting that night was full of testimonies and we had a thanksgiving prayer to God for helping us get through our final session. My 2nd course in MMA as a medical student was finally over. I could now look forward to going home and enjoying my holidays.

God is good, all the time, everlasting.

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Why..?? Why!!!!

They came again..
Those damned horses.
I suppose I should ask God to control my limbic system..
Anyway, this time was scary,
But thank God WanSim woke me up before it could progress any further..

Sigh..
I remember being on a ship,
A ship that was doing trading at a port.
And I had a partner,
Who was helping me with the trading.
Couldn't remember who at that time,
But now I know is Marcus.

Anyway,
Things progressed.
They went well,
We had fun,
And then,
Things changed.
He started to organize a big party excluding me.
He started to bring in some illegal and heavy duty items.
Guns etc.. (At least that was what I saw)
Somehow,
I knew what was going on,
And I didn't like one bit of it.

I talked to him,
Reasoned with him,
But he wouldn't budge,
He wouldn't reveal exactly what he was planning or doing.
So I decided to leave.
Gathered a few of my friends,
Told them about the dangerousness and we left.
But it wasn't easy.
Marcus didn't want to let me in,
But he didn't want to let me out either.
All "non-heroic" personnel involved were my coursemates,
But I can't remember who was who now.
So gun trotting people came after us,
I disarmed them..somehow..
Took a gun for myself,
And begged them to follow me.

Some joined,
Some rejected,
I continued walking.
Then,
The last straw came,
Someone dear to me was snatched away at gun point,
I can't remember who it was,
The face to me now is still blurry,
But I'm sure it was someone dear to me.
Shook me to the core,
I needed to get some answers.
Told the others to get out,
Went looking for Marcus.

Found him at the ship's canteen.
Yelled at him as I entered and he leaped over the food counter and disappeared.
I ran to the food counter,
Hesitated,
Then leaped over it.
At that time,
I was having mixed emotions.
I was angry, confused, mad, scared, worried etc..
But I didn't realize I was dreaming,
It all seemed so real,
I should've known that in real life,
I wouldn't have been able to jump over a food counter,
Neither would I be stronger than Marcus.
Sigh..

So anyway,
I went after him,
Entered the doorway,
Down a flight of stairs,
And into a room full of mirrors.
I remember that it was very bright and white.
And Yow was standing there.
But so were his reflections.
I turned to him,
He didn't respond,
So I continued looking for Marcus.
Walked to the end of the room,
Turned around,
And suddenly,
I just knew that there was a door on my left.
I turned left,
Pulled open the door,
And caught the knife that came stabbing down at me.
We struggled in that lock hold for some time,
Until I started overpowering him.

I began to yell at him,
"Why?"
"Whom?"
"For what purpose?"
"WHY?"
He refused to answer and sorta shrank to the ground as I stared him down.
I shook his hands which I was still holding and roared.
And finally,
He gave the honest answer,
The answer that came out of a face that couldn't be anymore honest.
He said he wanted to follow "Johnny Bravo"-the cartoon.
It made so much sense then,
Now even I didn't know why it made so much sense..

I shook his hand until he dropped the knife and turned to leave.
His next swing caught me by surprise and almost cut me.
And WanSim woke me up because it was so so late in the day..

I really should thank WanSim for not allowing me to see the ending of the dream. Because from past experience, all these nightmares usually end with me suffering. Sigh.. Another day ruined.

Going to drown myself in biochemistry to see if I can forget about this freaking horse.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

3-4th June 2009

3rd to 4th June 2009, the 2nd stage begun. Physiology session for MMA 2nd course students, groups 1-20. I'm in group 8.

On the 2nd of June, Marcus was leading prayer meeting for the night. He shared about how his previous cg leader Eric from M2 prayer over him during the 1st course sessions, and how much God blessed him after that and the peace he felt. So he asked the whole prayer meeting group to pray over us (Vashni, WanSim, Saac, and I). We prayed long and hard, and the peace that came upon us was so great. Marcus even stayed up with Saac and I to help us revise and memorise functional systems and other factual points of Physiology.

On the 3rd of June, we went for our exam. Dearest Marcus (Pushkin Hotspot leader) and Gan (Pushkin Hotspot leader-to-be) woke up specially to send us encouraging messages through sms. And praise God, all of us passed the session, each to his/her own ability that God has blessed us with. I personally was given the *worst* lecturer in the Physiology department (Ionkina) and God helped me pass her with an "excellent". We went for celebratory lunch at "Pizza World" and returned home praising God. I had already exhausted myself greatly for the past 2 days studying and teaching, but for Marcus' and our other friends' sake I forewent my sleep and stayed awake throughout the afternoon and night teaching and revising with the friends in groups 11-20 whose session was on the 4th of June. At night, during prayer meeting, we shared testimonies of how God had helped us and touched us and guided us during our session. We encouraged those who would take the session on the 4th and prayed over them as well. JY and KH attended prayer meeting as well, which was awesome as they were my groupmates who were non believers but experienced God's blessing during the session. The juniors in 1st course who had projects given to them for Physics avtomat had their presentation on the 4th as well, and among them, Charis, was facing some uncertainity problems with her presentation availability. We spoke into their lives and trusted God that He would give onto them as they deserved, no matter who or how their lecturer/examiner would be.

Today, 4th June. I had asked my roommate to wake me up as they left and I had a prayer session for the examinees. Then, still feeling the drawback from the 3 days of unsatisfactory rest, I set the alarm for 9.30am and went back to sleep. I started my exam at 9.30am and thus I assumed the others would too. I wanted to send an encouraging sms to my friends and blockmates as they began their session. At 9.20am, WanSim burst into my room and asked me to explain some Physiology questions to her so she could send the answers to some "needy friends". I explained as best as I could and JY and KH burst into my room a few minutes later with more questions that needed answers. Khaithiry came a while later as well with even more questions. We spent a good half hour answering the questions and then as another half hour passed in silence, we started getting nervous and wondered how our friends were doing. Then praise God, an sms came to me from Andrew, my roommate, saying he had passed with an "excellent". I immediately called him for updates on all the others. Within 10 minutes, all of us in my room were overjoyed and praised God as news about all our friends passing their sessions came through the phone. It was a good blessed day.

But that wasn't all.. Within the hour, I received a sms from Lynn, a junior of mine to tell me that all who went for presentation today received their "avtomats". I praised God for being faithful. And Charis smsed later to inform that all went well and she too received her "avtomat" for Physics.

It was a great God given day.

I'm sure there will be more testimonies tonight at prayer meeting. Just anticipating. And I should expect a very long prayer meeting session tonight.. =]

God is GOOD, ALL the Time.

Monday, June 1, 2009

Finally!! The 1st stage over, 2nd stage..

Finally!! Today, all zachuts received.
Next will be the sessions for Physiology and Biochemistry.
And then, homeward bound..!

The examination scheme for Russia is as such:
After every class (after every chapter) ==> a test is given.
After every month (after every subtopic) ==> a control is given.
After every 2-3 months (after every topic) ==> a colloquim is given.
After every semester (end of 5 months) ==> a zachut is given.
After collection of zachuts for every single subject ==> a session (final exam) is given.

Obtaining full marks for every single colloquim and zachut for a specific subject enables the student to attempt a project to try to acheive "avtomat" which means exemption from the session with full marks on the report book.

And so, today,
I've finally, painstakingly, acheived my final zachut.
And as the dean placed the stamp on my zachut book,
The stamp which enables me to go for my sessions,
I silently thanked God.
Now, I'm one step closer to my desire to return to Malaysia,
The place I can really call home.

And now,
The 2nd stage begins.
Physiology session on coming Wednesday, 3/6/09
Biochemistry session on coming Monday, 8/6/09
After finishing these two sessions, I can finally start shopping and packing.

God,
Pull me through,
As You have always done,
Of this I ask of You.
Amen.

*Trust in the LORD with all your STRENGTH and lean NOT on your own UNDERSTANDING*
Malaysian time Russian time