Today

Today is a better day. Well, at least it started off pretty smoothly. Now I'm trying my best to not blow up at anymore people. I also have to keep telling myself to stop thinking about WS. She drives me crazy in the most unexpected ways. I am not trying to get myself hooked. I'm here to study. She's learning to be Godly, I'm not here to pollute her.

Aaron! Don't pay so much heed to whatever she says or does. She's just another friend. Another good friend.

And don't blow up..!
Don't!!

Bad Times, Depressing Moments.

I just realised that when nice interesting stuff happens, I can't find the mood nor motivation to put it up here. But when something bad or depressing happens, I pull up this window and start typing. It's just human nature I guess.

So, obviously, I'm now depressed.

But, as always, I'll just sleep it off.

Tomorrow will be a better day.

Why?

I'm a little down right now..
I don't know why, but most sundays I come back to the hostel alone and feeling depressed..
I'm not too sure about the cause, not too sure about the reason..
But I suppose it's probably because I feel lonely.
I used to dream of going to church with a loved one and coming home with her..
We would have each other as company and God in the middle.
When I was going after someone I thought was the one, I dreamed of this.
Turns out it wasn't meant to be, perhaps not yet.
And here I am, ending up with a lonely phase in life which (of course) will pass.
Perhaps a good sleep and a decision to sit down and slough the whole night might make me feel better.
O Lord, please make me feel better tonight, enough to be able to lead prayer meeting..
I don't want to bring anyone down because of what I individually am feeling.
I'm a little down right now..
The song "YeQu" by JayChou best describes my feeling.
Get a translation and listen to the song, gives you some understanding of when you don't have a loved one beside you.
I'm a little down right now..
But I'll be better.
I always do.
Why should today be any different......

Peace out.

The Stages Of Studies.

The stage of Enthusiasm.
You receive the lesson materials for preparation.

The stage of Motivation.
You begin studying and learning. The materials seems new and interesting.

The stage of Laziness/Business.
The exam seems so far away. There's still time left for later. Things come up. They seem more important than the study materials whose deadline is so much farther away.

The stage of Stress.
Suddenly, exam is just around the corner. You don't know a single thing. Stress factors kick in. More often than not, accompanied with Running Back To God..

The stage of Resignation.
You resign to your fate. Exam is tomorrow and you realise that however much you push and stuff, nothing is going into your brain anymore. Saturation is at it's maximum. No more motivation left to study. Gone too is the stress and increased heart rate. You give up (in a way). Usually accompanied with complaints that there wasn't enough time and excuses such as "I'm leaving all to God" *bull, I say*

The stage of Heightened Senses.
Minutes before the exam itself, you're hurriedly discussing all possible points everyone can think of or trying to memorize all notes that might come out. Praying fervently to God so that everything studied comes out and everything skipped stays out of the exam.

The stage of Resolution.
After the exam, regardless of the result, you resolve to work harder for the next exam so as not to repeat the cycle. You make plans, draw schemes and feel good about yourself.

The cycle repeats itself the very next day and begins with The stage of Enthusiasm again.
Me? I'm currently at the stage of Resignation. I know for sure that I won't pass tomorrow's colloq since I still have some pending exams. But I'm sort of giving up on biochemistry. The subject is enjoyable if I wasn't so far behind and didn't have so much writing and copying to do. Sheesh. I'm preparing for the colloq and enjoying it even though I know for sure I won't be able to take the colloq tomorrow. Anyway, whatever. I don't care anymore.

PS. Mom, if you read this later, please know that I am serving as guitarist in church today and will be much exhausted in the afternoon since I was up discussing biochemistry with my groupmates yesterday night. I think I would need sleep this afternoon so that I can regenerate some energy that will keep me up tonight studying as well. Perhaps we could postpone our chat until monday afternoon when I'm done with some of the pending exams and before I have to prepare to give Physiology tuition at night.

God bless everyone but me.. *Sweat*

Life!

Life!

Trying my best to live ONE freakin Second at a Time..

At times like this, time passes way too slowly. And yet, time flies as well.. Jeez.. Life is so irregular and uneven..

Games

Crap.. I have a problem with the computer. I get on it, and I can't get off it. More self discipline needed. More motivation to study needed as well. Oh well, I decided not to touch any games in this past few days..

Will I get the motivation to study?

Only time will tell..

Wish me luck..

Studying..

I just realised that I feel like I have some purpose for my life and most satisfied whenever I study. But I just can't find the motivation to sit down. Though, when I do finally sit down, I find I end up satisfied and happy with my life. Like I'm finally doing something useful with my life.

Lousy day.. Better ending. Hope tomorrow brings greater day.

I want to feel wanted, not left out, not an outcast. I'm sure everyone wants to feel this way.

O Lord, prepare me heart. You have said, "It's not good for man to be alone". But You have also said, "I will not give you more than you can handle". So Lord, since my heart is weak, prepare me to be able to support a partner then provide me with the perfect one. Amen.

Goodnight Lord.