Mood Swings..

Depressed.

Each time I witness a happy time spent between a couple who are really in love and will stop at nothing to make each other happy and loved, I get depressed.. Not just feel down and lonely, but really depressed..

Celebrated ChiaZhen's birthday today. Witnessed Sharon's love for her "little boy". Going all out to get him a guitar as a present, making him a birthday video, allowing him to hug her and give her a birthday kiss on the forehead, and stopping only at admitting she loved him on camera. Sheesh, I really wish those 2 lovebirds all the best. Seriously speaking, I think my ZhaiZhai is the only one who can have Sharon. Because, if I think about it, I can't handle Sharon. We'd be argueing day and night if she was my girlfriend. So, to ZhaiZhai and Sharon, treasure each other. And Happy Birthday ZhaiZhai.. (",)

Back to me. I'm still depressed. Alyssa asked me if I liked WS. I couldn't answer. Well perhaps I really didn't know how to answer. "No?" "Maybe?" "I don't know?" "Perhaps?" All were unsuitable. Confused was more like it, but I can't be confused for so long. I believe it's developing due to being lonely and depressed after watching happy couples going at it all around me. WS, she's a great friend and a better groupmate. A good girl. Me? I hate myself, most of the time. Well, I do admit I care about her. But then again, I do care about all my friends. I care for each one much the same, and I joke similarly with each one. The one and only time I became really serious about one girl was with C and that one was really obvious that I drew back from all other girls and went for her only. Now no longer.

WS and me? Never. Not in a lifetime. It will never happen. There's no way. And I'm being serious about this.. A great friend to have. But not a girlfriend, and even more not a partner in life. And I'm sure she thinks the same way. Actually, I hope she thinks this way as well..

I need to protect my heart. It has been broken way too many times already. And I really can't take another break. Perhaps a wall around it might sufice.. I really don't know.

Depressed.
Really really depressed.
Goodnight world.
Tomorrow will be better.
God, please. Help me fully utilize tomorrow and make it a better day.
I trust You.
Goodnight Lord.