Miss Home..

I so the very miss home..
Miss Malaysia..
Miss my family..
Miss my bed..
Miss the good food my mom cooks..
Miss the happy times with my family..
Miss the lazy times without worries..
Miss home..

2 more weeks!! Still can't wait!!

God is Good..

GIG eh? God Is Good.
And He is good all the time.
Don't believe me?
Try Him out for yourself.
Taste and see that the Lord is good.
I mean, even the bible asks you to try Him out..

And He's always there even if you don't want Him to be.
For which I am grateful.
Although, I feel guilty for coming back after saying or doing those stuffs..
But I have to keep telling myself,
That He welcomes His children back with open arms
Just like the prodigal son.
So I mustn't listen to the devil telling me I'm guilty and sinful.
Too impure to even come back to Jesus.

God is good.
All the time.
And I'll be back in Malaysia in 2 weeks time!!

I can't wait!!

Last CG of 2009 in Moscow..

On the 23/05/2009, we had our last CG meeting of the year. Current CG leader, Bryan decided to have a makan session before the sharing, and there we were, having fun. (",)Look at the food.. *guess it's not really visible..*

Chicken bones even entered my drink..
*they flew through the air and plopped into my cup*

After our eating and sharing, we decided to take some pictures for remembrance. Since this would be the last time we all meet together as a CG. We 2nd years would have to change hostels next sem and the 1st years would probably remain in Pushkin hostel. And thus, we probably wouldn't even be living together next sem.
The photos.. =]

Had fun with my bedmates(soft toys)..
More..
The attendees for the final CG meeting.
*previous CG leader, Andrew Jack Nelson, was MIA(dating)*
Bullied CG leader Bryan.
Bullied CG treasurer Saac.
Just for fun..

And finally,

Our photographer for the night, James Yii.
*He stole our chicken as photography payment*

Backsliding..

Title says it all.

Damn

Bad Rebound..

Today is not a good day.
Well, it seems to me that it's not going to be a good day at all.
Woke up late again.
Didn't hear my alarm.
Meaning, everything I planned to do/study for the morning is gone.
I now have to rush to class.
Have to try to study on the way.
I'm a wreck.
A big mess.
Today seems to be going to end up a lousy day.
Sigh, why was today different?
It wasn't supposed to be any different than the others..
Perhaps tomorrow will be better..
Sigh..

21/5/09

Not a good day.
Not a good day at all.

I woke up late.
Well, later than I'd planned to wake up.
Because I had microbe zachut exam today.
And I needed to do revision.

Since I was program manager for One Life Event in March,
I was the one in charge of the performers,
And I still had to follow up with them if anything came up.
Well,
One of them,
The manager of the group Light-Line,
Alexander Borisov,
Wanted a copy of the event video when it came out.
So I had contacted him about it earlier.
This morning,
His assistant called me and said she wanted the disc today.
And we had such a big problem trying to agree on a time.
She had class,
I had zachut exam.
In the end,
We agreed to meet after her class at 1845 at Barrikatnaya metro.

There went my mood for studying.
But I told myself,
I couldn't be like that,
I needed to finish my revision,
However I was feeling or however little time I had.
So I did my revision,
Had my lunch *alone*
Because my groupmates didn't want to join me,
Then left for class.

And it rained.
It wasn't just normal rain.
It was as big as bullets.
And it was as painful as bullets.
And all I had was my cap.
Thank God He made me wear my cap.
And it was only because so that Nelia could recognise me later.

I reached the microbe department drenched.
Tried to do a little more revision.
Then went to class to take my colloq.
Didn't do well at all.
Almost failed.
I couldn't understand why,
And my teacher didn't allow me to look at the mistakes.
Weird rules.
I couldn't believe myself,
I was so confident,
And yet,
I almost failed.
Pashkov was nice,
He gave me an extra mark so that I got a "good" instead of "pass".
And I had to rush off to meet Nelia.

Got there early.
Well,
5 mins earlier.
And I got a sms,
Nelia was running late,
Asked me if I could wait.
What else could I do?
I said I'd wait,
And she came 30mins later.
I hate waiting without an electronic gaming device.
I really hate waiting.

There..
Today wasn't good.
And I won't be sleeping early tonight either.
Because I need to do my revision.
Or else I'll be really crying by Sunday.
So perhaps a good strong cup of coffee or two,
To increase my lightheadedness,
And drown my sorrows,
And give me a throbbing headache,
And a caffeine overdose.

At least it should be better that alcohol..
I think..

Tomorrow will be a better day..
It always is.
Why should this time be any different?

Stupid..

My physio lecturer, Pavel Umryukhine, called me stupid.
I'm pissed. But I can't do anything.
Damned..

Confused

Confusion. I don't know what or how to think. I suppose it's just my imagination..

Sometimes she's a she devil.
Sometimes she's just an angel.
I'll never understand women.

I'll have to leave them to God.
Perk up.
Today is supposed to be a better day.
Amen! (",)

Mood Swings..

Depressed.

Each time I witness a happy time spent between a couple who are really in love and will stop at nothing to make each other happy and loved, I get depressed.. Not just feel down and lonely, but really depressed..

Celebrated ChiaZhen's birthday today. Witnessed Sharon's love for her "little boy". Going all out to get him a guitar as a present, making him a birthday video, allowing him to hug her and give her a birthday kiss on the forehead, and stopping only at admitting she loved him on camera. Sheesh, I really wish those 2 lovebirds all the best. Seriously speaking, I think my ZhaiZhai is the only one who can have Sharon. Because, if I think about it, I can't handle Sharon. We'd be argueing day and night if she was my girlfriend. So, to ZhaiZhai and Sharon, treasure each other. And Happy Birthday ZhaiZhai.. (",)

Back to me. I'm still depressed. Alyssa asked me if I liked WS. I couldn't answer. Well perhaps I really didn't know how to answer. "No?" "Maybe?" "I don't know?" "Perhaps?" All were unsuitable. Confused was more like it, but I can't be confused for so long. I believe it's developing due to being lonely and depressed after watching happy couples going at it all around me. WS, she's a great friend and a better groupmate. A good girl. Me? I hate myself, most of the time. Well, I do admit I care about her. But then again, I do care about all my friends. I care for each one much the same, and I joke similarly with each one. The one and only time I became really serious about one girl was with C and that one was really obvious that I drew back from all other girls and went for her only. Now no longer.

WS and me? Never. Not in a lifetime. It will never happen. There's no way. And I'm being serious about this.. A great friend to have. But not a girlfriend, and even more not a partner in life. And I'm sure she thinks the same way. Actually, I hope she thinks this way as well..

I need to protect my heart. It has been broken way too many times already. And I really can't take another break. Perhaps a wall around it might sufice.. I really don't know.

Depressed.
Really really depressed.
Goodnight world.
Tomorrow will be better.
God, please. Help me fully utilize tomorrow and make it a better day.
I trust You.
Goodnight Lord.

Sunday Service 17/5/09

Friend of Sinners.

Guess who we're talking about? Why of course, Jesus. Our beloved Lord and Savior. The only one who would be a friend of those who do wrong in the eyes of the "righteous"..

Matthew 9:9-11
It talks about the calling of Matthew.

Why did God chose Matthew?
I don't know.
Neither did Pastor Terrance Hall, our pastor for the day.
We would never know what went through Jesus' mind that day.
But one question it brings up:
Why did God chose us?
We will never know why God chose us.
But one thing is for sure, thank God He chose us.
Now we have the opportunity to be saved..

And Matthew got up and followed Him.
So the bible says.
Now imagine,
Matthew is what we would call, "a Roman dog"
And no one would ever respect nor take him as a friend.
Except perhaps the government officials for whom he was working for..

So, why did Matthew walk away from his responsibility?
Why did he ever walk away from what he knows best?
His most familar things?
Why did Matthew choose to follow Christ?
I don't know.
Neither did Pastor Terrance Hall, our pastor for the day.
We would never know what went through Matthew's mind that day.
But one question it brings up:
Why did we choose to follow Christ?
We didn't hear a voice calling us, but we chose to follow God.
Anyhow, thank God we chose to follow Him,
For now, we have the gift of salvation.

Now, between verses 9 and 10,
Where Matthew invited Jesus to dinner,
And the actual dinner itself,
It took possibly about 8 hours.
"Why?", you may ask.
Imagine,
The middle of the day,
Nothing prepared.
And suddenly Matthew appears,
Yells at his servants to go buy veggies, wine, and slaughter a calf.
Then they have to chop, slice, cook, garnish, serve..
And the main point is, what was Jesus doing in this 8 hours?
Imagine, Matthew's house,
The living room, past the kitchen where servants are running frantically around,
Matthew sits, Jesus with him,
And obviously, some of Matthew's closes friends,
Who most likely are tax collectors like him,
Roman dogs whom their own people shunted.
And Jesus would be talking,
Everyone would be listening,
Someone would ask a question,
Jesus would explain, teach, answer.
And that person would feel so unburdened and grateful.

What was Jesus doing?
He was doing what we nowadays neglect to do when sharing/evangelizing..
He was becoming their friend.
Their FRIEND!
A friend of sinners.
That He was.

Imagine the Pharisees peeking through the shutters into Matthew's living room.
And then gossiping among themselves.
A disciple walks out for some fresh air and they grab him,
Throwing questions at him.
They couldn't criticize the conversation,
They couldn't blame the food,
They couldn't ask about why they weren't invited.
All they could blabber about was,
"Why does Jesus eat with sinners?"
That was all they had to shoot with and they didn't do a good job either..

And imagine Jesus was sitting near the window and overhears.
He turns, waves them in and offers them a drink,
Which they most reluctantly refuse (although extremely thirsty)
Of course, Jerusalem, so near the desert, would have been so hot and dry..
Then Jesus gives them a riddle,
They, who spend almost their entire lives studying and pouring over the old testament,
They, who spend almost all their time debating old laws,
Are now asked to ponder the answer to this riddle,
And if they could understand the riddle, they'd understand why Jesus was doing as such.
And Jesus gives them Hosea 6:6
"For I desire mercy, not sacrifice,
And acknowledgment of God rather than burnt offerings."

They who spend their entire lives discussing what to kill and burn next,
Would never understand why God didn't want burnt offerings.
They would never want to understand such things..

Jesus had 2 purposes for being here.
1, To please the One who sent Him.
2, To seek and save the lost.

And later in the evening, or perhaps night,
As Jesus gathers His disciples together,
I assume Matthew among them,
As seen in verse 37,
He begins to explain to them,
"The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few,
Pray to the Father to send more workers."
3 facts and 1 command He leaves with us:
1, The harvest is coming.
2, It will be plentiful.
3, But workers are few.
And He commands us to pray and ask the Father to send more workers.

Amen.

God Speaking..

The Word of the Lord came to me this morning as I was walking to the bus stop to go to church.

Due to an unforeseen chain of circumstances, I was walking with Marcus and WS. I remembered back what I said last night about avoiding her for some time. But there I was, walking alongside her.

So I put on my earphones and listened to the Love Story (Taylor Swift) meets Viva La Vida (Coldplay)-Piano Cello by John Schmidt song which I had downloaded into my phone last night. And that was when His Word came to me.

"Aaron, I will not allow you to avoid people like you used to do with C. It shows the problem and creates questions. Neither then, will I provide opportunities for you to avoid her. But, I have given you whatever you need to overcome your problem. You have Me in your heart and you have My Teachings. Furthermore, since you'd get so troubled and so moody, I have given you the song to calm you down. So do your best. I'm cheering you on. You can do it. Because you're My son."

And as I listened to the piano and cello playing, I was reminded of how I calmed down yesterday night and I felt so much better. I'm sure today will be a great day. (",)

*btw, I ended up sitting next to WS in church and going back home alone with her after church..*
*God has a great sense of humor..*
*no thanks for that..*

Mixed Feeling..

I just got back from an hour of low voice karaoke in a groupmate's room with my groupmates.. And I felt a little confused and down inside after watching a friend of mine start having a hard time because the songs we sang reminded her of an old hurt she had tried to put behind her. My mood got a little disturbed and I opened my blog to write about it. I'm not sure why it happened to me but it happened and well, I'm a little disturbed and down now. But that was before my blog loaded.

While waiting for my blog to load, I visited my great pal, friend and brother MingWei's blog. He had posted a song entitled Love Story (Taylor Swift) meets Viva La Vida (Coldplay)-Piano Cello by John Schmidt which was taken from YouTube. I wasn't thinking straight and just clicked on the video to play it while waiting for my blog to load. And that song. It's AWESOME.. Put me down straightaway. Was like a great tranquilizer. Made me feel much better. Anyone, just search for it on YouTube and listen to it.

Wow.. Thanks bro for that song. Put me back on the right track. I really don't know why I would be so much affected by WS. It just doesn't seem logical. We have nothing in common other than she being my groupmate. Darn. I need to get focused. Perhaps like just totally ignore her for a long period of time. And yet, I'm extremely curious as to know what she's been through and what she's going through now. It might probably be the death of me.. Do I care..?

When I overheard her mention that she might probably be ready for a relationship. I had mixed feelings as well. Too many people have lied or cheated me already. And I don't know who/what to believe anymore. Sigh. Don't think. Don't act. Don't bother. Sleep. Or rather, I just can't wait to get home to all my old pals and family. Sigh, time flies, and yet, it creeps.. I hate this.

Anyway, search
"Love Story (Taylor Swift) meets Viva La Vida (Coldplay) - Piano Cello by John Schmidt"
in YouTube and have a listen. It's AWESOME..

And I have to avoid WS for some time. Perhaps not seeing her the whole day tomorrow might do the trick. And a good night's sleep will help.
*damned horses visited me again for the 1 1/2 hour that I tried to rest earlier this afternoon..*

Relief

Last night
They didn't come
Those hated horses
Them female ones
Thought to be black in color
The color of night

I had such a peaceful sleep last night
Woken only by the hourly alarms I set
Because I didn't have dreams
I decided to sleep longer
And sleep longer
And sleep more
And was woken up to confirm whether or not russian class was still on
And it wasn't

Went to Spartiv hostel for combined fellowship in the evening
Actually
Us from pushkin hostel didn't know it was combined fellowship
Our boss
Marcus
Told us Pastor Sergei from Word of Life church was coming
Asked us to attend the "meeting"
We went
All prepared to have a night's lecture on evangelism
And instead
We had a fellowship
Nice surprise
But if I had a choice
I would've stayed home
Studied

Anyway
I really hope tonight will be peaceful too
O Lord
Protect me
Cover me with your hands
And I beseech Thee
Forget my past transgressions
So I can come back to you
Amen

Again..

And them horses came again last night.

I was dressed up like a maniac
Running alongside planes as they filled up with passengers
And I came to this one plane which had just finished loading
I jumped up to the door
Demanded they let me in
They did

I went in
Found a place in 4th row
Sat down
Noticed Steven Lee in 2nd row
Recognized a few others in 1st and 3rd row too
But their faces are blurry now
I knew them
But I can't remember who now
And I noticed above the first 3 rows was a glass ceiling
And there weren't any compartments
Only rows of seats
Alyssa was in 5th row left column
My place was 4th row mid column

The plane took off
Steven laughed at me
Made me angry
Decided to play him
Not sure why but suddenly understood that the ceiling
It could open
And the first 3 rows were built to be able to fly out like a helicopter
Found that button and pressed it
Canopy opened
3 rows shielded
They flew out
Steven had the controls
He seemed to be having a good time

I started a disco session in the empty space left behind
Everyone joined
Jumping around
Laughing
Steven saw
Decided to ruin our fun
Started to land
We had to clear the space
And suddenly
We had crash landed
I don't know what happened then..

My family was with me
I clearly remember my mom
Airport staff told us we had to shift to another airport
To take another plane
Family in the car with some luggages
Me behind with a box whose lid keeps coming off
3 others behind me
We were on foot

Car started
I followed
I ran and ran
Suddenly the car speeded up
Disappeared ahead
I ran faster
Ran and ran
Those behind me fell behind
Disappeared
I was alone
I didn't know how to find them
Foreign place
Wrong time
I knew I was dreaming again..

Made myself find a good ending
Sure enough
Soon came to a large building
Had a plane there
Seemed chinese
I entered

The front few rows were filling up
The back few rows were very empty
Except for a few seats here and there
Filled with people I knew
But I can't place them now
And I noticed Alyssa in left column
But with an empty seat beside her

I walked past
Found the end of the plane
Walked back
Sat beside her
Asked her what she was doing here
She said she didn't know
Neither did I
Suddenly remembered my luggages
And my mom appeared

I asked about my luggage
She said she knew nothing about it
Seems she was behind me
Saw the car speed off
I asked about some pipes
Not sure why
But they were very precious to me
Mom recollected that road security took my pipes
They used it as road blocks
After we passed
They kept it
After she said that
I remembered it myself
Strange that I'd never seen the airport gates before..

Suddenly I was back there
At the old airport gates
The car was there
With the luggages
Mom was there
She knew
We got out of the car
Saw the pipes
Mom said they probably wouldn't let me take them
I yelled "f***" and ran towards them
We grabbed the pipes
Stuffed them back in the car
I wondered why mom didn't scold me for using bad words..

And I woke up
Not sweating this time
But still aching all over
And feeling very tired

Wish this would stop..
I felt as if I had been running the entire night..

Damn female horses..

They visited me again
Those damn female horses
Who comes at night
And disturbs people's sleep..

I'm not feeling well
Probably due to the pollen increase
But been getting short bouts of colds
Hate colds
Makes me weak
Really really weak
Took a nap
Slept 3 hrs
And was running around
Non stop
Damn female horses..

This time
I was walking with my family
Mom, dad, sis, bro
And I seem to remember a friend of mine as well
We entered a desolate place
The people there were unfriendly
They looked unwelcome
I didn't know why I was there
But somehow I knew that the answer would come soon
I looked around

Turned a few corners
Entered a few doors
Thin wasps of smoke/mist swirled the area
And I entered a cafeteria
People were eating
People were staring
And those whom we met earlier had followed us
No longer unfriendly
No longer unwelcome
They seemed happy where we were going
They had joyful gleams in their eyes
Things didn't look good to me
I looked around

Some were eating
They seemed normal people
But the meat they were eating seemed unproportionally large
Looked like boiled chicken
But seemed too large to be chicken
They stared hungrily at us
And it hit me with a bang
This was a place for cannibals
They would place all the cannibals locked in this place
So they would eat themselves one by one
Until the cannibalism would end
I don't know why I thought like that
But I believed that to be the answer
I knew I was dreaming
But I somehow knew I was in that place for a purpose
The purpose would come soon
I looked around

We entered the kitchen
Or it was a place I felt was the kitchen
I recognized the place
Yet it didn't seem familar
Thinking back
I've never been there before
But I knew it was the kitchen
Everyone was outside the door
They were whispering away
One tried to stop us from entering
Another pulled her back
And told her albeit a little too loudly
That we were their meal for tonight
I glared at them

They saw my glare
Their voices rose
"He knows!"
The shout rose
"Get them now!"
I ran backwards to my family
Saw a bundle of knives
Kitchen knives
And suddenly I knew
We came to exterminate them before they died out
And they were only normal humans
Not zombies of some kind
I could kill them
I know I could
It was my dream anyway

"Throw me a knife!"
I shouted
Dad reacted
A knife came flying
I caught it and ran to the doorway
Just as the first person stepped through
A fat girl
So ugly
But seemed so familar
As if I'd seen her before
I didn't care
I had a knife
This was hell
I could do collateral damage
No one would blame me
I attacked

Somehow
With every slash at her
My knife would miss
But I would feel her knife cut my hands
And my hands were numb
I was certain I was in my dream world
I knew I could turn it into my favor
I ran into her
Plunged my knife into her abdomen
It wouldn't penetrate
How could it not?
How!

I raised my knife higher
My anger boiling
How could logic fail me now?
These are normal humans
My knife felt normal
But why couldn't I hurt them
It was my dream anyhow
I could control the outcome
I didn't know where my family and my friend went
But I was sure they were still behind me
Because the kitchen had only 1 exit
And I was standing in front of it

I stabbed
Telling my mind to take control of the dream
I knew I could kill
I could turn the place into a slaughter house
And I woke up
Sweating
Aching

I groaned
There goes the "happy" ending a planned for myself
There goes the time I spent to get some rest
Wasted
Gone
No more
I could've cried..

The only good thing was my cold had stopped..

Damn female horses
Who comes at night
And disturbs people's sleep
Damn night-mares.

Fall..

By fall, I do not mean autumn nor the action of falling down and injuring one's pride and physical body. By fall I mean the fall that one takes emotionally by certain things that happen during the day which saps one's energy and mood and all happiness from one's life.

Hay fever is starting. Pollen count rising steeply. Dandelions blossoming everywhere. You can see the small while "umbrellas" floating wherever you look.

Random April (or May) showers occuring every few days. These showers are hot when the sun is out and freezing cold when cloudy. Got caught in one today. Wasn't pleasant and didn't do anything to wash away my black mood.

Teachers are being stressed out by the increasing number of students trying to catch up with their pending examinations or oral tests so they can take their finals coming within the next 2 weeks. So since their stress levels increase, they give us hell. And it rises exponentially..

Hate liars. Or rather, hate lazy lecturers who lie just to get students to attend their boring and "waste of time" classes. Wasted an entire morning when I could be resting or studying just to attend surgical care in which all we did was to copy some notes. Wish I had the other lecturer who performed a major surgery for his group to observe.

Hate being alone. Wish I was ready to have a girlfriend or betrothed who could lift me up when I was down.

Hate it when things don't go my way. God, I'm talking to you about this one. Whatever happened to the times when I could ask and receive? Am I now not able to receive blessing or help?

Finals are coming in a week's time. I'm not fully prepared. Orals, mcqs, written tests all crammed one after another. Some clashing, some to be taken on same days. Time is of the essence.

Body not functioning well. Getting frequent colds. Went looking for Clarinase this morning. Helped some. Hope I don't get a cold on the day I'm to fly back. Don't want to be quarantined in KLIA just because I have hints of sinus and a slight increase in temperature..

Understand why I fall today?
I kept a black mood today.
Celebrating ZhiHao's birthday, they messed up my bathroom with cream.
Spent an hour cleaning up the bathroom.
Spent another hour washing my clothes.
Wasted another hour trashing dirtied rug.
Wasted half an hour nursing my dried, torn, wrinkled and hurting hands.

Cried on the bus on my way home from class.
Suddenly recalled my past experience with C.
Berrated myself and regretted the things I did wrong.
The breakup was my fault.
The things I did only increased the distance between us.
Now I can see.
But to cry now is useless, nothing.
The past is the past and will never come back.
Bygones are bygones.
I wish..

Today wasn't a good day.
I fell.
And I fell hard.
Black clouds covered my sky.
A night's sleep should help temporarily.
Goodnight.
Damned..

PS. The female horses visited me last night again. I keep dreaming about stupid things. But they are so clear. Even now, I can recall the stress, fright, furiousness, and running I did. Why do I dream? And more importantly, why do I dream about her? It's not fair. I tell myself to ignore, to forget. Subconsciously? Damned..

Strangulation.

Strangulation. Tightening of one's airway until one is unable to draw air into one's lungs and thus will soon die of asphyxation.

I took a nap this afternoon and as usual placed my dog, Charis, on my chest while sleeping. But this time, something unusual happened. I was having an eventful, light sleep and was drifting in and out of consciousness. Drifting into consciousness meant I could hear and comprehend what was going on in the room, but I couldn't move my muscles at all. They felt as if they hadn't been used in ages and were so heavy. But that was normal.

Then, suddenly, at one of the times when I was drifting into consciousness, I felt my right arm being pushed over my chest. Then, the furriness of Charis' paw was felt on my neck. And there was a really heavy weight pressing down on my chest and neck. I couldn't breath for a long moment. It felt as if my soft toy dog, Charis, was holding my arm and pressing against my throat, trying to strangle me.

At that moment, I was struggling to breathe, I was struggling to move my arms and push Charis away, I was sending command after command to my muscles to kick, punch, move, anything..! But to no avail. That moment lasted like 10mins to me, but I don't know how long it really was. Then slowly, my leg began to move. I began to focus more on my leg, willing it to move, and praise God, it kicked. I kicked a few more times to awaken myself up and shifted my body. The weight upon my chest and neck diminished as I woke up..

I lifted Charis of my chest and lay back breathing deeply for awhile. At first I started to slowly drift back off to sleep. Then it suddenly entered my mind, the possibility that there could be unseen forces at work, using Charis to strangle me. Perhaps it was a warning, perhaps it was me being too tired, perhaps I shouldn't place things on my chest while sleeping. But I cannot neglect the possibility of supernatural forces at work. There have been sightings of a supernatural being on the 7th floor, and while we prayed for the 7th floor, it seems to have disappeared. But reports of main doors opening and yet nobody being there are turning up on the 14th floor. If whatever that thing is has come up to the 14th floor, we may yet need to organize another prayer specifically for the 14th floor.

This is my 2nd time experiencing such things. My first time was my arm lying over my neck and I was strangling myself. I hope this just passes as something trivial. If Charis tries to strangle me again tonight, I will have to bring up this matter in prayer meeting, however weird or improbable it may seem.

Sigh. I don't want to have to deal with supernatural stuff yet. =[

Summer..!

Spring is here! Or perhaps Summer, that I do not know. But I suppose it doesn't really matter. Well, the weather is so good that for the past 2 days us Pushkin-ers are going down to the park in the hostel compound and having fun playing all sorts of sports. I basketball, football, badminton, rollerblade, jog and skip rope. Today we skipped because all our muscles are sore from all the sudden exertion after such a long period of not having sports due to winter.

Anyway, summer, or rather spring is the time said for love to be in the air. Love is in the air eh? I can see that happening like wildfire in my hostel. People are seen together. I wonder if reproduction is being practiced as well.. =] That's a joke. I'm sure medical students know better than to obtain young in the course of growing up.

As for me. I'm going to be up quite late tonight to do some homework and revision since I've been lazy the past few days.. Sheesh, I now have mixed feelings. I want company "girlfriend" but yet I'm glad that I'm not attached now since there are certain things that are more fun to be doing without someone to have to look out for. A girlfriend would scold me when I play computer, go to the video arcade, skip lectures and tease other girls.. But yet a girlfriend would be there when times are hard, she would be a comforter, someone who could support me along in my life.

So, I'm keeping myself out of the Spring Love effect this year and see what happens, although it's not easy. Sigh..

Empowerment.
I so need it.

Finally..

Finally.. Biochemistry is over. At least for the time being. I can sit back and relax for awhile even though it didn't turn out the way I wanted it to be.

Sleep.. Is long awaiting me. Finally, solitude and bliss, in a world of my own..

Sick..

I have had some sleep.. But I overslept. And oversleeping takes it's toll because of the change in plans and having to revise everything. Goodness. I probably won't be sleeping tonight already..

Sigh..

And i'm not feeling well. Back burn from the stomach is hounding me. There's a constant heaty, burning feeling remaining in my throat, coming from my stomach..

Sigh..

I need to get well, and get over myself and get a grip on my work so that I don't develop the already developing fear towards biochemistry.

I also need to get out of scandalon.. Sigh.. Am I able to forgive? Will I be able to accept the forgiveness? I don't know..

Tiredness..

When it comes to being tired after a long hard day, I'm the first to drop. But when I get back to the comfort of my room and my computer. I tend to remain in front of my computer for a rather long period of time. Which reduces greatly the time I could have used to rest. Today, I have no choice. Sleep is first on my list. I will have a very long day tomorrow and I'll need tonight to prepare for it. Not resting now is not an option.

ZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZz..
I just pray that the female horses that usually come out at night don't pay me a visit.
If they do, it'll have been a wasted sleep..

Sleep..

I really have no self control over myself.. When I sleep, if there's no alarm or if no one comes to call me up, I can sleep for extremely long hours..

Waking up at 3pm is really depressing. Whatever has happened to my entire day? Tonight will be busy. The plans I had for the afternoon now need revising. The morning work still needs to be done. I don't have the time now.

This is bad. Either I'm so going to freak out now, later and tonight, or I'm going to just give up and chill around.. No motivation to do anything now, since just got up..

Will God help me..?