Life As It Comes

They Serve Best Who Give Most Of Themselves.

2010-01-12T17:56:00.000-08:00

Henry didn't understand why he was always asked to drive the church bus for Vacation Bible School. This was the third summer in a row.
"Lord, You know that I give my best at whatever You tell me to do. But, I'd like to do something else this year. Anyone can drive a bus!" he complained.
I have a reason for everything I do.
Henry knew God's voice, but his dissatisfaction made him pursue the situation further.
"I've driven the bus three summers in a row," he said to Jake, his longtime friend. "I've asked to do other things, but for some reason I'm always given the responsibility of driving the bus!"
"Why don't you ask Charlie, the administrator?" Jake said. "You'd better hurry though, because he's leaving town tomorrow."
"Come in, Henry," Charlie said, shaking his hand. "Have a seat. What can I do for you?"
"Thank you for seeing me on such short notice, Charlie. I've driven the Vacation Bible School bus now for three year. I enjoy it, but I'd like to do something else. I've asked to do other things, but for some reason I'm always assigned to drive. Why? Have I done something wrong?"
"Goodness, no!" Charlie exclaimed in surprise. "I'm sorry, Henry. I thought you knew that the parents and the children specifically ask for you. They've told me you know each child by name, and you make them feel special."
"You sing, make them laugh, and give them treats. You also take time to talk with their parents," Charlie continued. " We've told them that we have other drivers, but they want you."
"But, we want you to be happy. If you'll finish driving this week, I'll get with the board when I return and see what else we have for you to do."
That afternoon, Henry saw David and his mother waiting as he stopped the bus in front of their house. David hurried up the steps and gave Henry a big hug. His mother smiled and said, "We want to thank you for praying for David. When we took him to the doctor today, the ear infection was gone!"
Henry felt tears run down his face. "Lord, thank You for this special opportunity to serve You. Forgive me for making it look small. The rewards are truly great!"

Are you looking for something big to do for God? Maybe the biggest rewards come from doing the small things.
Colossians 3:23-24
Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward.

Today's devotion.

Lord, please help me to see that any small way I serve other is big in Your sight. Amen.

Inner Beauty

2010-01-05T11:39:00.001-08:00

When looking at someone else other than you, be it a friend, a classmate, a passerby, a colleague, or more importantly, a mate, the beauty is the aspect that attracts you. But what beauty is the main attraction? Is it the one covered up by synthetic cosmetics? Or is it the inner beauty.

Inner beauty:
1, Trustworthyness
2, Wisdom
3, Generosity
4, Diligence
5, Ability to speak wisely and kindly

Can you cultivate this inner beauty and look for such beauty in those around you?

Sharing by Sharon

Lord, help me cultivate my inner beauty so I can proudly show everyone around me how much You have done for me.

The Clean Ambulance.

2010-01-04T12:09:00.000-08:00

Saw an ambulance today. It was clean, shiny clean. Pulled up to the street near me. 2 paramedics rushed out. They were neatly dressed. Clothes were shining white, neatly pressed, without blemish. They carried a stretcher. The stretcher looked new, strong, firm, and white.

I thought to myself.. They must be going to rescue some rich person, or a politically famous person since it's not often that you see clean ambulances and neatly dressed paramedics with new stretchers. And I watched as they ran up to a drunk dirty old man collapsed on the sidewalk and strapped him in. *huh? All these for a dirty old bum who probably was homeless too?*

But a small voice spoke to me, how much better do you think you are, compared to that old drunk? Remember the clean, unblemished one who came for you when you were drowning in your dirty, filthy sins? No one is better than the other in God's eyes, since all are with sin. But Jesus still came. He still came. Be grateful.

Sharing by Yow in prayer meeting today.

Lord, thank you for coming for me even though I did not deserve it.

Worry

2009-12-13T14:48:00.000-08:00

Worry, was; is; and always will be, a part of our lives. Whether we like it or not. Worry for some, is bad, because it brings along disease, problems, premature aging etc. And worry for some, is good, because it helps them rely more on God, to see his miraculous power and glory, helping them in times of need.

But for me, my worry is self-created. I bring worry upon myself. Traits such as procrastination, laziness, lack of motivation, unwillingness to find out etc etc always lead to worry, and even perhaps, reprimandation, scolding, and if seriously enough, degradation in the student-teacher community and black marked.

And since this worry was self-brought upon, I have no face to turn back to God. I have no right to waste my time and life away, and as deadlines draw closer, hug God's feet and beg with tears. I have no right to ask for something I do not deserve. And so, I worry alone. Alone..

All alone..

Один..

Joy Like A Child

2009-11-21T12:23:00.000-08:00

It's been a long time since I last came here myself. Though, I really do wonder if anyone has really been curious enough about me to keep up the blog visits even with the lack of activity. Come to think of it, I really don't think so.

Anyway, I just realized that I've changed. I've lost the joy and excitability I used to have. Looking at my sister laughing and chatting away non stop at every single thing, making my tired friends YKH and JT laugh, I realized that things have changed for me. I used to be exactly like that. I would talk non stop, I would become excited at every single little thing that occured, I would laugh and chatter and unknowingly lift up the spirits of those who were around me.

But now..

As my sister chatters away, I stand in the background, arms crossed, a tired look in my eyes. I just cannot bring myself to say a word, much less laugh. Even a smile takes effort. I wish I could be home, with my family, resting, chilling, playing, sleeping. Anything but thinking. I realized that I've probably mixed a little too much with my friends, with whom would ignore me while I was excited because they probably feel as much as I do now, wanting to get home and leave the tiredness of the world behind.

Thus..

By and by I learnt to shut up. I learnt to keep silent, to keep to myself. I learnt to "grow up". I learnt that "grown ups" are supposed to keep to themselves, to keep quiet and to ignore the cheerful and excited. "Grown ups" look down on "children".

Looking at the bright side, I probably make much less of a fool of myself at occasions since I'm not that active anymore. But I can't help but wonder if my growing up just so that I could mix with my friends was a mistake. Have I lost what it takes to be a child of God? Have I completely lost the cheerfulness, the optimism, the brightness of being a "child"? God only knows.

The bible does say that we need to have the joy of a child, the faith of a child. Children seem to be much better than adults. Why did I grow up.. It's too late now.

Down but ... out?

2009-09-13T10:46:00.000-07:00

This is bad. It seems to be a relapse of last year. No mood to study, no endurance to push forward, sliding backwards and downwards. This is bad, really bad. I wonder why.

I guess I know why, and I'll need to get to the root and settle it. But my self-control is really really poor. What about this year's responsibilities? No! I want to, yet I don't want to. I need someone to control me, but I'm not a girl, no one will take care of me other than myself.

I'm falling sick once again. Bad health? Cellular problems? Immunodeficiency? Sigh..

I'm not relying on God once again. Sigh, will I wait for God to hit me again before I step back up? Or will I find the strength to go back to Him myself? Time will tell, but time isn't what I have right now.

Lonely again. Keeping busy keeps those thoughts away. But the current me has no motivation to keep busy at all. I love the time in classes when I'm working my brain. But to do that I'll need to prepare class material in advance. Where's the motivation. Whatever happened to asking Jesus to fill the empty space in my heart?

This can't go on. But can I make it stop?

I can't stay down. I must not!

Get up Aaron..GET UP NOW!!!

Now.. 09/09/09

2009-09-08T12:44:00.000-07:00

I just got my internet. But I don't have the time to sit down and put down my thoughts, words and deeds for the past few days here. So I guess since I'm bored of studying pharmaco now, I'd just place a few words about the past few days since I got here..

God is good. He's taking care of me, although I still don't understand what He is doing.
I'm currently staying alone in a 3-sitter room, but the mama says she will put the next guy who enters the hostel into my room..
I've just managed to settle down, but I'm on the 1st floor while 90% of my coursemates and friends are staying on the 5th floor..
My 'babies' are still at Kahov hostel, in Alyssa's room. I hope she hasn't cooked and eated any yet..
My room is cold 24/7. The morning sun is blocked by the opposite room while the evening sun is blocked by the apartment behind my hostel.
The bugs here are HUGE!! But at least they're slow flying, so I catch them and squish them and burn them to end their misery quickly.
But I'm really really thankful to my LORD for helping me settle my documents here in Moscow, even though I had to stand for hours, push and squeeze in crowds, and deal with money hungry people, but I still got them done. Praise God.

Oh by the way, today, 09/09/09 is my parents' 24th Wedding Anniversary. Dear mom, dear dad, thanks for bringing me to this world, to be able to feel, experience what the world holds for me. Thank you both for standing by me through the joy and the laughter, though the tears and the pain, for holding me when I was lonely, for teaching me when I was unlearned, for helping me whenever I fell into 'deep shit'. I just can't thank you both enough and all I can do now is tell you 'I LOVE YOU BOTH' from the bottom of my heart.

I LOVE YOU MOM AND DAD..!! HUGS AND KISSES FROM YOUR ELDEST SON AARON. I WILL MAKE YOU BOTH PROUD OF ME..!!

Update.

2009-08-30T07:11:00.000-07:00

It's been some time since I last got to update this blog. I've been having some stressful moments worrying about things that I suppose I shouldn't need to worry about.

Currently I'm living in Spartiv, bunking in Andrew Kok's room for the time being. Amy has entered Yougo hostel and is currently settling down and living with her old roommates. My coursemates and I will move to Kuzmin hostel on Monday when the people staying there evacuate our rooms. Of course I'll have to rush to the dean's office with Amy on Monday to obtain my permission slip to enter Kuzmin to stay.

Now I've not unpacked, for fear that moving later will be very much troublesome. I'm also not too happy because I'm disturbing Andrew's privacy. Staying at Spartiv means I'm staying as a guest in a friend's room. I guess I should be thankful that I have a bed and don't need to sleep on the floor unlike some of my other friends. Then again, I want very much to have a permanent hostel and great roommates. But it doesn't seem like that'll happen this year. I have to adapt, to keep thinking positive thoughts for whatever happens to me.

Went to church today. The message title was "The Journey-Part 1-Ready to Travel"
It seems like God spoke to me and told me to prepare to take a journey with Him, so be obedient to His words, and to have faith in His plans, and He will provide me with everything I'll need. It won't be easy, but as I was reminded today, He has never failed me in the past, so why would this time be any different? I need to trust Him, to place my life in His Hands and to allow Him to shape and mold me into the vessel that He can use for His Work here on this earth. And the molding and shaping process is what will hurt the most. I suppose I have to endure it so as to be able to increase and to be prepared for more things in the future.

Exodus 12:1-12 Talks about the preparation for the passover. How God gave instructions and how the israelites had to follow or perish. And how God provided them with all they needed by allowing them to "plunder" the Egyptions before leaving Egypt. Exodus 14:5-7,10-12 talks about needing to have faith in whatever God does.

The world promises destiny, but one is always left wanting more. God says today, "come on a journey with Me". I guess I have to prepare and go. Whatever comes will be from God. And I take comfort in these words that God hath said to me: "I will not allow you to go though something that you are unable to stand, I will only give you tests and trials that I know very well you are able to get though and by that, although it may very well hurt you to the bone, but if you pass the test, you will come out a better man."

Lord Almighty, my insignificant life is in Your Hands. Please protect and guide me along. Amen.

Thoughts..

2009-08-27T21:29:00.000-07:00

Here I am, sitting in Dubai airport waiting for time to pass so that I can board the plane that would take me to Moscow. But I'm worried. I'm afraid. I'm stressed out. I'm frustrated. And there's nothing I can do.

I still need to worry about finding a place to stay when I reach Moscow. I might be able to enter Spartiv hostel to stay temporary with seniors. But if possible it would be so much better to immediately enter Kuzmin hostel as a guest so that I can settle down immediately after getting my Kuzmin hostel pass.

Someone lost the luggage that I stored in Moscow. The things that I kept inside, even I can't remember the exact things, but they were mine, and thus they were important. How could people be so careless. Such a big bag, such a heavy bag, and they could allow some unknown person to steal it from under their noses.

I'm worrying about the process of settling down. My classes start on the 1st of Sept, but I can only move into my assigned hostel on the 31st of Aug. And after moving in, I'll need to unpack, settle down, shop for groceries and neccessities, obtain library books, pay fees, pay insurance, confirm residence for a year, make visa..etc etc. And the list goes on. Problem is, I only have 1 day to try to complete all that..

But I suppose I'll have to learn to completely rely on God. He has taken care of me for so long and has never failed to give me the best. So why would He not do so now? It's just my human nature that will keep worrying and wondering and waiting. I still need to learn patience, to allow God's time and plans to come to pass.

Lord, my life is in Your Hands. Take it and care for it. Whatever happens, I will do my very best to accept and adept. But it definitely won't be easy. Lord, help me.

21st Birthday

2009-08-26T01:58:00.000-07:00

22nd August, went back to Ipoh to celebrate me birthday with my family and immediate relatives.
Custom was whoever turned 21, he/she had to "belanja" everyone else a really good dinner. So..

Uncle picked East Ocean..

Really posh place..

This is supposed to be a mixed seafood crock pot. Whatever seafood you name, it's there..

Veggies. Never left out of any meal.

Steamed chicken. For those who don't eat seafood and pork.

Tofu with minced meat and leeks.

Char Siew. The "pork".. But it was good. =]

This was what my bowl of mixed seafood looked like..

My cake.

My happy grandparents. Their 5th grandchild just turned 21. =p

Family photo. My lil bro just hasn't learnt to be photogenic yet.. He'll learn to learn..

My "Kampow"

My grandparents' family is so growing. New additions coming in every year. I'm going to be an uncle soon.. =p

I'm 21 now. Have to throw my childhood behind me and take up my role as a young adult. Really going to be needing God's help in this.. Leaving my comfort zone and protectional umbrella of my parents. Long road ahead.. Sigh..

CG Trip To Cameron Highlands.

2009-07-24T07:14:00.000-07:00

Last weekend, my CG and I took a trip to Cameron Highlands for a 3 day 2 nights outing for some fun, fellowship and sightseeing. Trip was planned by our leaders Lazarus, Pinx and MingWei; big 姐姐s Laura and Joanne were there to look after us and we left on a happy Saturday morning. Since a picture says a thousand words, I'll let you all take a look at pics of the trip as I tell the story, save me from typing an IELTS level essay.. =p

Anyway, Day 1, Saturday, breakfast..

Guess what..? It just had to be BakKutTeh..

Then we set off.. That Handsome Hunk is Ming Wei, my driver.

We drove to Ipoh, Simpang Pulai to be exact then cut across it to start up Cameron Highlands. Trip took about 3 hours. I was having a mild cold and so had pumped myself up with Clarinase to try to prevent others from catching it too. Unfortunately, some of them caught it. Clarinase made me so unresponsive during that whole day.. Anyway, Cameron Green, Boungainvilla. Our home for 2 nights. Great place.

Looks just like any apartment from the outside..

But the outside view from the balcony was awesome/breathtaking..

The block had 3 bedrooms, 2 of which had personal bathrooms; a kitchen; a living room; and a dining area.. This is the room I shared with 3 other guys. Since there were 5 girls, they split and shared the other 2 bedrooms.. (I think they were bullying us.. =p)

Living room.. Cosy..

First night dinner menu: Steamboat.
Seems like it was a must for anyone coming to cool places like Cameron, Frasers or even Genting.. Lazarus proposed less quantity and more variety. Glad he said that. We still ended up with leftovers eventhough the quantity was already greatly decreased.. Great dinner.

Look at all the happy faces. =] Except me, the photographer of course..

After the steamboat dinner, we gathered in the living room for a small "service" of our own since we would miss church on the next day. I was doing the sharing and I talked about realising and noticing and giving thanks for the "left hand of God at work".

That's me. I just had to take a picture of myself since I was getting rather annoyed at not being in a lot of photographs taken.. =p

We had free time after the "service"..

And the poor wash up crew.. Sis and Lazarus..

The next day, the guys got up early to spend some Quality time with God. Lazarus who got up at 8am and entered the bathroom woke all the guys up. After he was done, Ming Wei went into the bathroom. So I snoozed until he came out then it was my turn to get ready. And lastly, Danny. And even after our personal devotions with God, the girls were still in dreamland and we were getting hungry. So Ming Wei started playing his guitar, I started singing. Or rather, screaming out those Hillsongs/Planet Shakers songs in high key. That got the girls up. And we had our breakfast soon.. =p
After breakfast, we began our sightseeing by going to Parit Falls.

Here was where we parked and started to use our legs.

Crossed a bridge.. (I'm the photographer again..) >=[

Nice place.. All flora, quiet and peaceful.. Love places like that.. Gives me space to think..

Second bridge. This one overlooking the falls. But we couldn't see anything from up there.

That's Parit Falls. Behind the guy trying to look cool, below the bridge.

There. A close up.

From above. Not as clean as the falls in Sarawak where people go to bathe though..

Then someone got hungry, someone wanted to go eat icecream pancakes, so to humor someone, we went to go try out this so called "good" pancakes. I tell you, it WAS GOOD! Wow, miss it already. The owner and his wife were both deaf people. But they were so homely and so nice, made us feel so welcome.

Next up, Bala's Chalet..

And the English Tea Garden that was for the Chalet guests to use. We just snuck in to take pictures.. =p

The teahouse.

Does that bird remind you of someone? =p

Great plants they have.. Must be the cool weather.. I can never get results like this back home..

Gotta love the quaint antique style homes they have.

After the tea garden, we went to the smokehouse. It's supposedly an English-left-behind artifact which is now preserved for all to see and enjoy.

Amazed at the variety of plants and flowers they had.

Building structure.. (I'm not much of an antique lover, but I know how to appreciate fine art when I see them)

They speak for themselves. =)

She so totally ruined what could have been a nice picture.. Nice one Pinx.. =p

Group photo. =D

Someone's getting bored. XD

Another group photo. The best one of all, if I say so myself..

Next up, the strawberry farm.

It was right beside cactus valley.

Never knew that tomato plants could grow so high..

And there were grapes growing above us. Literally above us wherever we walked..

Did I mention I love watching fish swim? I can stare at them for hours and feel so refreshed after that.

That is one BIG cactus. *Must be the fertilizer or some growth potion or something..*

We couldn't resist..

Now there were 2 bored fellas. ;p

Couldn't resist either. =D

Strawberries on the left; Hydroponic vegetables on the right; Grapes on top. =]

I don't remember what that was, but it looks cool.

Our final stop of the day, 'BOH' tea centre. Sungai Palas.

We had to pass a great many tea plantations along the way though a long narrow winding road.

As above.

A close up.

Even after parking, we still had to climb up to the tea centre. That dirt trail was pretty dangerous. Luckily no injuries occured.

Group photo at the top.

More bored people.

After the tea centre, we went back home for some rest and recreation before dinner. Most slept, but some energy filled youngsters turned on the TV. We visited the pasar malam for dinner. CharKueyTeow, fried sotong, steamed corn, fried veggies/mushrooms, asam laksa, Ramli burgers etc were on our menu that night. We bought our stuff and drove back to the apartment to feast together. Then, after dinner was a free for all. Some of us played, some of us fellowshipped, some of us watched TV, and some of us disappeared and were never seen again until the very next day. =p
I stayed up to watch a few episodes of CSI and House since I love those series and don't have Astro at home. It was 3am when I turned off the TV.

Day 3. Again, the guys were up before the girls. But this time, Joanne was there with us before Danny got up. I made some kind of soup with the leftover fishballs and beancurd from the steamboat and cooked "yee mee" for some of them. We packed, loaded the cars and after force turning off the TV, we left for the morning market. Some people wanted fresh veggies.

Look at the amount of stuff sold..

We came down from Cameron to a HOT CALM BURNING afternoon in Ipoh. Went to Kong Hee for late lunch. Ipoh "Sar Hor Fun" is just the best. =p Then someone wanted "Yim Kok Kai" (Salted chicken), so I took the advantage of getting one myself, for I had never tried it before, although I was born in Ipoh.. It was rather disappointing to find that it wasn't anything special and unknowingly, I had already figured out that secret to salted chicken 2 years ago in Russia. =p

It was a great trip.
God's blessing was there.
I'm sure everyone had fun.
Good night people. =]

Down..

2009-07-23T07:50:00.000-07:00

Feel a little down today..
More empty in a way..
It's company that I would like..
But from experience I know it isn't right..
It's God I'm missing..
However much I'm denying..
And I know it's time to have a talk with Him.

I feel lonely..
Like there's nobody..
I miss the company..
That used to be right beside me..
I wish it could come back again..
And ease a little of my pain..
Sigh, I guess it's time to talk to Him.

The past is the past..
And it should be like this till the last..
But bad times hit me..
As it does when I'm unhappy..
I'm emotionally drained..
But there's something to be gained..
It's time to talk to Him..

God please help me..
Fill me so that I won't be alone again..

A Little Reflection..

2009-07-16T09:46:00.000-07:00

Was reminded today by someone/something about my old longing for a partner in life. I've been keeping myself busy wasting away doing nothing useful and so I didn't really have time to bother or worry about the fact that I'm still single. Whenever people remind me that my e-mail address is single_till2010@yahoo.com, I just laugh with them and brush off the comment that my deadline for being single is drawing near.

But all in all, I still feel the need for a partner in life. Someone who can stand my me and all my ideals and goals in life, who can help me and support me as we strive to achieve our goals in life.. I crave for the one who can hold me nand when I'm down and tell me everything is going to be okay. I look forward to the one who can hug me tightly and comfort me when my life seems to be crashing down in a way that it can't be rebuilt. I wish the day when the one I can love and care for the rest of my life would enter my world would come, and we could then begin a new chapter in the book of life in the kingdom of God. Albeit a little reluctantly, I also wait for the day when that special someone would tell me off whenever bad habits kick in and make me disgrace myself.

Sure, true friends can do some of these things. But there will always be a limit to what they can do as friends. As for only the special one and only can cross that barrier and reach close to the heart, give love the way God created man for and companionship. Oh, that the day would come..

But I was reminded also by a song a brother has blessed me with. It's called 好好恋爱 which means, a good courtship.
我的天父，可否让我好好的谈恋爱
不在流泪，不再伤痛，不再聚合又要分开
我的天父，我只想要安稳地找个人来爱
请让我知道那个人在不在

我的孩子，难道你忘记了我就是爱
学懂爱我，学懂爱你自己，你就懂好好恋爱
我的孩子，何不尝试安静得慢慢去等待
你就会知道那个人在不在

你是否愿意相信，每时每刻都在我手里
没有事情是太早或是太迟
愿意相信
我叫你顺服，我的旨意

愿意相信
没有事情是太早或是太迟
爱我的主，我愿意相信，万事万物都在你手里
请教我顺服，你的旨意

My Heavenly Father, can You let me have a good courtship
No more tears, no more pain, no more relationships that end in breaking up
My Heavenly Father, I only want to securely love someone
Please let me know if this person exists

My child, have you forgotten that I am love
Learn to love me, learn to love yourself, and you will know how to courtship
My child, why don't you try quietly and patiently waiting
And you will know whether or not that person exists

Are you willing to believe, every hour every second is in My Hands
Nothing is too early or too late
Willing to believe
I ask you to obey, My Will

Willing to believe
Nothing is too early or too late
The God who loves me, I am willing to believe, everything in this world is in Your Hands
Please teach me to obey, Your Will

Wow.. I'm learning to wait, and enjoy the wonders of being single when I still can. For I strongly believe, I wasn't meant to be alone. Somehow, I just feel that God's future plan for me doesn't involve me being alone. So I will wait. I will wait until God reveals to me just exactly what He has in store for me.

Amen. (",)

A Day Well Spent In KL.

2009-07-14T05:35:00.000-07:00

Went down to KL with my dad today. Followed him down to his workplace which was in the tmnet building at Kerinchi then took his touch-and-go card and left.. =p

Firstly, I took the LRT to Ampang Park, where I overshot because I fell asleep and got off 2 stations past Ampang Park. I had to cross to the opposite line, wait for the next LRT then get back to Ampang Park where I waited for the U22 Rapid KL bus. The bus really took it's time coming and then didn't drop me off at the Ampwalk stop even though I pressed the stop button a few times. If I wasn't rushing for time, I would've probably given the driver a piece of my mind. Anyhow, I got off the next stop and backtracked walking to the Ampwalk offices where I made my way to Russian Resources to pay course fees for my sister and I.

I met my sister's ex-roommate's parents there. We spent a good 2 whole hours chatting and "gossiping" about the problematic MMA and it's agents-MosLanka. Mr Low from the Penang branch joined us and together, the four of us shared experiences and opinions. I left for lunch at noon and that was because Mr Low had a previous engagement which he had to rush off to. I had lunch at The Yellow Hat and had the set A which was coloured fragrant rice and chicken marinated and baked in pandan leaves. Wasn't too bad, actually exceeded my expectations. =]
*Charis, wonder if you remember The Yellow Hat or not.. =p*
**Too bad I didn't bring my camera, the coloured rice was something one doesn't see everyday**

After the meal, I contemplated 1 of 2 choices, I needed to get to the monorail to travel to my next destination and there were 2 ways of getting there:
1, I could travel by LRT 3 stops to the station connecting the monorail or
2, I could walk past 3 bus stops from the LRT station to the nearest monorail station.
I decided to save $$ and walked. Thank God the sun wasn't up and I reached the monorail without incident. A few smses from WS kept me company.

I travelled by monorail to Chow Kit station then walked on foot to the KLGH where opposite was my place of intention-Kamal's bookstore. Kamal's sold medical books/equipment/supplies besides the usual drinks and junk food. I bought the medical equipment I would need for my missions trip to Indonesia and those that I would need for my subsequent courses in MMA.

Sphigmomanometer, Stethoscope, Dissection kit, Penlight and Thermometer.

*Aren't they cool? I so feel like a doctor now..*

After purchasing, I had to walk back to the monorail station. Then I contemplated another 1 of 2 choices, I needed to get to KLCC which was next to Ampang Park to spend the rest of my day shopping and again, there were 2 ways to get there:
1, I could take the monorail to the station connecting to the LRT or
2, I could travel back to Bukit Nanas station, get down and walk back 3 bus stops to KLCC.
I chose the latter to save $$.

When I got to KLCC, the first thing I did was to get to an information counter and ask about the location of lockers if there were any. The answer came back negative. Then I asked for her opinion to keep the equipment I bought so I could enjoy my walk-walk in KLCC. She suggested I try the helmet storage in the carpark. I made my way there and found that it was LOCKERS!! But they were coin operated and required 2 50cent coins to operate. *I am still furious at the guy who canceled the RM1 coin* I didn't have 50cent coins, so I dragged the equipment back up to the shopping center and started to ask for change.
Guardian didn't have change.
*Saw maybank money changer*
Money changer only had notes, told me to go inside.
Guard told me to go ask at counter 4.
Counter 4 didn't have coins, she asked counter 3 and 5 and her boss, neither had.
Asked me to go to counter 7.
*Counter 7 was inside thick misted glass doors, scared me a little*
Asked for 2 50cent coins.
Girl searched her money box then apologetically told me she only had enough coins for 1 ringgit..
Sometimes life can just be so funny and so irritating at the same time. At least I was too tired and overjoyed to get pissed off. I smiled, exchanged the money, and thanked God for providing the means to store my stuff.

After storage, I went to Guardian to get medical supplies for my next few years in medicine.

Latex gloves, Face masks and a bottle of waterless disinfectant.

Then I started my "window shopping spree". I had wanted a backpack and a slingbag for quite some time and I put that as my mission for that day. I walked the entire 6 floors of KLCC, looked into every shop that sold bags and finally called my mom to ask for permission to spend a little more cash to get the bags that I thought were suitable for my needs and weren't too expensive.

Converse brand.
I've never heard of this brand before, guess that's why it's not that expensive..

So then, after I bought the bags, it was already 4.30pm and time for me to begin making my way back to my dad's office. So I shuffled to the lockers, got my belongings and staggered to the LRT station under KLCC. Wobbled in the transit, dragged my poor hurting feet to the office building and found a bench for a short reprive in the airconditioning. Sms-ed my dad to ask about timing and hobbled to the mart to buy H2O. Other than an ice-lemon-tea at lunch and a slurpee after Kamal's bookstore, this was my only life replenishment for the entire day..

Saw an "Archie" magazine in the mart and read it while waiting for my dad to finish off and come down. And of course, I could only read it standing up. So I was soooo glad when my dad came down and we went to the car and I was able to sit down for the journey home.

All in all, it was a good, well spent day.

PS. Praise God, I didn't have anymore problems and bad memories that ruin my day in KLCC unlike the last time I was there in January. That means I have finally been able to let go of Charis and take a step forward in life. Which also means I can now talk openly of her instead of using abbrevations. Thank You God for leading me onward.

My Busy Weekend.

2009-07-12T19:04:00.001-07:00

Lemme see.. A quick recap of my weekend, my busy weekend on the 11th till the 12th of July.

11th July, Saturday.
Grandparents came down from Ipoh for an overnight visit. Because they wanted to see me and I couldn't go down to see them.. So sad.. I feel bad man.. Anyway, in the morning, my mom went to my aunt's for facial treatment and my grandparents went there first for lunch. Then in the afternoon, they came to my place for a chat, a rest then they went out for seafood dinner. But I didn't go. Because, my childhood friend and best buddy Kan Ming Wei had a birthday party at his place for a few people. Fella turned 21. So I went for his party.

Look at the food..

And drinks..

And *booze* =]

Got bored and crashed his room while he was downstairs.

Cake cutting time.

Of course we needed a little extra.. =p

And the result..

Us (except Sunny who left early)

Chun Tung and "Xinn Ee"

And our final shoot wif "Xinn Ee" on the floor.. =p

Reached home about 12.30am Sunday morning. At least I didn't get stoned, unlike a certain someone I know.. =]

12th July, Sunday.
Went to church in the morning. Then rushed off immediately to "The Curve/Ikea/Ikano Power Center/Damansara Utama" to meet up with my grandparents and my uncles, aunties and cousins. Went to this posh Chinese-Hokkien restaurant for lunch.

Name of the restaurant.

The interior design was kinda cool.

Pork cutlets and yam broth.

Lightly fried pork cutlets and yam sticks.

"white coloured red blood cells" according to my lil bro.

Pork intestine and tofu steamed in a whole bitter gourd.

Flattened fishballs and veggie stew.

Chicken.

Washed down with lemony warm water.

Ooh.. I'm hungry again.. Sweat.. (come to think of it, there are a lot of pork dishes.. hmmm, the adults ordered, we kids had no say in it..)
Later, we went to Ikea to get that free cup of coffee and chat awhile before my grandparents began their journey back to Ipoh. I also saw the dance mat for PC and I'm seriously considering buying it and bringing it to Moscow for exercise.. =p

I loooove dancing and singing.. Didn't you know that?

Seafood..!!

2009-07-05T09:24:00.000-07:00

6 months..
It had been 6 months since I last ate fresh seafood.
Moscow does not have any rivers running from the sea to it.
Neither is it near any seas either.
So the only seafood I can get there are preserved/salted/expensive ones.

Today my dad said he wanted to treat us to seafood, so we went to Telok Gong which is somewhere near Port Klang where they do fishing and where the seafood would definitely be fresh.

Ooh.. The fresh fish..

And fresh "lala"

Fried "sotong"
*obviously much better than the ones my friends and I make by ourselves in Moscow*

Asparagus, not found in Russia

And lastly for the day, Crrrraaaabbb!!
Marmite flavoured.

Thank You God that I am able to eat and enjoy such sumptious foods.. =]

Birthday Lunch With Pastor Chi Meei.

2009-07-02T03:00:00.000-07:00

Today, 2nd July, is Pst. Chi Meei's birthday. I found out from facebook, told my mom, she confirmed (somehow) and she called and booked lunch with Pst. Chi Meei. So after dropping my lil brother at school, we drove down to she place to pick her up. The we decided to go to Jusco's Oldtown White Kopitiam for lunch. Had fun telling her about fun and tough experiences in Moscow. Then after taking up most of the afternoon at the Kopitiam, we dropped her back at home and came back.

On the way back, I stopped by some fish stores to see if I could buy prawns or not. Too bad, there were none to be found at the moment.. So sad.. '=(

Anyway, finally got out of the house, even if for an afternoon.. Will there be more of such chances? I wonder..

Wasted..

2009-06-22T19:34:00.000-07:00

My life is rather wasted at the moment. I don't have the freedom and resources nor time to do the things that I really want. Sigh..

Few quotes that I like:

Unless I grip the sword, I can not protect you;
While gripping the sword, I can not embrace you.

Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow;
Don't walk behind me, I may not lead;
Just walk beside me and be my friend.

When life is good, we run ahead, leaving 1 set of footprints in the sand;
When life is rotten, God carries us, leaving 1 set of footprints in the sand;
So, although God is always with us, we only see 1 set of footprints in the sand.

One is reminded brutally of how time flies when one notices the season change.

God never moves;
If we feel distant from Him, we moved.

To be single or not to be single, that is the question;
Spring is here, love is in the air.

Life as it comes at me;
There were hard times, there were fun times;
There were tough times, there were easy times;
There were times with companionship, there were lonely times;
But during each and every time, God was there right beside me;
I just always failed to notice.

But who?
Is she right beside me or is it another bad dream?

I've met her and lost her;
It's all in the past now;
Wish I could've made it last in the present.

I will not admit the authenticity nor will I deny it;
Think what you will.

.................................................................................................................................................
These are a few lines I've used in my lifetime and I think they're my best quotes ever.. Loooove them. (",)

Best Dad In The World!!

2009-06-21T08:53:00.000-07:00

My dad..
Best dad a son could ever have.
He always provides,
He always comforts,
He always encourages,
He always gives,
He always allows,
He always find opportunities,
He always cares,
He always worries,
He always stands,
And he is always there whenever we kids need him.
My pillar of support for any problem I face.
Best dad I could ever have.
Best father my heavenly Father could have ever provided.

I LOVE YOU DAD!!

Although, I'm not too happy with your schedule needing you to go to Australia for a 2 weeks stint just as I return back from Moscow.. But, we'll make do temporarily, and we'll be eagerly awaiting your return.
Be safe.
God bless always.
Love you always. =]

Just For Fun..

2009-06-19T10:51:00.000-07:00

For no reason now I just suddenly have the desire to blog. I probably have something I need to get off my chest but I can't really pin point what. So now, even without an idea of what to say, I'm here in front of my computer typing non stop into this post now..

I suppose I felt rather relieved when a long awaited arrival to Malaysia was finally confirmed. And I had to be the one to poke 1st only I got the reply.. I suppose when people return to their homeland/towns the things around them become temporarily more important than those who are worrying about them. Mark the word temporarily.. I believe deep down after the initial excitement, people settle down and begin to resume normal lives, caring for those who are in need once again.

Hmmm.. The above paragraph doesn't make any sense. Even though I wrote it, it still doesn't make sense to me.. Well, it obviously made much sense to me when I was writing it or else I wouldn't have wrote it.. I guess.. Ah well, mind in a turmoil.

CG earlier was also a great help. Needing to prepare for the sharing and during the sharing itself took my mind of whatever was bothering me. Also, CG reminded me what I was here for, to be God's salt and light and messenger. The harvest was plentiful but the workers were few. I can't slack off now. Great.. Got a hold of myself. So I guess this post ends here then. I hope this feeling lasts even tomorrow..

By the way, I really should stop reading manga.. I wish I have a girlfriend I could treasure.. Oh Lord, I am so not ready, please show me how unready I am and how I would hurt the girl I went after if I did it now. Some gals are just so pretty and cute..

My dictionary: cute-adorable and not ugly.

Sigh, God always wins in the end. All glory and praise be onto Him.

(",)

How I Almost Died After Meeting Pastor Kevin Loo..

2009-06-15T08:57:00.000-07:00

The day after I came back from Moscow, Russia, my mom told me we were invited to a housewarming party potluck where Pastor Kevin Loo was also attending. She wanted me to cook Borsh which was a Russian type of beetroot soup. I did my best but still felt that it tasted more like Malaysian tomato soup instead of Borsh.

Anyway, we went to the party, met Pastor Kevin Loo, had fun, chatted, discussed about MF, talked about the missions MF was having and etc etc. Then was the food. It had been almost a year that I had not had rendang, KFC, fried chicken, nasi lemak (original), fruits (assortment), kuihs, beehoon, and many many more. I especially enjoyed the ikan bilis for that wasn't available in Moscow.

Then the problem began. I was sitting outside the house eating and listening to the chatting going on when I suddenly noticed that the ulcer on my left cheek had swelled to 3x it's size. I dismissed it as the sambal swelling effect of whom I was enjoying at that moment. About a minute later, I started to feel the symptoms of an asthma attack coming on. It was just my luck that I didn't have my inhaler with me. I decided to tell my parents and discuss the possibility of going home.

As I dumped my plate and utensils in the bins and staggered towards the house, I realised that it was getting harder and harder to breathe. That got me confused, since an asthma attack didn't occur that quickly. I started getting the effects of hypoxia which was lightheadedness and I increased my pace to my parents. As I was telling them about the asthma attack, my nose began to dribble and my eyes started tearing. My eye lids were getting itchy too. I suspected an allergy attack (hypersensitivity) and told my parents so. They then began to look for our hostess and started the rites of goodbye-saying bye to the guests, to Pastor Kevin Loo and to the hostess herself.

Then I started feeling itchyness at the back of my throat and I suspected swelling was occuring there too. We got in the car, my dad started the engine and I felt the itchyness spread to my inner ears. By now I was using all energy I had just to force air into and out of my lungs, it was that congested. Hypoxia was getting serious and I hoped I wouldn't black out for then it would be a definite goner for me. Dad picked up our hostess and she directed us to the nearest clinic. I rushed in and told them my symptoms, then asked for a ventolin inhaler while the debated whether it was an emergency or not.

I finally was ushered into the emergency room of the clinic and I tried as medically as possible to describe my symptoms to the doctor. I could now breathe after puffing the ventolin steroids which forcefully dilated my airways. The doc, a nice guy agreed with my suspicion of allergy and gave me an anti-histamine shot to try and lessen the allergy effects. It did begin to abide comfirming the diagnosis of allergy. Now my problem was that I didn't know what had caused the allergy. I couldn't be the food that I ate for they were everyday normal foods. I sorta suspected it might have been pollen or dust blown in from outside but I can't know for sure. Anyhow, I'll be carrying my inhaler everywhere with me just in case it hits again.

There you have it. My near death experience. I suppose this doesn't have anything to do with Pastor Kevin but I just thought it'd be fun to mention that I met up with him. He extended me an invitation to see me again at the doctor's convention in August. Still debating whether I should/could attend or not. But the title kinda rocks. =p

I'm sure God has plans for me for not letting me leave earth that evening 14th June 2009. Now all I need to do is find out what He has in store for me. =]

Praise God always for He is good.

The End Of Examinations.

2009-06-15T08:23:00.000-07:00

This is to bring up to date upon whatever happened before-during-after my final session, Biochemistry.

There were 300 mcqs I had needed to study, and thanks to our previous seniors, we only had this 300 mcqs. If not, there would have been 3000 mcqs that I needed to get through and there wasn't enough time at all. Even 300 mcqs took me a heck of 3 days to get through them and only once. Thus, up till the night before the session, I was still going through the last 50++ of my mcqs. When I had gotten them done, it was already 3.30am session morning. So I decided to do the computer variant that I had, and when I had gotten through them, it was already 5am. I was due in the department at 8.30am which meant I needed to leave at 7am which meant I needed to be up at 6am. So I decided to rerun through my schemes for all the reactions of glycolysis/gluconeogenesis; TAG synthesis/degradation; amino acid synthesis/degradation; and hormone synthesis/functions. There was no way I could've finished all even if I was just running through, and thus, I reached the department jittery but not stressed neither nervous. I had given all the results to God and just wanted to get the session done with and get back home to sleep..

Guess when the lecturers came.. 9.30am.. They had me practically prancing all over the department just waiting for them to arrive. And they took another 30 mins to get the computers up and running. Praise God, at 10am, I rushed past the lecturer in charge of the mcq department and attempted my mcq. Praise God again, I got 90 points which was a good pass. And then I went out to wait for the oral examination to begin. Friends who had gotten avtomats for their biochem (envy them) gave encouragements and offers to help through sms. I immediately denied their help and told them that my motto was not to take out my phone when I'm in the examination hall. I guess I was being "macho", but I really meant every word of it. I knew it was wrong to cheat during exams and I wanted to set an example by not doing it myself. I can now proudly say that I've not cheated during exams since pre-med and God has blessed me so by giving me all 5 for all exams since then.

But I wasn't thanking God when I saw the variant on the examination ticket I picked.. I couldn't do questions 1 and 2 at all. Question 3 was fine though.. It was all I could do to hold the ticket still and go to the place the lecturer designated. Alone in the 2nd room, no invigilator at the moment, a ticket that I couldn't answer.. The temptation to take out my phone was so strong. I reminded myself about what I had told the others before I entered the examination hall and prayed asking God to give me what I deserved depending upon how hard I had studied. Then I attempted my questions.

Question 1 was about some theory and I could remember a similar question about it in the mcqs. So I just wrote what I remembered and hoped for the best. I remembered a scheme about the 2nd question in the textbook, but I couldn't remember the exact points in that scheme since I didn't really have time to go through it well, so I just wrote the scheme down and left the unknown blank. And then I did the 3rd question as best I could, wrote everything down perfectly. I was kinda proud of that 3rd scheme.. Then deciding not to wait any longer since nothing else came to mind, I stood up and asked to be examined orally. I prayed again, handing all to God, then went to the designated teacher.

MP3 was nice.. She didn't even look at my paper, she just told me to tell her about my answer orally while she looked at the hall as if she wanted to catch any cheaters. So I mumbled through my 1st answer, she agreed, sorta, then told her straight to her face that I wasn't very sure about my 2nd answer and requested to do my 3rd answer 1st. She agreed, and I proudly showed her the scheme I had drawn and answered any question she asked. She then agreed with my answer and told me to tell her about my 2nd question. Again, I told her that I wasn't sure about the answer but that I would do my best. And I started telling her about the scheme, about the practical case, about the problem and about the result I would obtain after drug administration. She agreed then asked me about the last part of the question which required pyrimidine synthesis. I was stumped, I could only remember purine synthesis and I told her so..

She told me she would give me a 4 and I quickly told her that I only couldn't remember the pyrimidine part and asked her to ask me any question from any topic and that I would answer it. She thought unwillingly for a long time then asked me about Diabetes Mellitus. I praised God in my heart on the spot. I had been "shot" 4 times in a row in 4 examinations by my own teacher in class about diabetes mellitus and I was sure I could answer any question MP3 would have about it. And sure enough, after MP3 couldn't think of anymore questions, she most unwillingly gave me a 5 for my exam. I went out of the hall praising God and after hugging and thanking my teacher.

After helping a few friends answer biochem questions so they could sms their friends inside the hall, I collapsed on the carpet floor with my bag as a pillow and slept like a rock. The toil of a sleepless night and the stress of the session was too much for me. I slept till the whole session was over at about 3pm and my groupmate called me. We went to the library to return our books and went back home to really sleep it off. Prayer meeting that night was full of testimonies and we had a thanksgiving prayer to God for helping us get through our final session. My 2nd course in MMA as a medical student was finally over. I could now look forward to going home and enjoying my holidays.

God is good, all the time, everlasting.

Why..?? Why!!!!

2009-06-06T01:19:00.000-07:00

They came again..
Those damned horses.
I suppose I should ask God to control my limbic system..
Anyway, this time was scary,
But thank God WanSim woke me up before it could progress any further..

Sigh..
I remember being on a ship,
A ship that was doing trading at a port.
And I had a partner,
Who was helping me with the trading.
Couldn't remember who at that time,
But now I know is Marcus.

Anyway,
Things progressed.
They went well,
We had fun,
And then,
Things changed.
He started to organize a big party excluding me.
He started to bring in some illegal and heavy duty items.
Guns etc.. (At least that was what I saw)
Somehow,
I knew what was going on,
And I didn't like one bit of it.

I talked to him,
Reasoned with him,
But he wouldn't budge,
He wouldn't reveal exactly what he was planning or doing.
So I decided to leave.
Gathered a few of my friends,
Told them about the dangerousness and we left.
But it wasn't easy.
Marcus didn't want to let me in,
But he didn't want to let me out either.
All "non-heroic" personnel involved were my coursemates,
But I can't remember who was who now.
So gun trotting people came after us,
I disarmed them..somehow..
Took a gun for myself,
And begged them to follow me.

Some joined,
Some rejected,
I continued walking.
Then,
The last straw came,
Someone dear to me was snatched away at gun point,
I can't remember who it was,
The face to me now is still blurry,
But I'm sure it was someone dear to me.
Shook me to the core,
I needed to get some answers.
Told the others to get out,
Went looking for Marcus.

Found him at the ship's canteen.
Yelled at him as I entered and he leaped over the food counter and disappeared.
I ran to the food counter,
Hesitated,
Then leaped over it.
At that time,
I was having mixed emotions.
I was angry, confused, mad, scared, worried etc..
But I didn't realize I was dreaming,
It all seemed so real,
I should've known that in real life,
I wouldn't have been able to jump over a food counter,
Neither would I be stronger than Marcus.
Sigh..

So anyway,
I went after him,
Entered the doorway,
Down a flight of stairs,
And into a room full of mirrors.
I remember that it was very bright and white.
And Yow was standing there.
But so were his reflections.
I turned to him,
He didn't respond,
So I continued looking for Marcus.
Walked to the end of the room,
Turned around,
And suddenly,
I just knew that there was a door on my left.
I turned left,
Pulled open the door,
And caught the knife that came stabbing down at me.
We struggled in that lock hold for some time,
Until I started overpowering him.

I began to yell at him,
"Why?"
"Whom?"
"For what purpose?"
"WHY?"
He refused to answer and sorta shrank to the ground as I stared him down.
I shook his hands which I was still holding and roared.
And finally,
He gave the honest answer,
The answer that came out of a face that couldn't be anymore honest.
He said he wanted to follow "Johnny Bravo"-the cartoon.
It made so much sense then,
Now even I didn't know why it made so much sense..

I shook his hand until he dropped the knife and turned to leave.
His next swing caught me by surprise and almost cut me.
And WanSim woke me up because it was so so late in the day..

I really should thank WanSim for not allowing me to see the ending of the dream. Because from past experience, all these nightmares usually end with me suffering. Sigh.. Another day ruined.

Going to drown myself in biochemistry to see if I can forget about this freaking horse.

3-4th June 2009

2009-06-04T04:51:00.000-07:00

3rd to 4th June 2009, the 2nd stage begun. Physiology session for MMA 2nd course students, groups 1-20. I'm in group 8.

On the 2nd of June, Marcus was leading prayer meeting for the night. He shared about how his previous cg leader Eric from M2 prayer over him during the 1st course sessions, and how much God blessed him after that and the peace he felt. So he asked the whole prayer meeting group to pray over us (Vashni, WanSim, Saac, and I). We prayed long and hard, and the peace that came upon us was so great. Marcus even stayed up with Saac and I to help us revise and memorise functional systems and other factual points of Physiology.

On the 3rd of June, we went for our exam. Dearest Marcus (Pushkin Hotspot leader) and Gan (Pushkin Hotspot leader-to-be) woke up specially to send us encouraging messages through sms. And praise God, all of us passed the session, each to his/her own ability that God has blessed us with. I personally was given the *worst* lecturer in the Physiology department (Ionkina) and God helped me pass her with an "excellent". We went for celebratory lunch at "Pizza World" and returned home praising God. I had already exhausted myself greatly for the past 2 days studying and teaching, but for Marcus' and our other friends' sake I forewent my sleep and stayed awake throughout the afternoon and night teaching and revising with the friends in groups 11-20 whose session was on the 4th of June. At night, during prayer meeting, we shared testimonies of how God had helped us and touched us and guided us during our session. We encouraged those who would take the session on the 4th and prayed over them as well. JY and KH attended prayer meeting as well, which was awesome as they were my groupmates who were non believers but experienced God's blessing during the session. The juniors in 1st course who had projects given to them for Physics avtomat had their presentation on the 4th as well, and among them, Charis, was facing some uncertainity problems with her presentation availability. We spoke into their lives and trusted God that He would give onto them as they deserved, no matter who or how their lecturer/examiner would be.

Today, 4th June. I had asked my roommate to wake me up as they left and I had a prayer session for the examinees. Then, still feeling the drawback from the 3 days of unsatisfactory rest, I set the alarm for 9.30am and went back to sleep. I started my exam at 9.30am and thus I assumed the others would too. I wanted to send an encouraging sms to my friends and blockmates as they began their session. At 9.20am, WanSim burst into my room and asked me to explain some Physiology questions to her so she could send the answers to some "needy friends". I explained as best as I could and JY and KH burst into my room a few minutes later with more questions that needed answers. Khaithiry came a while later as well with even more questions. We spent a good half hour answering the questions and then as another half hour passed in silence, we started getting nervous and wondered how our friends were doing. Then praise God, an sms came to me from Andrew, my roommate, saying he had passed with an "excellent". I immediately called him for updates on all the others. Within 10 minutes, all of us in my room were overjoyed and praised God as news about all our friends passing their sessions came through the phone. It was a good blessed day.

But that wasn't all.. Within the hour, I received a sms from Lynn, a junior of mine to tell me that all who went for presentation today received their "avtomats". I praised God for being faithful. And Charis smsed later to inform that all went well and she too received her "avtomat" for Physics.

It was a great God given day.

I'm sure there will be more testimonies tonight at prayer meeting. Just anticipating. And I should expect a very long prayer meeting session tonight.. =]

God is GOOD, ALL the Time.

Finally!! The 1st stage over, 2nd stage..

2009-06-01T05:42:00.000-07:00

Finally!! Today, all zachuts received.
Next will be the sessions for Physiology and Biochemistry.
And then, homeward bound..!

The examination scheme for Russia is as such:
After every class (after every chapter) ==> a test is given.
After every month (after every subtopic) ==> a control is given.
After every 2-3 months (after every topic) ==> a colloquim is given.
After every semester (end of 5 months) ==> a zachut is given.
After collection of zachuts for every single subject ==> a session (final exam) is given.

Obtaining full marks for every single colloquim and zachut for a specific subject enables the student to attempt a project to try to acheive "avtomat" which means exemption from the session with full marks on the report book.

And so, today,
I've finally, painstakingly, acheived my final zachut.
And as the dean placed the stamp on my zachut book,
The stamp which enables me to go for my sessions,
I silently thanked God.
Now, I'm one step closer to my desire to return to Malaysia,
The place I can really call home.

And now,
The 2nd stage begins.
Physiology session on coming Wednesday, 3/6/09
Biochemistry session on coming Monday, 8/6/09
After finishing these two sessions, I can finally start shopping and packing.

God,
Pull me through,
As You have always done,
Of this I ask of You.
Amen.

*Trust in the LORD with all your STRENGTH and lean NOT on your own UNDERSTANDING*

Miss Home..

2009-05-30T01:17:00.001-07:00

I so the very miss home..
Miss Malaysia..
Miss my family..
Miss my bed..
Miss the good food my mom cooks..
Miss the happy times with my family..
Miss the lazy times without worries..
Miss home..

2 more weeks!! Still can't wait!!

God is Good..

2009-05-29T02:50:00.000-07:00

GIG eh? God Is Good.
And He is good all the time.
Don't believe me?
Try Him out for yourself.
Taste and see that the Lord is good.
I mean, even the bible asks you to try Him out..

And He's always there even if you don't want Him to be.
For which I am grateful.
Although, I feel guilty for coming back after saying or doing those stuffs..
But I have to keep telling myself,
That He welcomes His children back with open arms
Just like the prodigal son.
So I mustn't listen to the devil telling me I'm guilty and sinful.
Too impure to even come back to Jesus.

God is good.
All the time.
And I'll be back in Malaysia in 2 weeks time!!

I can't wait!!

Last CG of 2009 in Moscow..

2009-05-26T15:41:00.000-07:00

On the 23/05/2009, we had our last CG meeting of the year. Current CG leader, Bryan decided to have a makan session before the sharing, and there we were, having fun. (",)Look at the food.. *guess it's not really visible..*

Chicken bones even entered my drink..
*they flew through the air and plopped into my cup*

After our eating and sharing, we decided to take some pictures for remembrance. Since this would be the last time we all meet together as a CG. We 2nd years would have to change hostels next sem and the 1st years would probably remain in Pushkin hostel. And thus, we probably wouldn't even be living together next sem.
The photos.. =]

Had fun with my bedmates(soft toys)..
More..
The attendees for the final CG meeting.
*previous CG leader, Andrew Jack Nelson, was MIA(dating)*
Bullied CG leader Bryan.
Bullied CG treasurer Saac.
Just for fun..

And finally,

Our photographer for the night, James Yii.
*He stole our chicken as photography payment*

Backsliding..

2009-05-23T01:35:00.000-07:00

Title says it all.

Damn

Bad Rebound..

2009-05-22T00:11:00.000-07:00

Today is not a good day.
Well, it seems to me that it's not going to be a good day at all.
Woke up late again.
Didn't hear my alarm.
Meaning, everything I planned to do/study for the morning is gone.
I now have to rush to class.
Have to try to study on the way.
I'm a wreck.
A big mess.
Today seems to be going to end up a lousy day.
Sigh, why was today different?
It wasn't supposed to be any different than the others..
Perhaps tomorrow will be better..
Sigh..

21/5/09

2009-05-21T09:29:00.000-07:00

Not a good day.
Not a good day at all.

I woke up late.
Well, later than I'd planned to wake up.
Because I had microbe zachut exam today.
And I needed to do revision.

Since I was program manager for One Life Event in March,
I was the one in charge of the performers,
And I still had to follow up with them if anything came up.
Well,
One of them,
The manager of the group Light-Line,
Alexander Borisov,
Wanted a copy of the event video when it came out.
So I had contacted him about it earlier.
This morning,
His assistant called me and said she wanted the disc today.
And we had such a big problem trying to agree on a time.
She had class,
I had zachut exam.
In the end,
We agreed to meet after her class at 1845 at Barrikatnaya metro.

There went my mood for studying.
But I told myself,
I couldn't be like that,
I needed to finish my revision,
However I was feeling or however little time I had.
So I did my revision,
Had my lunch *alone*
Because my groupmates didn't want to join me,
Then left for class.

And it rained.
It wasn't just normal rain.
It was as big as bullets.
And it was as painful as bullets.
And all I had was my cap.
Thank God He made me wear my cap.
And it was only because so that Nelia could recognise me later.

I reached the microbe department drenched.
Tried to do a little more revision.
Then went to class to take my colloq.
Didn't do well at all.
Almost failed.
I couldn't understand why,
And my teacher didn't allow me to look at the mistakes.
Weird rules.
I couldn't believe myself,
I was so confident,
And yet,
I almost failed.
Pashkov was nice,
He gave me an extra mark so that I got a "good" instead of "pass".
And I had to rush off to meet Nelia.

Got there early.
Well,
5 mins earlier.
And I got a sms,
Nelia was running late,
Asked me if I could wait.
What else could I do?
I said I'd wait,
And she came 30mins later.
I hate waiting without an electronic gaming device.
I really hate waiting.

There..
Today wasn't good.
And I won't be sleeping early tonight either.
Because I need to do my revision.
Or else I'll be really crying by Sunday.
So perhaps a good strong cup of coffee or two,
To increase my lightheadedness,
And drown my sorrows,
And give me a throbbing headache,
And a caffeine overdose.

At least it should be better that alcohol..
I think..

Tomorrow will be a better day..
It always is.
Why should this time be any different?

Stupid..

2009-05-21T00:58:00.003-07:00

My physio lecturer, Pavel Umryukhine, called me stupid.
I'm pissed. But I can't do anything.
Damned..

Confused

2009-05-19T00:35:00.001-07:00

Confusion. I don't know what or how to think. I suppose it's just my imagination..

Sometimes she's a she devil.
Sometimes she's just an angel.
I'll never understand women.

I'll have to leave them to God.
Perk up.
Today is supposed to be a better day.
Amen! (",)

Mood Swings..

2009-05-18T15:10:00.000-07:00

Depressed.

Each time I witness a happy time spent between a couple who are really in love and will stop at nothing to make each other happy and loved, I get depressed.. Not just feel down and lonely, but really depressed..

Celebrated ChiaZhen's birthday today. Witnessed Sharon's love for her "little boy". Going all out to get him a guitar as a present, making him a birthday video, allowing him to hug her and give her a birthday kiss on the forehead, and stopping only at admitting she loved him on camera. Sheesh, I really wish those 2 lovebirds all the best. Seriously speaking, I think my ZhaiZhai is the only one who can have Sharon. Because, if I think about it, I can't handle Sharon. We'd be argueing day and night if she was my girlfriend. So, to ZhaiZhai and Sharon, treasure each other. And Happy Birthday ZhaiZhai.. (",)

Back to me. I'm still depressed. Alyssa asked me if I liked WS. I couldn't answer. Well perhaps I really didn't know how to answer. "No?" "Maybe?" "I don't know?" "Perhaps?" All were unsuitable. Confused was more like it, but I can't be confused for so long. I believe it's developing due to being lonely and depressed after watching happy couples going at it all around me. WS, she's a great friend and a better groupmate. A good girl. Me? I hate myself, most of the time. Well, I do admit I care about her. But then again, I do care about all my friends. I care for each one much the same, and I joke similarly with each one. The one and only time I became really serious about one girl was with C and that one was really obvious that I drew back from all other girls and went for her only. Now no longer.

WS and me? Never. Not in a lifetime. It will never happen. There's no way. And I'm being serious about this.. A great friend to have. But not a girlfriend, and even more not a partner in life. And I'm sure she thinks the same way. Actually, I hope she thinks this way as well..

I need to protect my heart. It has been broken way too many times already. And I really can't take another break. Perhaps a wall around it might sufice.. I really don't know.

Depressed.
Really really depressed.
Goodnight world.
Tomorrow will be better.
God, please. Help me fully utilize tomorrow and make it a better day.
I trust You.
Goodnight Lord.

Sunday Service 17/5/09

2009-05-18T06:47:00.000-07:00

Friend of Sinners.

Guess who we're talking about? Why of course, Jesus. Our beloved Lord and Savior. The only one who would be a friend of those who do wrong in the eyes of the "righteous"..

Matthew 9:9-11
It talks about the calling of Matthew.

Why did God chose Matthew?
I don't know.
Neither did Pastor Terrance Hall, our pastor for the day.
We would never know what went through Jesus' mind that day.
But one question it brings up:
Why did God chose us?
We will never know why God chose us.
But one thing is for sure, thank God He chose us.
Now we have the opportunity to be saved..

And Matthew got up and followed Him.
So the bible says.
Now imagine,
Matthew is what we would call, "a Roman dog"
And no one would ever respect nor take him as a friend.
Except perhaps the government officials for whom he was working for..

So, why did Matthew walk away from his responsibility?
Why did he ever walk away from what he knows best?
His most familar things?
Why did Matthew choose to follow Christ?
I don't know.
Neither did Pastor Terrance Hall, our pastor for the day.
We would never know what went through Matthew's mind that day.
But one question it brings up:
Why did we choose to follow Christ?
We didn't hear a voice calling us, but we chose to follow God.
Anyhow, thank God we chose to follow Him,
For now, we have the gift of salvation.

Now, between verses 9 and 10,
Where Matthew invited Jesus to dinner,
And the actual dinner itself,
It took possibly about 8 hours.
"Why?", you may ask.
Imagine,
The middle of the day,
Nothing prepared.
And suddenly Matthew appears,
Yells at his servants to go buy veggies, wine, and slaughter a calf.
Then they have to chop, slice, cook, garnish, serve..
And the main point is, what was Jesus doing in this 8 hours?
Imagine, Matthew's house,
The living room, past the kitchen where servants are running frantically around,
Matthew sits, Jesus with him,
And obviously, some of Matthew's closes friends,
Who most likely are tax collectors like him,
Roman dogs whom their own people shunted.
And Jesus would be talking,
Everyone would be listening,
Someone would ask a question,
Jesus would explain, teach, answer.
And that person would feel so unburdened and grateful.

What was Jesus doing?
He was doing what we nowadays neglect to do when sharing/evangelizing..
He was becoming their friend.
Their FRIEND!
A friend of sinners.
That He was.

Imagine the Pharisees peeking through the shutters into Matthew's living room.
And then gossiping among themselves.
A disciple walks out for some fresh air and they grab him,
Throwing questions at him.
They couldn't criticize the conversation,
They couldn't blame the food,
They couldn't ask about why they weren't invited.
All they could blabber about was,
"Why does Jesus eat with sinners?"
That was all they had to shoot with and they didn't do a good job either..

And imagine Jesus was sitting near the window and overhears.
He turns, waves them in and offers them a drink,
Which they most reluctantly refuse (although extremely thirsty)
Of course, Jerusalem, so near the desert, would have been so hot and dry..
Then Jesus gives them a riddle,
They, who spend almost their entire lives studying and pouring over the old testament,
They, who spend almost all their time debating old laws,
Are now asked to ponder the answer to this riddle,
And if they could understand the riddle, they'd understand why Jesus was doing as such.
And Jesus gives them Hosea 6:6
"For I desire mercy, not sacrifice,
And acknowledgment of God rather than burnt offerings."

They who spend their entire lives discussing what to kill and burn next,
Would never understand why God didn't want burnt offerings.
They would never want to understand such things..

Jesus had 2 purposes for being here.
1, To please the One who sent Him.
2, To seek and save the lost.

And later in the evening, or perhaps night,
As Jesus gathers His disciples together,
I assume Matthew among them,
As seen in verse 37,
He begins to explain to them,
"The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few,
Pray to the Father to send more workers."
3 facts and 1 command He leaves with us:
1, The harvest is coming.
2, It will be plentiful.
3, But workers are few.
And He commands us to pray and ask the Father to send more workers.

Amen.

God Speaking..

2009-05-17T04:06:00.000-07:00

The Word of the Lord came to me this morning as I was walking to the bus stop to go to church.

Due to an unforeseen chain of circumstances, I was walking with Marcus and WS. I remembered back what I said last night about avoiding her for some time. But there I was, walking alongside her.

So I put on my earphones and listened to the Love Story (Taylor Swift) meets Viva La Vida (Coldplay)-Piano Cello by John Schmidt song which I had downloaded into my phone last night. And that was when His Word came to me.

"Aaron, I will not allow you to avoid people like you used to do with C. It shows the problem and creates questions. Neither then, will I provide opportunities for you to avoid her. But, I have given you whatever you need to overcome your problem. You have Me in your heart and you have My Teachings. Furthermore, since you'd get so troubled and so moody, I have given you the song to calm you down. So do your best. I'm cheering you on. You can do it. Because you're My son."

And as I listened to the piano and cello playing, I was reminded of how I calmed down yesterday night and I felt so much better. I'm sure today will be a great day. (",)

*btw, I ended up sitting next to WS in church and going back home alone with her after church..*
*God has a great sense of humor..*
*no thanks for that..*

Mixed Feeling..

2009-05-16T13:17:00.000-07:00

I just got back from an hour of low voice karaoke in a groupmate's room with my groupmates.. And I felt a little confused and down inside after watching a friend of mine start having a hard time because the songs we sang reminded her of an old hurt she had tried to put behind her. My mood got a little disturbed and I opened my blog to write about it. I'm not sure why it happened to me but it happened and well, I'm a little disturbed and down now. But that was before my blog loaded.

While waiting for my blog to load, I visited my great pal, friend and brother MingWei's blog. He had posted a song entitled Love Story (Taylor Swift) meets Viva La Vida (Coldplay)-Piano Cello by John Schmidt which was taken from YouTube. I wasn't thinking straight and just clicked on the video to play it while waiting for my blog to load. And that song. It's AWESOME.. Put me down straightaway. Was like a great tranquilizer. Made me feel much better. Anyone, just search for it on YouTube and listen to it.

Wow.. Thanks bro for that song. Put me back on the right track. I really don't know why I would be so much affected by WS. It just doesn't seem logical. We have nothing in common other than she being my groupmate. Darn. I need to get focused. Perhaps like just totally ignore her for a long period of time. And yet, I'm extremely curious as to know what she's been through and what she's going through now. It might probably be the death of me.. Do I care..?

When I overheard her mention that she might probably be ready for a relationship. I had mixed feelings as well. Too many people have lied or cheated me already. And I don't know who/what to believe anymore. Sigh. Don't think. Don't act. Don't bother. Sleep. Or rather, I just can't wait to get home to all my old pals and family. Sigh, time flies, and yet, it creeps.. I hate this.

Anyway, search
"Love Story (Taylor Swift) meets Viva La Vida (Coldplay) - Piano Cello by John Schmidt"
in YouTube and have a listen. It's AWESOME..

And I have to avoid WS for some time. Perhaps not seeing her the whole day tomorrow might do the trick. And a good night's sleep will help.
*damned horses visited me again for the 1 1/2 hour that I tried to rest earlier this afternoon..*

Relief

2009-05-15T12:58:00.000-07:00

Last night
They didn't come
Those hated horses
Them female ones
Thought to be black in color
The color of night

I had such a peaceful sleep last night
Woken only by the hourly alarms I set
Because I didn't have dreams
I decided to sleep longer
And sleep longer
And sleep more
And was woken up to confirm whether or not russian class was still on
And it wasn't

Went to Spartiv hostel for combined fellowship in the evening
Actually
Us from pushkin hostel didn't know it was combined fellowship
Our boss
Marcus
Told us Pastor Sergei from Word of Life church was coming
Asked us to attend the "meeting"
We went
All prepared to have a night's lecture on evangelism
And instead
We had a fellowship
Nice surprise
But if I had a choice
I would've stayed home
Studied

Anyway
I really hope tonight will be peaceful too
O Lord
Protect me
Cover me with your hands
And I beseech Thee
Forget my past transgressions
So I can come back to you
Amen

Again..

2009-05-14T12:34:00.000-07:00

And them horses came again last night.

I was dressed up like a maniac
Running alongside planes as they filled up with passengers
And I came to this one plane which had just finished loading
I jumped up to the door
Demanded they let me in
They did

I went in
Found a place in 4th row
Sat down
Noticed Steven Lee in 2nd row
Recognized a few others in 1st and 3rd row too
But their faces are blurry now
I knew them
But I can't remember who now
And I noticed above the first 3 rows was a glass ceiling
And there weren't any compartments
Only rows of seats
Alyssa was in 5th row left column
My place was 4th row mid column

The plane took off
Steven laughed at me
Made me angry
Decided to play him
Not sure why but suddenly understood that the ceiling
It could open
And the first 3 rows were built to be able to fly out like a helicopter
Found that button and pressed it
Canopy opened
3 rows shielded
They flew out
Steven had the controls
He seemed to be having a good time

I started a disco session in the empty space left behind
Everyone joined
Jumping around
Laughing
Steven saw
Decided to ruin our fun
Started to land
We had to clear the space
And suddenly
We had crash landed
I don't know what happened then..

My family was with me
I clearly remember my mom
Airport staff told us we had to shift to another airport
To take another plane
Family in the car with some luggages
Me behind with a box whose lid keeps coming off
3 others behind me
We were on foot

Car started
I followed
I ran and ran
Suddenly the car speeded up
Disappeared ahead
I ran faster
Ran and ran
Those behind me fell behind
Disappeared
I was alone
I didn't know how to find them
Foreign place
Wrong time
I knew I was dreaming again..

Made myself find a good ending
Sure enough
Soon came to a large building
Had a plane there
Seemed chinese
I entered

The front few rows were filling up
The back few rows were very empty
Except for a few seats here and there
Filled with people I knew
But I can't place them now
And I noticed Alyssa in left column
But with an empty seat beside her

I walked past
Found the end of the plane
Walked back
Sat beside her
Asked her what she was doing here
She said she didn't know
Neither did I
Suddenly remembered my luggages
And my mom appeared

I asked about my luggage
She said she knew nothing about it
Seems she was behind me
Saw the car speed off
I asked about some pipes
Not sure why
But they were very precious to me
Mom recollected that road security took my pipes
They used it as road blocks
After we passed
They kept it
After she said that
I remembered it myself
Strange that I'd never seen the airport gates before..

Suddenly I was back there
At the old airport gates
The car was there
With the luggages
Mom was there
She knew
We got out of the car
Saw the pipes
Mom said they probably wouldn't let me take them
I yelled "f***" and ran towards them
We grabbed the pipes
Stuffed them back in the car
I wondered why mom didn't scold me for using bad words..

And I woke up
Not sweating this time
But still aching all over
And feeling very tired

Wish this would stop..
I felt as if I had been running the entire night..

Damn female horses..

2009-05-13T07:26:00.000-07:00

They visited me again
Those damn female horses
Who comes at night
And disturbs people's sleep..

I'm not feeling well
Probably due to the pollen increase
But been getting short bouts of colds
Hate colds
Makes me weak
Really really weak
Took a nap
Slept 3 hrs
And was running around
Non stop
Damn female horses..

This time
I was walking with my family
Mom, dad, sis, bro
And I seem to remember a friend of mine as well
We entered a desolate place
The people there were unfriendly
They looked unwelcome
I didn't know why I was there
But somehow I knew that the answer would come soon
I looked around

Turned a few corners
Entered a few doors
Thin wasps of smoke/mist swirled the area
And I entered a cafeteria
People were eating
People were staring
And those whom we met earlier had followed us
No longer unfriendly
No longer unwelcome
They seemed happy where we were going
They had joyful gleams in their eyes
Things didn't look good to me
I looked around

Some were eating
They seemed normal people
But the meat they were eating seemed unproportionally large
Looked like boiled chicken
But seemed too large to be chicken
They stared hungrily at us
And it hit me with a bang
This was a place for cannibals
They would place all the cannibals locked in this place
So they would eat themselves one by one
Until the cannibalism would end
I don't know why I thought like that
But I believed that to be the answer
I knew I was dreaming
But I somehow knew I was in that place for a purpose
The purpose would come soon
I looked around

We entered the kitchen
Or it was a place I felt was the kitchen
I recognized the place
Yet it didn't seem familar
Thinking back
I've never been there before
But I knew it was the kitchen
Everyone was outside the door
They were whispering away
One tried to stop us from entering
Another pulled her back
And told her albeit a little too loudly
That we were their meal for tonight
I glared at them

They saw my glare
Their voices rose
"He knows!"
The shout rose
"Get them now!"
I ran backwards to my family
Saw a bundle of knives
Kitchen knives
And suddenly I knew
We came to exterminate them before they died out
And they were only normal humans
Not zombies of some kind
I could kill them
I know I could
It was my dream anyway

"Throw me a knife!"
I shouted
Dad reacted
A knife came flying
I caught it and ran to the doorway
Just as the first person stepped through
A fat girl
So ugly
But seemed so familar
As if I'd seen her before
I didn't care
I had a knife
This was hell
I could do collateral damage
No one would blame me
I attacked

Somehow
With every slash at her
My knife would miss
But I would feel her knife cut my hands
And my hands were numb
I was certain I was in my dream world
I knew I could turn it into my favor
I ran into her
Plunged my knife into her abdomen
It wouldn't penetrate
How could it not?
How!

I raised my knife higher
My anger boiling
How could logic fail me now?
These are normal humans
My knife felt normal
But why couldn't I hurt them
It was my dream anyhow
I could control the outcome
I didn't know where my family and my friend went
But I was sure they were still behind me
Because the kitchen had only 1 exit
And I was standing in front of it

I stabbed
Telling my mind to take control of the dream
I knew I could kill
I could turn the place into a slaughter house
And I woke up
Sweating
Aching

I groaned
There goes the "happy" ending a planned for myself
There goes the time I spent to get some rest
Wasted
Gone
No more
I could've cried..

The only good thing was my cold had stopped..

Damn female horses
Who comes at night
And disturbs people's sleep
Damn night-mares.

Fall..

2009-05-12T15:38:00.003-07:00

By fall, I do not mean autumn nor the action of falling down and injuring one's pride and physical body. By fall I mean the fall that one takes emotionally by certain things that happen during the day which saps one's energy and mood and all happiness from one's life.

Hay fever is starting. Pollen count rising steeply. Dandelions blossoming everywhere. You can see the small while "umbrellas" floating wherever you look.

Random April (or May) showers occuring every few days. These showers are hot when the sun is out and freezing cold when cloudy. Got caught in one today. Wasn't pleasant and didn't do anything to wash away my black mood.

Teachers are being stressed out by the increasing number of students trying to catch up with their pending examinations or oral tests so they can take their finals coming within the next 2 weeks. So since their stress levels increase, they give us hell. And it rises exponentially..

Hate liars. Or rather, hate lazy lecturers who lie just to get students to attend their boring and "waste of time" classes. Wasted an entire morning when I could be resting or studying just to attend surgical care in which all we did was to copy some notes. Wish I had the other lecturer who performed a major surgery for his group to observe.

Hate being alone. Wish I was ready to have a girlfriend or betrothed who could lift me up when I was down.

Hate it when things don't go my way. God, I'm talking to you about this one. Whatever happened to the times when I could ask and receive? Am I now not able to receive blessing or help?

Finals are coming in a week's time. I'm not fully prepared. Orals, mcqs, written tests all crammed one after another. Some clashing, some to be taken on same days. Time is of the essence.

Body not functioning well. Getting frequent colds. Went looking for Clarinase this morning. Helped some. Hope I don't get a cold on the day I'm to fly back. Don't want to be quarantined in KLIA just because I have hints of sinus and a slight increase in temperature..

Understand why I fall today?
I kept a black mood today.
Celebrating ZhiHao's birthday, they messed up my bathroom with cream.
Spent an hour cleaning up the bathroom.
Spent another hour washing my clothes.
Wasted another hour trashing dirtied rug.
Wasted half an hour nursing my dried, torn, wrinkled and hurting hands.

Cried on the bus on my way home from class.
Suddenly recalled my past experience with C.
Berrated myself and regretted the things I did wrong.
The breakup was my fault.
The things I did only increased the distance between us.
Now I can see.
But to cry now is useless, nothing.
The past is the past and will never come back.
Bygones are bygones.
I wish..

Today wasn't a good day.
I fell.
And I fell hard.
Black clouds covered my sky.
A night's sleep should help temporarily.
Goodnight.
Damned..

PS. The female horses visited me last night again. I keep dreaming about stupid things. But they are so clear. Even now, I can recall the stress, fright, furiousness, and running I did. Why do I dream? And more importantly, why do I dream about her? It's not fair. I tell myself to ignore, to forget. Subconsciously? Damned..

Strangulation.

2009-05-06T14:50:00.000-07:00

Strangulation. Tightening of one's airway until one is unable to draw air into one's lungs and thus will soon die of asphyxation.

I took a nap this afternoon and as usual placed my dog, Charis, on my chest while sleeping. But this time, something unusual happened. I was having an eventful, light sleep and was drifting in and out of consciousness. Drifting into consciousness meant I could hear and comprehend what was going on in the room, but I couldn't move my muscles at all. They felt as if they hadn't been used in ages and were so heavy. But that was normal.

Then, suddenly, at one of the times when I was drifting into consciousness, I felt my right arm being pushed over my chest. Then, the furriness of Charis' paw was felt on my neck. And there was a really heavy weight pressing down on my chest and neck. I couldn't breath for a long moment. It felt as if my soft toy dog, Charis, was holding my arm and pressing against my throat, trying to strangle me.

At that moment, I was struggling to breathe, I was struggling to move my arms and push Charis away, I was sending command after command to my muscles to kick, punch, move, anything..! But to no avail. That moment lasted like 10mins to me, but I don't know how long it really was. Then slowly, my leg began to move. I began to focus more on my leg, willing it to move, and praise God, it kicked. I kicked a few more times to awaken myself up and shifted my body. The weight upon my chest and neck diminished as I woke up..

I lifted Charis of my chest and lay back breathing deeply for awhile. At first I started to slowly drift back off to sleep. Then it suddenly entered my mind, the possibility that there could be unseen forces at work, using Charis to strangle me. Perhaps it was a warning, perhaps it was me being too tired, perhaps I shouldn't place things on my chest while sleeping. But I cannot neglect the possibility of supernatural forces at work. There have been sightings of a supernatural being on the 7th floor, and while we prayed for the 7th floor, it seems to have disappeared. But reports of main doors opening and yet nobody being there are turning up on the 14th floor. If whatever that thing is has come up to the 14th floor, we may yet need to organize another prayer specifically for the 14th floor.

This is my 2nd time experiencing such things. My first time was my arm lying over my neck and I was strangling myself. I hope this just passes as something trivial. If Charis tries to strangle me again tonight, I will have to bring up this matter in prayer meeting, however weird or improbable it may seem.

Sigh. I don't want to have to deal with supernatural stuff yet. =[

Summer..!

2009-05-06T11:15:00.001-07:00

Spring is here! Or perhaps Summer, that I do not know. But I suppose it doesn't really matter. Well, the weather is so good that for the past 2 days us Pushkin-ers are going down to the park in the hostel compound and having fun playing all sorts of sports. I basketball, football, badminton, rollerblade, jog and skip rope. Today we skipped because all our muscles are sore from all the sudden exertion after such a long period of not having sports due to winter.

Anyway, summer, or rather spring is the time said for love to be in the air. Love is in the air eh? I can see that happening like wildfire in my hostel. People are seen together. I wonder if reproduction is being practiced as well.. =] That's a joke. I'm sure medical students know better than to obtain young in the course of growing up.

As for me. I'm going to be up quite late tonight to do some homework and revision since I've been lazy the past few days.. Sheesh, I now have mixed feelings. I want company "girlfriend" but yet I'm glad that I'm not attached now since there are certain things that are more fun to be doing without someone to have to look out for. A girlfriend would scold me when I play computer, go to the video arcade, skip lectures and tease other girls.. But yet a girlfriend would be there when times are hard, she would be a comforter, someone who could support me along in my life.

So, I'm keeping myself out of the Spring Love effect this year and see what happens, although it's not easy. Sigh..

Empowerment.
I so need it.

Finally..

2009-05-04T05:47:00.001-07:00

Finally.. Biochemistry is over. At least for the time being. I can sit back and relax for awhile even though it didn't turn out the way I wanted it to be.

Sleep.. Is long awaiting me. Finally, solitude and bliss, in a world of my own..

Sick..

2009-05-03T11:07:00.000-07:00

I have had some sleep.. But I overslept. And oversleeping takes it's toll because of the change in plans and having to revise everything. Goodness. I probably won't be sleeping tonight already..

Sigh..

And i'm not feeling well. Back burn from the stomach is hounding me. There's a constant heaty, burning feeling remaining in my throat, coming from my stomach..

Sigh..

I need to get well, and get over myself and get a grip on my work so that I don't develop the already developing fear towards biochemistry.

I also need to get out of scandalon.. Sigh.. Am I able to forgive? Will I be able to accept the forgiveness? I don't know..

Tiredness..

2009-05-03T04:39:00.000-07:00

When it comes to being tired after a long hard day, I'm the first to drop. But when I get back to the comfort of my room and my computer. I tend to remain in front of my computer for a rather long period of time. Which reduces greatly the time I could have used to rest. Today, I have no choice. Sleep is first on my list. I will have a very long day tomorrow and I'll need tonight to prepare for it. Not resting now is not an option.

ZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZz..
I just pray that the female horses that usually come out at night don't pay me a visit.
If they do, it'll have been a wasted sleep..

Sleep..

2009-05-02T04:18:00.000-07:00

I really have no self control over myself.. When I sleep, if there's no alarm or if no one comes to call me up, I can sleep for extremely long hours..

Waking up at 3pm is really depressing. Whatever has happened to my entire day? Tonight will be busy. The plans I had for the afternoon now need revising. The morning work still needs to be done. I don't have the time now.

This is bad. Either I'm so going to freak out now, later and tonight, or I'm going to just give up and chill around.. No motivation to do anything now, since just got up..

Will God help me..?

Today

2009-04-30T08:26:00.001-07:00

Today is a better day. Well, at least it started off pretty smoothly. Now I'm trying my best to not blow up at anymore people. I also have to keep telling myself to stop thinking about WS. She drives me crazy in the most unexpected ways. I am not trying to get myself hooked. I'm here to study. She's learning to be Godly, I'm not here to pollute her.

Aaron! Don't pay so much heed to whatever she says or does. She's just another friend. Another good friend.

And don't blow up..!
Don't!!

Bad Times, Depressing Moments.

2009-04-29T15:18:00.000-07:00

I just realised that when nice interesting stuff happens, I can't find the mood nor motivation to put it up here. But when something bad or depressing happens, I pull up this window and start typing. It's just human nature I guess.

So, obviously, I'm now depressed.

But, as always, I'll just sleep it off.

Tomorrow will be a better day.

Why?

2009-04-26T04:21:00.001-07:00

I'm a little down right now..
I don't know why, but most sundays I come back to the hostel alone and feeling depressed..
I'm not too sure about the cause, not too sure about the reason..
But I suppose it's probably because I feel lonely.
I used to dream of going to church with a loved one and coming home with her..
We would have each other as company and God in the middle.
When I was going after someone I thought was the one, I dreamed of this.
Turns out it wasn't meant to be, perhaps not yet.
And here I am, ending up with a lonely phase in life which (of course) will pass.
Perhaps a good sleep and a decision to sit down and slough the whole night might make me feel better.
O Lord, please make me feel better tonight, enough to be able to lead prayer meeting..
I don't want to bring anyone down because of what I individually am feeling.
I'm a little down right now..
The song "YeQu" by JayChou best describes my feeling.
Get a translation and listen to the song, gives you some understanding of when you don't have a loved one beside you.
I'm a little down right now..
But I'll be better.
I always do.
Why should today be any different......

Peace out.

The Stages Of Studies.

2009-04-25T21:35:00.000-07:00

The stage of Enthusiasm.
You receive the lesson materials for preparation.

The stage of Motivation.
You begin studying and learning. The materials seems new and interesting.

The stage of Laziness/Business.
The exam seems so far away. There's still time left for later. Things come up. They seem more important than the study materials whose deadline is so much farther away.

The stage of Stress.
Suddenly, exam is just around the corner. You don't know a single thing. Stress factors kick in. More often than not, accompanied with Running Back To God..

The stage of Resignation.
You resign to your fate. Exam is tomorrow and you realise that however much you push and stuff, nothing is going into your brain anymore. Saturation is at it's maximum. No more motivation left to study. Gone too is the stress and increased heart rate. You give up (in a way). Usually accompanied with complaints that there wasn't enough time and excuses such as "I'm leaving all to God" *bull, I say*

The stage of Heightened Senses.
Minutes before the exam itself, you're hurriedly discussing all possible points everyone can think of or trying to memorize all notes that might come out. Praying fervently to God so that everything studied comes out and everything skipped stays out of the exam.

The stage of Resolution.
After the exam, regardless of the result, you resolve to work harder for the next exam so as not to repeat the cycle. You make plans, draw schemes and feel good about yourself.

The cycle repeats itself the very next day and begins with The stage of Enthusiasm again.
Me? I'm currently at the stage of Resignation. I know for sure that I won't pass tomorrow's colloq since I still have some pending exams. But I'm sort of giving up on biochemistry. The subject is enjoyable if I wasn't so far behind and didn't have so much writing and copying to do. Sheesh. I'm preparing for the colloq and enjoying it even though I know for sure I won't be able to take the colloq tomorrow. Anyway, whatever. I don't care anymore.

PS. Mom, if you read this later, please know that I am serving as guitarist in church today and will be much exhausted in the afternoon since I was up discussing biochemistry with my groupmates yesterday night. I think I would need sleep this afternoon so that I can regenerate some energy that will keep me up tonight studying as well. Perhaps we could postpone our chat until monday afternoon when I'm done with some of the pending exams and before I have to prepare to give Physiology tuition at night.

God bless everyone but me.. *Sweat*

Life!

2009-04-24T09:33:00.000-07:00

Life!

Trying my best to live ONE freakin Second at a Time..

At times like this, time passes way too slowly. And yet, time flies as well.. Jeez.. Life is so irregular and uneven..

Games

2009-04-22T22:50:00.000-07:00

Crap.. I have a problem with the computer. I get on it, and I can't get off it. More self discipline needed. More motivation to study needed as well. Oh well, I decided not to touch any games in this past few days..

Will I get the motivation to study?

Only time will tell..

Wish me luck..

Studying..

2009-04-22T14:37:00.000-07:00

I just realised that I feel like I have some purpose for my life and most satisfied whenever I study. But I just can't find the motivation to sit down. Though, when I do finally sit down, I find I end up satisfied and happy with my life. Like I'm finally doing something useful with my life.

Lousy day.. Better ending. Hope tomorrow brings greater day.

I want to feel wanted, not left out, not an outcast. I'm sure everyone wants to feel this way.

O Lord, prepare me heart. You have said, "It's not good for man to be alone". But You have also said, "I will not give you more than you can handle". So Lord, since my heart is weak, prepare me to be able to support a partner then provide me with the perfect one. Amen.

Goodnight Lord.

I'm FREAKING Out!!

2009-04-21T17:15:00.000-07:00

I'm FREAKING Out!!

A time in life where that stupid loneliness feeling hits me again..!!

Damned.. Why won't it ever go away and stay away..? WHY!!??!!??

Help!

2009-04-11T11:57:00.001-07:00

Help!

That's all I can say now..

Help!

I'll need all the help I can get. My only consolation is that I don't like her and God is with me. I also have my caring and helpful roommates.

Oh Lord, I hate trials. Either I barely pull through or I fail and have to be rescued.

Lord, I need strength.

Jesus, I need love.

Holy Spirit, I need guidance.

Please..

Help..!!

Killer!!

2009-04-09T23:05:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, 9/04/09 Thursday, I watched 2 chicken embryos writhe and die as we opened their 1 week old egg shells and poured the contents on a petri dish. It was for studying virus culturing in Microbiology class.

Omgoodness.. The tiny unformed embryo, that looked just like a 3 week old human embryo, had large black eyes that couldn't blink because there weren't any eye lids, small stubs where the wings and legs were supposed to be gave occasional spasms. We could even observe the heart beating occasionally. It died about 5 mins after exposure and the yolk sac broken.

I was told to pour the ounce of flesh and building materials into a jar of strong detergent to make sure all living cells are killed/destroyed/broken down. There were 6 classes going on, if each class had 2 embryonated eggs, that would be 12 chicks killed. Oh wow..

I'll place the video up here after editing..

*I actually felt a little pity for the little embryo. Guess I need to toughen myself up a bit. I can't be a researcher nor a doctor if I feel over experimental subjects*

Another poem

2009-04-03T12:25:00.001-07:00

I was going to Russian class this morning and while leaving the hostel, this came to me again. I wonder if I should quit medicine and take up a career in poem composing..

It's weird how sometimes a small unexpected little thing can ruin your entire day..
I came down the lift
Unexpectedly met 2 friends
Of whom would usually say hi and was really really friendly
But this time when I mumbled hi
I only got 1 reply
And that was from her friend standing next to her
They walked into the life and disappeared
And I was left on the 1st floor wondering away

Did anything happen that I was unaware of?
Did something happen that really made a gap?

And I exited my hostel
And the wind was howling again
And there were small flakes of snow
Just swirling with the wind
Some landed on my face
Some landed on my hands
And while they melted
They froze my hands and face

It's cold
I'm alone once again
The bus stop seems so far away
But class wasn't canceled
I still had to go
No matter how much I wanted to skip
Even if it was only Russian

I knew my day was ruined
All because she didn't say hi
All because of a small unexpected little thing
I knew my day was ruined..

A Poem..

2009-04-02T12:58:00.000-07:00

I was walking to the bus stop this morning to wait for the bus to get to class when it suddenly came to me.. Share it with you. Also, sorry for not updating, life has been a little on the down side for me lately..

It's cold
The wind is blowing
The snow is falling
Although it's early April
The road is grey
Wet with melting snow
And murky puddles of ice cold water

Little bits of green pokes out of the ground
But still surrounded by great patches of grey blackish snow
It's late spring
But is seems like winter has just begun
I'm alone

I walk alone
I stand alone
On this cold dreary road
On my way to the bus stop
On my way to class

It's cold
The wind buffets my face
I have no feeling on my nose nor ears
My eyes are partially closed
Afraid the swirling snow would enter them

Time is passing
Life is flying
People are moving
Cars speed by me
Uncaring as they ferry their passengers to their destination

I walk alone
The cold enters my head
I recalled
It came back to me
That which I had tried so hard to hide
That which I had thought had successfully put away
That I had thought I had finally left behind

It came to me
I was thinking
Someone I admired
Someone I looked up to
Someone who stayed next to me
Someone named Marcus

But together with it
Together with that thought
It came to me
That he might have actually liked her too

I silently wished them all the best
I wanted to feel happy for them
But that was only for a short while
Memories flooded back to me
Memories which were supposed to be pleasant, meaningful
Came back to haunt me, disturb me

No!
I must not think like that
I must not harbour thoughts like that
She can go with whoever she likes
Whoever is meant for her
He can go with whoever he likes
Whoever is meant for him

I have to walk my path
Be it alone or with company
And mercifully
The bus came
Warmth
Safety from the wind
Comfort
I went to class

I went to class..

The best day in my life (currently)..

2009-03-24T16:07:00.000-07:00

24th March 2009. I'll remember this day and the 23rd for quite a long time. Let me tell my story.

I remember sharing with quite a number of people on Saturday the 21st of March 2009 that I had biochemistry colloq coming up on Monday the 23rd of March. And that I only knew 30% of what I was supposed to know.

And I remember not sharing with most people (only my groupmates know) that I had more than the colloq to prepare for on Monday. Due to being sick on the 2nd class and not attending it; and due to the numerous holidays on Mondays; as well as the One Life Event, I was waay behind my class mini colloq schedule and waay behind my groupmates in my studies. For those who don't know, my new biochemistry teacher gives mini colloq after every class. And those who do not pass those mini colloqs are deemed unknowledgeable and are unable to take colloquims. And so, Chapter 7, Lipid Metabolism, had 5 lessons. And I was only at lesson 3.

That meant, I had to take the mcq exam for lesson 3, lesson 4, lesson 5, colloq, and lipid pathways. Then, I had to take the written and oral exam for lesson 4 before I was legible to attempt the colloq written and oral. Any coursemate of mine would agree with me that it was impossible, considering also the fact that we had other colloqs to prepare for at the same time.

So, on Saturday, I drank 3 cups of coffee "kao", even though I knew my caffeine tolerance had dropped way below zero. I somehow, perhaps due to the stress that was building up in me, I just took the coffee, even though from recent experience, I knew I would become very very sick. And lo, I fell sick. Mind you, I wasn't biologically sick (bacteria, virus induced immune reaction and inflammation) but I became extremely sick physiologically (nervous system, digestive system and smooth muscle system affected). After studying physiology and biochemistry, I can tell you that for most body functions to be initiated, the cells must produce a substance called "cAMP'. This "cAMP" must then be destroyed by "phosphodiesterase" in the cell membrane so that the functions can cease, allowing the body to rest and regain energy. Caffeine, inhibits "phosphodiesterase", thus, disallowing the cells to rest. That's why, within an individual's tolerance level, caffeine keeps the body active, allowing the individual to keep working for an extended period of time. But above tolerance level stresses out the body and is accompanied by reactions such as discomfortness in the abdomen and heart areas; and huge headaches. And due to lack of sleep, the eyes become dry and painful to keep open. And at this period of time, the individual will find it very hard to sleep as the body is unable to relax.

There, a science student's blog.. Sorry to bore you readers. But I wanted you all to understand exactly what I felt and went through after MF on saturday night. And then I sat down and began to run through lessons 4 and 5. It was like an express bullet train. I didn't sleep for almost the whole night. And by 5.30am sunday morning, I had managed to finish my note and scheme taking for both lessons. ChiaZhen accompanied me for awhile around 2-3am since he accidentally drank some of that same coffee too. Well, at 5.30am, I went back to my room to rest awhile. At that time, my head was heavy, my eyes hurting, and I had a very big discomfort in my abdomen (without pain). My heart rate was increases and blood pressure throbbing against my temples. I had already gave Marcus the responsibility to drag me to church no matter what and so I decided to try to get as much sleep as I could.

Lying down was as uncomfortable as being awake. With a body that couldn't rest nor relax, I couldn't fall asleep at all even though I was super tired. I tossed and turned and finally piled my "family" around me and fell into a light unrested sleep. My family you ask? My 3 dolphins, 2 dogs, 1 killer whale, 1 cow and 1 zebra/giraffe mix. When my roommate Andrew got up to prepare for church, he woke me up unintentionally too. And that was it, gone, I couldn't sleep anymore. So I prepared for church, and at 9am, left my hostel. Met Amy in the metro and we went to church together.

In church, I was thinking of resting in the house of the Lord. I even told and agreed with Marcus about getting rest in God's presence. But He kept me awake. He kept me through the service and the sermon and gave me 2 tight slaps, reminding me about His presence and His promise that His kindness, peace and mercy will never depart from me. Remember my last post, the one asking for God to help me and remind me constantly of His love and mercy and blessing? Well, His answer came on sunday and He kept me awake to hear it. And I finally raised my hand during the time for prayer and had Marcus and Amy pray for me. It was so wonderful to have family and my "big boss" pray for me. And immediately after the prayer, my headache and stomach discomfort eased greatly. Praise God. That was really refreshing.

Then, after church, I collected my assigned One Life Event pledged money, attended a musician's meeting and rushed home alone. And my groupmates, bless them, especially WanSim, dragged me to attend their biochem variant discussion. When she first asked me to join them, I was skeptical. I knew I wouldn't understand anything from lesson 4 and 5 and I didn't want to hold them back. But they didn't take no for an answer and I was forcefully dragged to join with the group discussion. Bless their souls, that really helps lots in my preparation. As I listened to their discussions, all the pieces of information I took in on sunday morning started to make sense and I could remember them more easily. And they discussed special points that I never noticed from the textbook and drilled me till I could remember the points as well as them.

I collapsed into bed around 6pm while my roommates cooked dinner. And I was woken up for prayer meeting. Took my dinner after prayer meeting, "kepo" a bit with the first years, then went back to the study room to continue my revision. Then, around 2am, I went back to my room to revise my mcqs. I was given a program similar to the one used by the biochemistry department for mcq tests. So I decided to prepare the mcq for lesson 5. I worked at it and worked at it and found my eyes closing. 2 whole days is really close to my limit. I ran through the mcq for lesson 4 and because my roommate Andrew woke up to study for Pathology, I asked him to wake me up at 6.30am so I could continue my revision after an hour's sleep since I found it extremely hard to keep my eyes open anymore.

I was shocked awake by WanSim at 7.30am who was leaving and came to drag me along with her. I asked Andrew why he didn't wake me at 6.30am and he told me I was so deep asleep that I was oblivious to any outside stimulation. It was a wonder that WanSim could wake me up. So I rushed to pack and got ready in 5 mins but had to give up my mcq revision. WanSim gave me her hard copy of the mcqs for me to study in the metro and I bought a "shaurma" (burrito) for breakfast before rushing to class.

I knew I was dead. But I told God I handed everything into His Hands and unashamedly begged for His blessing and mercy. And my teacher came. As expected, she didn't allow me to do my colloq and so I asked her to allow me to attempt my lesson 4 written and oral. I rushed through the written part and during the oral, thanks to my groupmates' discussion, I could give her the answers she required and passed through the mini colloq. Then we were told to do our mcqs. So I attempted mcq for lesson 3 and failed! Shocked, I ran out to revise the variant WanSim gave me earlier then begged Anton to allow me to try again. Thank God he was kind to me that day and gave me a second chance.

I passed, gave my teacher the marks and asked if I could attempt mcq for lesson 4. Permission granted, I did the mcq.

I passed, gave my teacher the marks and asked if I could try the mcq for lesson 5. My teacher gave me that disbelieving look but allowed me to try.

I passed, gave my teacher the marks and this time, she asked me if I wanted to attempt the colloq mcq. I nodded and rushed back into the computer room. Thanking God all the way..

I passed, went to my teacher and she told me to do the lipid pathways mcq. The student taking oral exam with her had eyes opened wide as I went in and out of the computer room. She asked me later if I was a genius. I told her I thank God for giving me the knowledge to decipher the mcq questions based solely on what I could remember about that topic.

I passed the lipid pathways mcq, went to my teacher and asked if I could now attempt the colloq questions. She looked at me and smiled, and told me to wait while she went to find me a variant since she had run out of questions.

All my friends had 2 1/2 hours to prepare for the colloq. I only had less than an hour. So I wrote everything in short form and was preparing to explain everything to my teacher during the oral part. And lo, I didn't even have time to do the oral, I was chased out of the class and had to hand up my paper to my teacher. I knew she was free on Tuesday, so I begged to be allowed to go to her and do my oral on tuesday. Praise God, permission was granted.

And on tuesday, I went to the dean's office to meet her. Her response when she saw me was, "Aaron Group 8 right?" and I could only nod. Because everyone else who went to her had to state their names and group numbers. That meant she already knew me and could remember me. The guy who was so behind in his work and exams but trying to get rid of them. And she found my paper and started to discuss my questions orally with me. I was told my question 1(a) had a pretty good answer. But problems arised from questions 1(b,c,d,e), 2(a,b,c,d,e,f,g,h), 3(a,b,c,d) and 4(b,c,d). That meant almost the entire paper had problems or dissatisfaction.

I was so scared. But I put on that "confident-know-it-all" mask and did my best to answer her questions. She asked me why I didn't write formulas, I showed her the formulas she required that I did write for the previous question. She asked me why my pathways were incomplete at the beginnings, I showed her the connection of pathways from those in the previous questions. In short, I had answered perfectly, but with a lot of short forms and breakages which were meant to be filled up orally since I didn't have time to write them down.

She finally gave me a "4". And I jokingly asked for more. She told me it wasn't possible since I had so much of her scribbles on my test paper and I nodded. I didn't expect more anyway. Then while she was writing my marks in her record book, she put down "4.5" and said, "oih, maybe I give you "4.5", so you must do better next time". That really made my day. I was so happy I thanked her, ran over to the dean's office to take my passport and visa, then rushed home. Messaged my parents, and told dad that I wanted to treat myself to something nice to eat and that he would be paying. And I rushed home and fell asleep.

Finally, I wasn't behind in my biochemistry anymore. I was on par with my groupmates and I could study along with them and take the appropriate mini colloqs together with them.

I had deemed completing 70% in 2 days impossible as it had taken me 2 weeks to complete the first 30%. But now I know that with God's help, nothing is impossible. As long as you ask and allow Him to do His will and work in your life, you'll find that nothing is impossible nor improbably with God. He can work miracles. All we need to do is our best and He will do that rest.

Praise the Lord. He lives and still takes care of me.

PS. By the way, I've been so busy that I haven't had time to miss having a girlfriend. =p Again, thank You Lord for helping me in this aspect.

PPS. I'm starting to be able to open up again to C and treat her as a friend. I suppose it means I'm really starting to be successful in leaving the past behind me. Moving onward. Praising God.

Parable of the sower.

2009-03-21T18:45:00.000-07:00

Mark 4:1-9
The sower and his seed
Mark 4:13-20
The explanation

The types of ground
The wayside ground
The stony ground
The thorny ground
The good ground

The wayside ground
The wayside heart
Downtrodden and hardened
Cynical and disappointed
Expected but did not receive

The stony ground
The stony heart
Uncleared
Full of pride and rebelliousness
Growth is possible
But full of unsteadiness
Hear and influenced
But easily affected and toppled

The thorny ground
The thorny heart
The thorns
The cares of the world
The deceitfulness of riches
The lust for things of the world
The focus of life on himself
To trust in himself
To love himself
To grow but easily choked and suppressed by worldly problems

The good ground
The good heart
The results
Sprouting
Growing
Producing
To hear and do
To listen and obey

The planting of the seed
Exterminate the weeds
Clear the ground
Till the soil
Plant
Water
Expect

The planting of the seed
Dying to self and the world
Renounce the pride and rebelliousness
Breaking up the heart
Planting the seed
Following up
Awaiting the harvest

Me
My heart
Does not have good ground
I have a wayside heart
Partially stony
Partially thorny
I'm bitter
I expected but did not receive
I refused to acknowledge His wisdom
I refused to see His way
At times
I grow
But pressure comes
Tests come
I fall
At times
While growing
Stress and worries
Inhibit growth
Or completely kills me

I forget His love
I forget His presence
I forget His mercy
I forget His blessings
I forget His wonders
I forget His miracles
I forget His help
I forget His availability
I forget His providence
I forget He has always been there
Waiting

O Lord
I am ashamed
To only remember You when all else fails
Why Lord
Do I not think of You first
Whenever trials or problems arise
Why Lord do I attempt with my own strength
Only to fail miserably
Only to fall hard
Only to injure myself
And only after that
Do I remember about You
And think about turning to You

O Lord
Remind me
That You are always there
That Your door is always open
You always welcome me
You are waiting
You want to cleanse me
You want to fill me
You want to empower me
You want to care for me
You want to forget all that is past

O Lord
Take away the lies of the devil
Who makes me feel ashamed
Who makes me feel unworthy
Who makes me feel unclean
Who makes me feel unwanted
Who tells me I can never go back to You

O Lord
Help me turn back to You
Teach me Your ways
Impart to me Your wisdom
And mold me with Your Hands

O Lord
Remind me to always put You first
In every trial
Problem
Test
Fun
Enjoyment
In every aspect of my life
And not to remember You
Only after the hour of doom is at hand

O Lord
Forgive me
And I thank You
For the timely reminder
Of the grounds
And the hearts
And of my heart

Lord Jesus
Bridge the gap between You and me
I beg of You
Make me feel wanted
Make me feel loved
Make me feel Your available-ness
O Lord
Thank You

Take away the depression
Fill it's place with cheerfulness
Make me able to live life
Bringing light to those around me

PS. Lord, today I miss having a girlfriend again. Please take away that feeling so that I can continue to learn how to live life relying on You and not on humans. Please teach me so that You can prepare me for more.

PPS. Mom, dad, I signed up to go for missions in China this coming August 2009. I left it to God to decide for me. If I'm meant to go, the first step would be to provide me with a place in the missions team. Then everything else would fall into place. If my application is rejected, I know I'm meant for greater things back home with you two. Please pray for me and this missions decision. I will receive the reply next week.

God bless all.

A few birthdays..

2009-03-18T15:50:00.000-07:00

15th, Sunday, was Bryan Teoh's birthday.
16th, Monday, was Charmaine Gan's birthday.
17th, Tuesday, was Yow Kian Hong's birthday.

So here was the fun we had planning and executing their "demise".. =p

I made whipped cream, specially for playing. But at midnight Sunday morning, the idiot refused to come out of the bathroom after he took his bath. And since church on Sunday was a must must, we couldn't wait for him and slept first. He thought he was safe. He wasn't, never was. Only pissed us off cuz we waited for him and cuz my load of cream was wasted.

I had told Charmaine last year about my opinion that playing with the birthday cake was a waste since the part that was smeared on the birthday kid's face couldn't be eaten. And I shared with her my idea of making cream to play instead of using the cake. And so, for quite a long time already, I had planned making a cake from pure cream to smash into someone's face. And since she was the first to hear my idea, she was to be my first guinea pig. =]

I made the cream, froze it into a cuboid shaped mass. And my roomies helped me come up with ideas to decorate it.

We didn't want to waste candles, so James offered his "mushroom" biscuit.

Charmaine is my age, 21 this year. =]

And we went.. (",)

Notice the smashing of the "cake"?
It was a success because she really thought it was a cake..!! Ah hahahaha..

I wasn't supposed to be involved..
Initial plan only included Charmaine and Bryan..

But.. =]

And the floor.. (",)
Dun worry, I helped clean up..

But that wasn't all. Her roomies planned to give her a really nice surprise by bullying her on a few floors in the hostel. And they also prepared a video with recordings of birthday wishes from 1st year and 2nd year friends as well as birthday messages from her family, taken with disgression.

So, on Monday, after their Russian class, we who were already prepared gathered outside Charmaine's class to surprise her. And here are brief clips of what they went through. =p

Hope u all enjoyed what I enjoyed.. =]

Nobody.

2009-03-17T21:39:00.000-07:00

I'm a nobody.
Not to her,
Not to them,
Not even to myself.
I'm just a nobody who doesn't mean much (if not anything) in everyones' eyes..
I'm a nobody.

I'm A Friggin' Hypocrite..!

2009-03-15T11:52:00.001-07:00

I'm a friggin' hypocrite!!

Darn, I can look like nothing on the outside when I'm living my life or especially when I'm concentrating upon doing something. But the turmoil inside hurts. It really hurts, and there's little I can do about it. I can't decide what to do, can't decide where to go, can't decide what to think etc..

I chatted with an old friend earlier during the day. He had some God related problems and was confused after reading my blog. So he just wanted to confirm if everything he read were real. I told him they were real. I told him those were my heartfelt feelings. I told him to believe in God and never let go. I told him to have faith and keep moving on. I told him a lot of things that came from my brain but not from my heart. I did NOT tell him those feelings in the blog were only during the time of the event. I did NOT tell him my heart and life were dry now. I did NOT tell him that my heart was in a turmoil. I did NOT want him to fall further because of me.

*guess I still have a little sense of me in me yet...*

But I'm confused myself. I'm wondering if what I'm going through is supposed to be beneficial. Or did I just bring upon myself this "judgement" because of what I did or what I didn't do. What? Why? How? When?

I don't know.
I don't suppose I'd ever know.

I do know that the last time I loved someone (actually still do) I filled my time with her. I lived a rather good and filled life. A life without gaps, a life that was meaningful and had time for everything I needed to do, to accomplish, even if a big chunk was spent on her. But now.. I'm alone. My time is for me alone. And I find, it isn't meaningful, it has a lot of gaps, a lot of splinters that I didn't know how to fill up. And yet, I did not have enough time at all. Time flies at the speed of light now. Time slips past me now. I'm lazy, I'm moody, I'm filled with hatred at myself. And yet, I don't show it. I cannot show it. I made a promise not to affect those around me. But...sigh..

I've made a decision to not touch my computer this whole week unless it's to answer msn or study biochemistry mcqs. No internet, no games, no e-mail, no facebook..

So I'll probably be blogging at a really high frequency since that's the only thing I can do. I wonder if that'll turn my life around or not.

I wish that..
I wish for..
And I wish for..
And I really wish that if only, if only she would...!! But she never will. It's pointless.. It always has been..

Goodbye.

My Pathology teacher.

2009-03-14T08:21:00.000-07:00

There. I got a picture.
This is my Pathology teacher, Tatiana Aleksandrovna Demura, 26 years old. =p
Pretty eh? (",)

My Russian Teacher.

2009-03-13T14:45:00.000-07:00

Today, during my russian class, I took the opportunity to interrogate my russian teacher about a few secret things she refused to tell us when we were getting to know each other on our first day of class. She's a really sweet teacher who just started teaching russian last semester. So we're her first class and since we've had 2 years of russian language classes, we're not too bad ourselves. So her teaching is easy.

But, there was one question that remained in all our minds. How old was she..? She looked so sweet and young and innocent and so easily bullied.. Well, last week, I found out that my Pathology teacher was 26 years old this year. Well, I cunningly asked for her help in filling out her details in my "russian-made" PDA and took the advantage of asking her to fill in the D.O.B. So young. But my russian teacher looked even younger. Heck, she could be my girlfriend for all you know and actually look the part. But she's my teacher.

Look at her and tell me what you think..? =p

Isn't she cute..?

Look at her smile.. (wish all russians were like that..)

A different look but still her.

My favourite. (",)

So anyway, Nika Dubrova (that's her name) looked like she could actually be younger than us. So I used my same tactic that I used on my Pathology teacher and asked her to help fill in my PDA contact details. My PDA program was in russian *duh* and my excuse stood. So I ended up getting her birth-date and e-mail. I just stopped short of her home address since we already obtained invitations to visit her home one day.

Guess her age.. 22 years old. Ahhh..! She can seriously pass off as my girlfriend.. Just to severely piss off a few people in Malaysia.. =p But no worries. I'm not going to do anything like that. But just think of that.. My russian language teacher is 22 years old. My pathology teacher is 26 years old. Don't they get any younger.. At least my microbe teacher is an old man and my biochemistry teacher is a fat old homely lady. My physio teacher is a middle aged handsome playboy. Perhaps when I can obtain their pictures, I'll show you how they look like..

PS. I stole those pictures.. Nika Dubrova doesn't know I took them.. =p But she started it, she used her phone to take pictures of us. (",)

"7 pounds" and my life

2009-03-10T08:38:00.000-07:00

I just finished watching the movie 7 Pounds. And this is probably the first movie since The Passion Of Christ to make me cry. I didn't know why, I didn't know how, all I knew was suddenly there was that all familar chest and throat tightening, and tears flowed uncontrollably. A part of me didn't want to embarass myself in front of my roommate James, but another part of me was rather relieved to find that I was still human and was able to cry. Heck, I've been wanting to cry for quite a time already. I found life to be really unfair when I looked at it from my point of view. But everytime I wanted to talk it over, everytime I sat down and really looked at it from God's point of view, it was fair. In time, I ended up not looking at my life. All I did was feel that it sucked and that was that. I didn't want to comfort myself anymore, either God was going to bring something good into my life, or it was going to remain "emo".

I wikipedia-ed the word "emo", to get a better grasp of it's meaning. And all that turned up were a bunch of words explaining that "emo" was some kind of song or music. That sucked. I had always been made to think that "emo" was emotional or used to describe people who hated themselves and hated life. Usually, "emo" people tried suicide.

See? Now I can't say I'm "emo". I'm not a band, I'm not into music. I'm just into stuff that can temporarily take my mind away from the matters that I think too much about.

And this is my problem. God cannot bring more into my life if I'm not able to do with what I have now. I'm always asking for more, I'm always insisting for more, and even though God gives me more, I want more than I already have. And thus, He takes away. He takes away until I can learn to live with less. Goddammit.. I've been wanting to say that for some time already. But I can't say it out loud. So here, Dang, Dammed, Screwed up Bastard. There. I've just ruined the my image and as of this blog. But i can't live life this way anymore.

I've stopped praying. I can't find the heart nor the mood to pray. Some times when the atmosphere is generated (prayer meeting) I can talk to God. But never about my problem. Never. And after all is said and done, I feel like the worse hypocrite ever alive on planet earth. I can't tell the devil to leave me alone, for he won't. He'll just come at me more and more. But I can tell God to leave me alone, and He will. But that's not what I want. I want a life free of troubles and worries and problems. I want to enjoy life, to have fun and get all I can from this life before it ends.

Now I can see why I was not given large, long-term responsibilities. I can not handle them. Imagine, what would happen to MF if I was left director. It would be long gone. I can't even handle my life. I tell others what to do, I tell others their problem, I tell others what they refuse to accept although true. But I can't handle my life. My life itself is such a mess that it would take centuries to put it right. And I don't even have 1 century.

I was never ready for a relationship. Never. I can always say or think that I'm ready. I also feel ready at times. But I never am. Now all I can do is apologize to those I've hurt emotionally because of my stupidity. Even the last one failed terribly because I took what was given to me and pushed ahead for more. I am much better at putting on my mask now. People actually believe there's nothing wrong with me when I say so. Guess it doesn't worry anyone now.

I am a chicken. I would never ever have the guts to plan and excecute such a plan that was done in the movie 7 Pounds. I can talk all I want about it but I will never be able to do it. I probably cried during the movie because I could never do what the main character did. He made a name for himself and and impact to those around him and will now be remembered for a long time for what he did. But me? What can I do? What will I ever do? Nothing. I will be nothing, and will be a nobody for the rest of my life. I don't think people ever think about me. And now I refuse to believe that anyone actually cares a damn about me. Because I'm afraid of being hurt again. I'm afraid of opening up my heart again and making it vulnerable. I'm afraid to believe that anyone in this world will actually like me. I hate myself. Like a "cold fish".

But my teaching prevails..

That means, deep down inside, I'm still seeking God. I still want to do what's right, somehow. So I guess tonight will be the last night I think and feel like this. Starting tomorrow, life will be better. Ignore that which must be ignored and look towards that which needs my attention. And I need the strength to move on and leave the past where it is.

PS. As a footnote, to Charis and Gan, I envy the both of you. To James, I wish I could be as carefree as you. And to Marcus, I want your brains and brawn. My life, sucks as of now. *peace out*

MF eat out.

2009-03-08T16:29:00.000-07:00

To follow up with our friends, those who accepted Christ during the One Life Event, we decided to have a free dinner sponsored by MF to allow the MF members and those new believers to hang out together and have fun getting to know each other and encouraging each other. We went to this place called Devi's and we had indian food. Here are some of the crazy things that happened that night, 7th March.

Hello ChiaZhen, what's with the pout?

The Yougo zapad hostel girls. Except the one on the far left. =]

Look at the food.. Ooh.. Makes me hungry all over again..

Me and big boss..

The appetizers.

Followed by the main course.

Because 8th March was international Women's Day, the ladies got roses.
*courtesy of Boss*

And some guys went crazy..

Those from pushkin hostel.

More from pushkin hostel.

And those from yougo and kuzmin hostel.
*well, more or less*

The yougo zapad cuties.

And I arrived =p

Beautifully taken.

What amazing pictures nature can give.

Look at all the swollen lips =p

And some people went crazy.
*I think the curry had a little extra in it*

Yet others became serious.
*I think some curry quality control will be needed next time*

Pushkin boss and big boss had a meeting..

While others enjoyed themselves.
*don't they look rather good together?* =]

No I was NOT jealous.
Really, believe me, I was just having fun. (",)

She received her 1st flower in her life that night.
Marcus had the honor.

WanSim and KooiHiang went nutz..

They tried again..

And in the end, I went nutz.. =p

Had a great time. But went home alone since I sent my sister to the opposite bus stop. After watching her safely get on the bus to Yougo-Zapadnaya, I found the others already left on another bus. So I walked home alone. That was a rather lonely walk. Worse still, the wind suddenly perked up and threw minature snow rocks at me. I reached the hostel with a stinging face and frozen forehead.

Popped 2 panadols, took a hot shower and went straight to bed. =]

The One Life Event 1st March 2009!!

2009-03-05T13:41:00.000-08:00

On the 1^st of March 2009, more than 600 people gathered at Holiday Inn Sokolniki to attend one of the most eagerly anticipated events of the year. The One Life event had been generating much buzz and all the hype regarding it had finally built up to this exciting climax. The atmosphere was lively and one could sense expectation in the air as the crowd gathered outside the hallway to await the time to enter the hall. Strains of hip-hop music could be heard emanating from inside as the doors were finally opened at 5.30pm allowing people to enter. Ushers were dressed smartly in suits and formal wear as they directed people through the two main entrances. At each entrance, each guest was handed as program book regarding what was going to happen for the next few hours as well as a number for the lucky draw. The program book contained opening notes from the honored guest of the evening, Ps Kevin Loo from City Harvest Church Kuala Lumpur and Coordinator of the Malaysian Fellowship, Dalvinder Singh as well as a schedule of the evening and last but not least a number for the evening’s lucky draw. Many prizes were up for grabs including airplane models, hats and key chains courtesy of Emirates Airlines, two IPOD shuffles and lastly the most coveted prize, a return ticket to anywhere in Asia from Moscow sponsored by Emirates Airlines as well. They were then escorted in and directed to their seats by the ushers. The first few rows had been reserved for sixth year seniors and they did not disappoint us by turning up in large numbers.

Finally, after everyone was sitted, the audience cheered as the media team presented a video for the opening ceremony of the event. The music was rousing as the short clip kicked into high gear challenging the audience what they knew about their one life. Immediately after the video screen blacked out, the spotlight lit up upon GengYan and the electric guitar started the intro for the song "Beautiful Day". The Malaysian Fellowship band then launched immediately into a passionate rendition of the song Beautiful Day by U2. The band members were comprised of GengYan of course, the MichealJackson impersonator for the night, IsaacSiow on the drums, WeeKee rocking away on the bass, YunnMin and ChihWan on keyboards, Herman strumming away on the acoustic guitar as well as our very own The Edge, NeilsIsaac on the electric guitar. They soon had the crowd going and cheering wildly as the GengYan put every ounce of energy into belting out the lyrics for the song. The evening had got off to a explosive start and everyone believed that it would only get better.

After the MF band made their way off stage, JivanLatif the MC for the night then strode onto the stage with a wide grin amidst heavy applause. He engaged with lively banter with the audience for a few minutes before introducing the first act for the evening, rapper Dre the Nomad. His voice preceded him as he made his way from the back of the hall to the stage, and as the audience cheered, he flicked a few of his mixtape cds into the crowd. As he nonchalantly strode onto stage, he was greeted by loud cheers and applause by the enthusiastic crowd. Within a few seconds, loud funky hip-hop music began pulsing out of the two main speakers overhead and he soon captured the audience with his in-your-face style of rapping and drove the Christian message into the heart of people amidst the loud music while he lumbered around on stage doing his stuff.

After the conclusion of the act, the crowd once again invited back MC Jivan onto the stage. He then introduced his lovely co-MC for the night LiVia to join him in announcing the lucky draw winners for the night. The atmosphere became tense as they went through the list of items up for grabs, playing up the suspense. Then only they asked the audience to search under their respective chairs as sticky notes that depicted prizes won had been placed there before the event began. The winner of one of the IPOD shuffles dazedly made his way upstage to claim his prize, looking as though he could not believe how fortunate he was.

Next, the MC introduced the next performance, a hip-hop dance group who called themselves Saved then took their place onstage to more rapturous applause. Once again, loud hip-hop music assaulted the audience’s eardrums as they held their breath in awe at the perfectly synchronized dance moves executed by the two incredibly talented dancers. Their motions were fluid and steps confident as they pranced around on stage. The energy in their routine was just impressive.

Next to follow was a Russian Rap group by the name of Light-Line. They too kept the audience wowed as they began rapping in Russian about money proving that in music, language barriers do not exist. For the second song, they were joined on stage by a female member of their group. The second song was mellower and set the stage for the female singer to demonstrate her vocal prowess. It wasn’t long before she started to impress the audience and every time she sang a verse, the crowd went into frenzy. Her pitching was accurate to the minute detail and every note was pure bliss.

Then, the MC and his co-MC came on stage. The crowd went wild as everytime the co-MC appeared, gifts were to be given out as stated earlier. And the MC set about explaining that everyone would have to send in a text message as shown on the screen to a certain handphone number also to be shown on the screen. The only requirements were to type the message exactly as seen on the screen and be the first one to send the message to the stated number. Then the message flashed on the overhead screens and the phone number slowly appeared back to front. A few frenzied minutes passed by before the winner was announced while LiVia begged the audience to stop sending as her phone was filling up with messages faster than she could delete them.

Next, the main prize for the night, which no one knew beforehand, was introduced to the crowd. It was a 3-month return ticket from Moscow to anywhere in Asia. This time, the Manager of Emirates Airlines was invited onto the stage to draw the winning number. There were rustles in the audience as everyone searched for the lucky draw number on their respective program books. Then it was time for the winner of the most coveted prize to be announced and the MCs prolonged the agony of the crowd by reading out the digits starting from the middle. The crowd held their breath as they awaited the announcement of the final number which would determine the lucky winner that would take home the grand prize. When the number was finally read out, many strained their necks to catch a glimpse of the petite girl making her way out from the crowd and onto stage. She was presented the ticket by Mr Sergei, the representative from Emirates Airline. He also took a few minutes to brief her regarding the details of her win. When asked how she felt about her win, she smiled and commented that she had never won anything that big before. She then thanked the emcees and Mr Sergei once more before taking her seat below stage once more. The joy on her face was apparent as she stepped off the stage causing her face to shine perhaps even brighter than the bright lights overhead.

And next up, the MF band made their way onstage once more to lead the crowd in rousing praise and worship. This time they were joined by singers, Esther, Kenix, MayShi, Alyssa and Billy. The songs that were sang were the ever so popular Every Move I Make, Trading My Sorrows, Sanctuary and lastly the theme song One Live, One Love. Participation by the audience was rather minimal at first but they soon began to wave their hands according to the music. It was great to see many people responding to the call of the worship leader, GengYan to do so.

After the singing and audience participation, KimWeeRic from M2 took the stage to share about giving. He presented many statistics about the state of the world nowadays, quoting figures that astounded many. He showed that if we have some money in our wallet, money in the bank and spare change lying around the house, we are considered to be in the richest 8% of the world. He also gave many figures about child labour and the illegal exploitation of minors. His words struck many hearts as he encouraged everyone to give and pledge their support in doing whatever they can. He quoted Mother Theresa saying that if we were not able to feed a thousand, it would be alright to feed even just one. A video was also shown of the Malaysian Fellowship’s recent mission trips to Indonesia and China depicting the deplorable conditions which the people lived in. Many in the audience were touched by the things that not so fortunate people have to go through in order to survive and some were deeply moved. Many responded to the call to give and the collection bags were full as they returned to the ushers that passed them out.

The event continued with the performers of the last performance making their way onstage to perform a hip-hop dance. They were no other than our very own LLAMADONKEEZ. The MC proudly announced them and claimed that they danced their way out of their mothers’ own womb, a claim that has yet to be proven with substantial proof. Dressed with white masks, they then began to dance as the speakers blared out hip-hop music for the third time that night. After completing their routine, they left the stage to loud applause.

Finally it was time for the emcee to introduce the guest speaker for the evening, specially flown in from Malaysia. The crowd rose to its feet to welcome no other than Pastor Kevin Loo, the founder and senior pastor of City Harvest Church Kuala Lumpur. Despite of his glowing reputation, he was a truly humble and down to earth man. Firstly, he took the opportunity to thank everyone for inviting him to come and the sponsors for making this event a success. He said that it was indeed a great honor for him to meet so many future Malaysian doctors studying in a far away country.

Beginning his message, he started by sharing about the Beijing Olympics which started on the 8^th of August 2008. He mentioned about the greatest Olympian on this planet, Michael Phelps which won 8 gold medals and broke as many world records. He then shared more examples of people that have understood the concept of One Life and live their life to the fullest. The next example he gave was of a Scotsman by the name of John Liddel. John had refused to run in his pet event, the 100m sprint on a Sunday because he believed by doing so he would not be honoring God. He decided to run in the 400m much to the horror of many but not only managed to win gold but also managed to shatter the then world record. The next example he gave was of Mother Theresa, a lady who dedicated her entire life to helping people that were less fortunate. He continued on by telling us about John Woo, the famous Hollywood director who incorporates Christian values into his movies because when he was younger he was constantly bullied and picked on and the only person who always stood up for him was his church pastor. He then asked us all why we chose to come to One Life despite having to brave the snow and the cold to travel for one hour to reach the place.

Pastor Kevin continued on by telling us an amazing story of one of his young church member by the name of Vincent. He had slipped and fell during cheerleading practice and felt that his neck was a little sore. The pain gradually worsened over a period of days and he began to feel dizzy. After much pleading by his friends to visit a doctor, he was stunned when the doctor told him that he had fractured two bones in his neck. The doctor also told him that it was a miracle that he did not die on the spot and also said that whatever God he believed in, it was that very same God that was sustaining him.

Pastor then began to speak on 2 Timothy 4:7. He split the verse into three parts. First he began to share on the first part of the verse “I have fought the good fight”. He started off by saying that he found it very interesting that Paul refers to life as a fight. He then questioned us on what we believe is worth living for. He shared that there were two most important days in each person’s life. First was the day we were born and second was the day we found out the reason for us living here. He then challenged us to find out why we were placed here on planet Earth.

Secondly, he began to share on the second part of the verse “I have finished the race”. He gave an example of the fastest man on earth at the moment, Usain Bolt from Jamaica. He shared that scientists had believed than Man would only be able to run that fast in the year 2025 but he had managed to accomplish it in year 2008. Pastor continued sharing about the proper way to finish a race. He shared that in order to finish a sprint, a person had to have nerves but in order to finish a marathon, what the person needed was stamina. He then likened our life to a marathon. He said in order to run this marathon, we needed stamina as well and this stamina would come from our heart. He also said that our spiritual stamina would determine how much we would accomplish in our lifetime.

He then pointed us to a verse in the Bible, Proverbs 4:23. He shared that our heart is a birthplace for desire and is the first organ to be formed in our body. Pastor then demonstrated his humorous side as he explained the difference between the words “jantung” and “hati” in Bahasa Melayu. His jokes had the audience in stitches many a times.

Moving on, he stressed that it is our heart that separates us from animals. He shared that our heart naturally longs for God and longs to be loved for. Animals have no heart and thus have no capability to love, according to him. He then gave an illustration of seeing a dead animal by the roadside and seeing a dead human being. He said that if we were to see a dead animal we would have no feelings but if we saw a dead human, we would always remember that particular spot even many years from then.

Pastor also shared that as humans, we are just not physical beings but we also had a soul and spirit. He also said that in the few years, many of us would fall out of and into love. He reminded us not to let bitterness take over our hearts if that were to happen to us.

Thirdly, he began to share on the final part of the verse “I have kept the faith”. Pastor Kevin reminded us that it was imperative for us to keep our faith strong at all times. He asked us to examine our hearts as to what we believe in our hearts. He then briefly shared his own testimony on how his life changed as he began to attend church. He commented that he would probably be a gangster if it weren’t for church and the love of God.

Pastor Kevin strongly reminded us to keep faith to believe that we were not here by accident. He shared that even before God created the universe, He already knew each and every one of us. He shared with us another funny story on how he hated to eat mushrooms. The whole hall laughed as they identified with what he was sharing.

Finally, Pastor Kevin shared about Eric Liddel once more. He talked about how Eric loved God and the Chinese people so much that he worked as a missionary in China until the end of his life. He also told us how much the Chinese people revered him until he was recognized as the first Chinese gold medalist. Pastor then invited the musicians onto stage as he asked everyone to bow their heads. He began to speak and challenge those who were eager to know more about God and those who were interested in the field of missions to raise up their hands. Us PICs at the back of the hall began to pray intensively. I personally kept asking God to touch the hearts of those I had prayed for since the planning of the One Life Event. The atmosphere was silent as hands began to rise from all over the hall. Amen!! People whom I never even expected to attend the event raising their hand! What a miracle! I praised God on the spot! Pastor then began to pray for the people who had their hands raised and after that proceeded to the foyer outside of the hall. The event had now been concluded.

Pastor remained in the foyer taking pictures with people and talking to those who had put up their hands earlier. Many people rushed to have their picture taken with him and soon he had his hands quite full. Malaysian Fellowship leaders also started to talk to the people who had raised their hands to know more about God and the missions. Some people were saved that very evening and I believe heaven rejoiced as they placed their trust in the Lord Jesus Christ. Everyone was handed a goody bag containing some light refreshments and not a sad face was to be seen. Everyone obviously had a great time and the much awaited event was a great success.

*************************************************************************************

All through out the event, my helpers, Saac and Gan, and I were kept on our toes as we ran around, passed messages, ran the program, reminded the PICs about the things that were needed for the next event and tried to make the event run smoothly and seem like there were no problems at all. As the program manager, it was my duty to coordinate the MCs, the Media team, the performers and make sure they did what they were supposed to do at the right time and in the right place. Marcus, the program director would yell at me, and I would see what I could do with the media team, the lightings, and I would often send Gan to Saac to prepare the performers or running to pass the MC a note about program change and as such. I really thank my 2 helpful friends as much had been done at the expense of their stress and energy and I think I've shortened their lives by quite a number of years..

After the event, I had to help with the cleaning up and clearing up. I passed Jing's parcel to Kelvin from Volgograd to help me pass to her. And after more yelling from Marcus and rushing about, I finally got my stuff together and took them out of the hall. It was time to prepare to go home and also photo session time. Oh, by the way, my russian teacher came for the event!! It was such a big surprise to see her there. Wow.. I even managed to get into some photos with Rev. Kevin Loo. (",)

So there you have it. The successful event which showed me how much God loves me and how He will answer prayers and provide for anything we need. The phrase "I will not be in want" now really makes sense to me after experiencing it for myself. I know that from this event, I not only received much blessing and hope from the Lord, but that He has increased greatly my faith in Him too. He is Awesome, Magnificient, Wonderful, Glorious, and Everlastingly Faithful. All creatures and creations praise His name forever and ever.

And now, the pictures of the event. I'm sorry, but I only managed to take pictures after the event and most people already left at that time. I will pass the One Life Event video to whoever who would like to watch it later when it is released. For now, here is what I looked like during that event.. =p

Me and the 2 lead ushers, Jowyne and Annastasia.

Me and Kenix (my supposed "mom" whom I only found out that night.. =p)

This is Gan. He really helped me a lot during the event. But what is he doing..?

Me and Valynne.. (note, Charis' hand is at the lower left corner, holding the McD's packet..)

There.. My 3 pretty girls, Charis, Charmaine and Valynne.

With an additional ChiaZhen.
(I actually have one with an additional Gan in it, but it came out blur..)

And here's Mr.Gan again. Wonder what he is doing eh? =p

Am i handsome or what? =]

The babe magnet..
*I stole that phrase from Jasraj..sorry Raj*

Note, I'll post the photo with Rev. Kevin Loo when I can get a hold of it..

Before, During and After...

2009-03-03T15:24:00.000-08:00

First of all, sorry to all those who expected from my blog. I've been really really busy preparing, excecuting and regenerating for the One Life Event and thus, I really didn't have time to do anything else at all.. As of now, I'm officially free from responsibility of the One Life Event and now I'll do my best to recollect what went on on Sat 28th Feb, Sun 1st Mar and Mon 2nd Mar.

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28th February 2009, Saturday.
First off, in the morning I had to rush off for Pathology class. And as could be read previously, my Friday session ended pretty late and since I still had to finish off some stuff for the event and prepare some work for my Patho class, I slept at 7am. And My class was at 9.30am. I needed to leave at 8.30am to be able to reach there on time. So I smsed my groupmate WanSim asking her to wake me up at 8.00am since I was so sure I wouldn't hear my alarm at all. I was woken at 8.30am by WanSim's call. Her panicky voice told me she just only woke up as well. Goodness, where was time to get ready and freshen up? The funny thing was, as I took her call, I saw my roommate James lumber to the toilet. I put down the phone, grabbed my clothes and watched James rush out of the toilet and Yow (my blockmate) sprint in. I got dressed, checked my bag and put on my socks as Marcus (my other blockmate) shoot out the front door. I filled my pockets with essentials, grabbed my scarf and gloves and left with James. Yow was still in the toilet. I met WanSim and Vashni at the lift and we rushed out of the hostel together.
*note* My entire room (with the exception of Andrew who had biochemisty and left at 7.30am) had pathology class together at 9.30am. (",)

All of us actually slept past our alarms.. *grins* But due to past experience, I knew that I wouldn't be able to last through class due to lack of sleep. *frowns* Well, the cold blasted me awake, adrenaline rushed as I hurried to prepare my mcqs and thank God, we entered 5 seconds before the teacher. God is good.. I had a pretty good lesson, fun and fatigued but not blur. After class, we rushed to Namiotkina to attend the MF combined meeting due at 2.30-4.30pm. By Rev. Kevin Loo.

First of all, Herman shared about LOVE.

"Honor the LORD with your wealth, with the firstfruits of all your crops;"

Proverbs 3:9

So, with the blessings that God hath given to thee, if thou loved the LORD, thou art to Honor Him back with what He hath given. We are all stewards of the earth, and we own nothing in this world. Thus, we are only giving back to Him a small portion of what He has loaned to us, losing nothing, and gaining His respect and trust for greater things.
And offering was collected.

Our ministry and our walk with God is a marathon,
Not a sprint.
To enjoy our walk with God,
We have to make sure that every step we take is fun.
If we're miserable,
We'll make those around us miserable as well!!

And Rev. Kevin Loo took the stage.
He reminded us that everything in life needs a vision.
Those without vision will perish.
And tithing is about putting God first in our life.
Tithing isn't about the money,
Not the 10% at all.
It's about showing we're responsible enough with what God has given,
Ensuring the trust that we're able to be responsible with more.

And he continued from last night about the pie chart representing our money.
Where does pledging come from in that chart?
Do we set aside more % of our money?
No.
We ask God what He wants from us.
If God says,
"Give up your rainy day savings"
That's what we take out and pledge to whatever is needed.
And we trust that He will not let us have any rainy days for the duration of the pledged project.
If God says,
"Give me your retirement/wedding/education savings"
That's what we pledge trusting that God will provide for it.
And so, we should teach the people to love God,
And let them give on their own accord.

The greatest fear in life is not (that you cannot give),
The greatest fear in life is (not having seed to sow)..
Heck,
If we're neck high in debt,
How can we still afford to pledge?
What do we have left to give to God's ministry?
Thus,
Wisdom increases increase.
If the devil can control our money,
He'll limit our influence in the community.

Also,
Integrity keeps increase.
People with integrity walk straight,
Those without will slip and fall.

"The way of the LORD is a refuge for the righteous, but it is the ruin of those who do evil."

Proverbs 10:29

And so we see that it is the way that destroys the wicked,
Not the money itself.
Money is the root of all evil,
True,
But without money we cannot do anything.
So money isn't wrong,
But the way destroys those who misuse it.

The world wants to see leaders with integrity.
We follow Him,
He who is opening the way for us,
And thus we should be safe.
We are not expected to know everything.
We are not bible encyclopedias.
Thus,
The LORD has said that we will know enough for that week,
We only need to know how to help and be someone whom others can look up to.
Don't crap about the bible.
If you don't know,
Say you don't know,
Then go and find out and learn.

Elisha served Elijah willingly and honestly without fail,
Thus,
He received a double portion of the blessing Elijah had.
But Gerhazi on the other hand wasn't willing to serve.
He lied and thus was struck with leprosy,
And never received blessing at all.
Honesty is still the best policy.

True riches in life is not your money,
But the lives of the people God can entrust to you.
Amen.

Then the Rev shoot into the message prepared for today.

"Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the LORD rises upon you."

Isaiah 60:1

He who made all the wonders of the world chose to live in us.
And we now clearly have the unfair advantage which is the Holy Spirit.
Change of increase begins when we have a renewed thinking.

"For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness knowledge; and to knowledge self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love."

2 Peter 1:5-7

Virtue (arete-greek) actually means excellence.
Excellence of efficiency is a necessary Christian virtue.
The bible hates laziness more than drunkeness,
For laziness will become a habit in our lives.
Habit is more powerful than vision.
Habit can destroy vision.

Excellence:
To be superior in quality,
Greater in quality,
To transcend our job description,
And to excel every truth.

1, Excellence is the result of high intuitions.
Hard work produces results.
Don't compromise.
Anything worth doing is worth doing well.
Pay attention to details.
Details determine destiny.
Measure twice,
Cut once.

2, Excellence is to obtain greater in quality.
We must try to be as productive as we can for the Lord.
The Church of the Living God has to be as big as possible.
And that puts a huge demand on our time, heart and money.
But hard work pays.
So does self management.
Studies have shown that:
Sleep less,
Live longer.
More than 8 hours or less than 4 hours of sleep portrays a higher death rate,
Than those who only sleep 6-7 hours a day.
Great things will definitely cost you.
And sleep especially is one of them.

3, Excellence is to transcend our job transcription.

4, Excellence is to outdo ourselves each time.

The new spirit of increase inside of you in every aspect of life.
(Rev. rushed due to lack of time..)

And we had nasi lemak for tea. Then, as instructed by Event director, Marcus, I rushed off to M2 to meet up with the media team and the MC to discuss and run through the entire program and make sure everything was alright. It took me a heck of a long time to get there and I was already exhausted.. I reached with Saac who was assisting me as program manager and we entered the hostel with the help of Jivan the MC. I bought Lipton Red Tea because my throat was starting to kill me. Marcus arrived later and we sat down to finalize the program. Everything was discussed and we were in the room from 6pm to 10pm. Goodness.

Then after the meeting, it was late, I really wanted to get home. I still had some things to get done before I could go to bed and I really needed to sleep. But Marcus wanted to accompany Annastasia back to Yougo because he didn't like her travelling back alone so late at night. But him doing so would mean he had to travel back to pushkin alone, and it wasn't safe for one guy either.. In the end, I sent Saac to the M2 bus station, made sure she got on the bus directly back to pushkin, then accompanied Marcus to Yougo then back to pushkin. Reached home by midnight and talked to Saac and Gan once more about what they were to do. Saac was to help with organizing the performers and Gan was to be my run around messenger.

I only managed to get to bed by 3.30am, needing to wake up at 7.30am to prepare for church..

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1st March 2009, Sunday.

I woke up late. Again.. At least WanSim came to call me as she was leaving. So I rushed, made sure I had everything I needed for church and the event later as well as Jing's parcel, and got dressed. Long sleeved shirt, tie, slacks, blazer and boots. Winter coat over that. And rushed out to church, alone..

I made it just on time and got seated as praise and worship began. It was awesome. I could feel God's presence in the theater. I somehow just knew that God was in charge and I didn't need to worry. The only thing that distracted me for awhile was the fleeting thought of C and of how much I missed her beside me. I asked God to move me on, and pushed that thought away and started to praise God.

And the message on Sunday. I really thank God I didn't miss it. Marcus originally wanted me and the media team to get to the Hotel in the morning to prepare for the event. But I really didn't want to miss church. Thank God he provided. I was allowed to come to church and all of us PICs would rush to the Hotel immediately after church.

The message,
The Journey Of An Anointed Life.
1 Kings 17 - 2 Kings 13.

What God wants is both willingness and obedience,
Not willing but disobedient,
Nor obedient but unwilling.
And the Lord used Elijah because he was obedient in the face of unpopularity.

Disobedience can cost us our calling.

We see that in Elijah's lifetime,
He performed 7 major miracles of individual and national effect.

Proclamation of a 3 1/2 year drought - 17:1-7
The widow's oil and flour that did not run dry - 17:8-16
The resurrection of the widow's son - 17:17-24
The victory at Mount Carmel - 18:20-46
Fire that killed 50 men and their captain - 1:10
Fire that killed 50 men and their captain - 1:12
Parting of the Jordan river - 2:8

And Elisha became Elijah's servant.
All Elijah did was lay his cloak on Elisha,
And Elisha served him until his ascension.

For the anointing of God to continue in your life,
You must first learn what it means to be faithful.
So we see what happened to Elisha after Elijah left.

Dividing the water of Jordan - 2:21
The 42 youths and the bear - 2:23-25
Water to the thirsty army - 3:17
The widow's oil that did not run dry - 4:1-7
Resurrection of the widow's son - 4:8-37
Purifying the pot of stew - 4:38-41
Feeding the 100 men - 4:42-44
Healing of Namaan's leprosy - 5:1-19
Floating of the axe head - 6:1-7
Adverting of disaster at the hands of the Syrians 6:8
The horses and chariots of fire 6:17
The Shunamite woman's land restored 8:1-6
Overthrowing of evil kings
And the dead man who came alive over his bones 13:20-21

And thus,
We see that Elisha not only performed the miracles Elijah did,
But he performed more,
Exactly double.
And we can see that he received a double portion of the blessing of Elijah.

"And now, dear children, continue in him, so that when he appears we may be confident and unashamed before him at his coming."

1 John 2:28

Servanthood, obedience, faithfulness, and abiding in Christ are the keys to a sustained anointed journey of life.

Then we see that Gerhazi,
Elisha's student,
Was never able to continue that journey of anointing.
Because:

He was not so willing to serve his master but himself - 5:20
He was not obedient and he lied - 5:22
He was not faithful in little things
He was not faithful enough to stay the course.

Finally,
Greed can possess we to move ahead of ourselves to receive something meant for us but at the wrong time.

This made me think,
And made me regret,
That perhaps by insisting my way and moving so fast,
I might probably have destroyed what God had meant for 'us',
And I probably have lost that chance forever.
Sigh.

After church, we rushed to the Holiday Inn Hotel and began to do our respective jobs. Marcus was rather scarce. He was all over the place all the time. So I waited for the media team to set up then ran through the program with them. MC came and we discussed some changes and backup plans. Performers came one by one and gave me and Saac lots of headaches. The MF band took up a rather large amount of time which made the performers unable to practise. Gave me headache too. And SFC suddenly came up and insisted that their performance be included too. Another headache as our schedule was already packed and over the time. How was I supposed to add them? And finally, Marcus got directions from Dalvin to put the SFC performance at the closing ceremony..

And then, the event began. Of that, I'll put it in another post later on as there are many many many!! things to tell.

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2nd March 2009, Monday

We reached home way past midnight exhausted but exhilarated. I for one was surprised that I was still standing and hadn't collapse yet. Thank God for his sustaining power. I have biochemistry 4 mini-colloqs for later and I didn't have time at all to study due to the event. So after I bathed, rested awhile, I sat down to do as much biochem as I could. And nothing could enter my head.. At 3am, I decided to just nap awhile and wake up at 6am to study till 7.30am and leave for class.

JY shocked me awake at 7.30am.. That meant, yet again, I had no time to get ready and would be late for class, not to mention, no time for revision either. See how exhausted I was? Anyway, I met HanYin at the lifts and we went to class together. The dear girl, bless her soul, gave me a once over of the biochem lessons during the trip to class even though she needed to study for her own mini-colloq which was different from mine. And praise God, she passes her exams without even needing to sit for them. As for me, I really praise God that the teacher only tested me on one mini-colloq (which I managed to pass) and gave me another 2 weeks to finish the rest of the mini-colloqs.

And to celebrate the event, my groupmates and I decided to treat ourselves to something nice. So we went to Pizza World to eat some really really good pizzas at half price.. =] Then on our way back, just before entering the hostel, someone started to throw snow, and pushing began, and suddenly, snow went flying everywhere. Even I got thrown into a snow drift. So since we were already doing that, we decided to place our bags and books in our rooms and dressed to play snow. WanSim tried to 'put us aeroplane" again but we dragged her out and threw her in the snow. We had snow fights, buried each other in snow, tossed snow balls, made snow angels and many more, till we all had snow in our gloves, boots and hair. I even had snow down my scarf, and none of us could feel our hands, nor feet, nor cheeks, nor ears.. It was fun, and probably the best winter ever for me. (",)

We went back indoors after an hour and as I was undressing to go to bed, Marcus received a phone all from Tjen Jhung (hospitality team for Rev. Kevin Loo) and was asked to get his ass out to Red Square to meet up with the Rev. He asked me to go along and since he was so pityful, I decided to suffer and be blessed along with him. We rushed to Red Square, only to have the Rev leave for home after 30mins for dinner. We were supposed to have dinner with him, but his host requested she prepare dinner as her family wanted to spend the last night with him. And so we went by ourselves and the whole hospitality team to Manesh for our own dinner. And there we shared testimonies, experiences and blessings that we had gone through before, during and after the One Life Event. And we discussed plans for following up on those who got saved, which included having a free makan between the MF hotspot members and their follow up friends.

I got home really late again, about 9pm, had prayer meeting, had MF leaders meeting, then I collapse into bed.

PS. I only woke up at noon today.. =p

So there you have it, my busy 3 days. That was why I couldn't blog, nor update. During this time, I could really see and experience God's blessing and miracles. So many things that we deemed impossible actually became possible after we placed them in God's Hands. He has really increased my faith in Him and I now know that changing my life and moving ahead is possible. He has my life in His Hands and I trust that I will be blessed for that is His promise.

God bless all. (",)

27th February

2009-02-27T15:21:00.000-08:00

God works in weird ways.
He works in ways we cannot see.
And He always make a way for me no matter how bleak the future seems.
Let me give another testimony.

I was woken up at 9.30am by WanSim who had a job for me. She needed me to bring the One Life Event banner to M2 hostel. The banner is a 2.5mx0.8m and is made of thick plastic fibers. Heavy..

I needed to compile the program list for the different committees so that I can pass to them and brief them about the major points they needed to look out for during the event.

I needed to print the program lists after I was done with them.

WanSim called around 11.30am to ask me to bring Marcus' bible for him.

Vashni requested that I bring a bag of refreshments for Rev. Kevin Loo as she was hospitality team but she didn't want to lag the bag with 2 bottles of mineral water to class.

I have russian class at 2pm till 5pm.

I have to attend the Combined Leaders Meeting compulsory for all leaders which begins at 7pm but we needed to be there by 6.30pm for prayer and to prepare to receive the Rev.

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There you have it, the things that I had to complete today. Let me tell you about how God blessed me during this day. (",)

I began typing at my computer. I worked at putting the program lists together and it took a rather long time. Perhaps I'm so not made for this kind of secretarial work. By that time, after the distractions of taking the bible and Vashni's refreshment bag, I completed the program lists around noon. To make it on time for my class, I had to leave latest by 12.30pm. So I went to print the lists. And lo behold, Vashni already left for her class and she left me the key. So I had to go and print the lists myself. And with editing it and checking it and then printing it, all done myself, I came back to my room at 12.40pm. Shocked myself. But I told myself that I could still make it on time if I rushed.

And then, guess what, I saw the banner. The large heavy burden it was, sitting beside my bed. And I still needed to drop by M2 which was out of my way to pass it to Pauline. Second shock. And this time, I knew I'd be late. And really really late for class. But I had no choice. I got my things together and left the room. On the way out, I remembered God. So I kinda disbelievingly just told Him that I'd be late for class, but I still sorta hoped that He would give me a safe journey and take care of me while I travelled. In His way of course.

I caught the bus that would take me to M2, and whispered a thank you to God. And then, surprise surprise.. I got a message from my russian teacher saying that she would be an hour late due to heavy snowfall and a broken down car. Wow! My heart leaped. I thanked God. Somehow, by some method that even I could not dream of, He had provided a way for me to still make it to class on time, by delaying my teacher.. =p

I called my groupmates to inform them and WanSim took the opportunity to ask me to check the USD-rouble exchange rate at Yougo-zapadnaya. I told her that I wouldn't pass there already since I was already at M2 and it would be nearer for me to get to Konkovo instead. Then I got a call from Pauline saying that she wanted to get to class already. I was wondering how could I allow her to drag such a heavy burden to class and back when I got another call from SuetYin asking if i needed help in anything while she was at the hostel. Praise God, problem solved. He provided suddenly for no apparant reason. I had only asked Isaac to supply me with a name of someone still in M2 hostel and he had given me Pauline's name. He had no reason to call SuetYin to help me, but he did. I praise God for His Hand in all things.

After passing on the banner, relieving myself of some heaviness, I decided to take the slightly longer route to Yougo-zapadnaya to do WanSim a favor of checking the exchange rate. I thought it'd be only slightly longer. But I didn't realise that that route was heavily jammed. And this time, I would be really really late. Exceptionally late for class. I decided to just let things be. Again, God didn't fail me, my teacher came 2 mins after I arrived. (",)

Look at how God blesses me and takes care of me? He helped me to achieve things in a way that was impossible, improbably, something that I could never have thought of. Praise Him the most High who still takes time out to show me how much He loves and cares for me..

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And now,
For the main event,
The combined leaders' meeting with Rev. Kevin Loo from Malaysia.

The main structure of building a church is strong leadership.
It would be easier to teach 60 leaders than 60 members,
Because then the work would be lightened by 60x.
Thus,
The question was,
How strong can we build the base of leadership?
And are you qualified or not to be a leader?
Well,
All human beings need to be leaders,
We all need to lead ourselves.
*To lead others, use your heart.
To lead yourself, use your head*
This means that we can not be emotional when leading ourselves.

"Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord rises upon you."

Isaiah 60:1

For He who chooses to live inside of us,
Lives in our very core.
"Koelia" (greek)
Means the space between our diaphragm and ribs,
Our very core.
And so,
Now that God Almighty lives inside of me,
What Should I Do?

If we could go back to Genesis 0:0,
We find that there was nothing,
But even during that time,
He already knew me,
He already planned for me,
He already loved me.

The Bible,
Begins with Eden but ends with Jerusalem,
Begins with Abram but ends with Abraham (father of many),
Begins with Sara but ends with Sarah (mother of many),
Begins with one who was hated (Joseph) but ends with a prime minister,
Begins with a shepherd (David) but ends with a king,
Begins with fishermen but ends with fishers of men.
Therefore, we can see that the Holy Spirit is the spirit of increase.
The Glory of God increases when we increase our understanding of God.
God cannot change,
He is complete,
Perfect,
From the very beginning.
It's us who has to change.
Our perception of God will determine the kind of life we'll live.
1, God has chosen us for a great increase.
2, Be committed for greater good in our life.
3, We must set ourselves free for greater increase.

Eternal life begins the moment we believe in God.
Eternity is not a place we go to after death.
Eternity is the realm in which God dwells.
If you say that we who live in the mortal realm,
Can only go to God in eternity after we die,
You are so wrong..
Eternity is a realm with no concept of time,
Constant,
For growth can occur only with time.
Thus, when we know God,
We begin to experience God's realm in our lives.
Increase in our lives is never determined by circumstances,
It begins on the inside of us.

And now,
The problem of Poverty and Prosperity.
Poverty is not the state of not having,
But the fear of not getting causes you to hold on to what you already have.
Prosperity is not the state of having,
But expectations and faith of increase which causes you to give from which you already have.
And increase not only in money,
But in every area of our lives.

"The blessing of the Lord brings wealth, and he adds no trouble to it."

Proverbs 10:22

From here, we can see that there's no catch to God's blessing.
And God's blessing brings wealth.

"But the noble man makes noble plans, and by noble deeds he stands."

Isaiah 32:8

So we need to plan for the wealth God will give us.

"But remember the Lord your God, for it is he who gives you the ability to produce wealth, and so confirms his covenant which he swore to your forefathers, as it is today."

Deuteronomy 8:18

And the Lord has given us the ability to generate wealth.
Money can't buy happiness,
Very true,
But money can buy candy,
And that can bring about happiness,
Not only to yourself,
But to others as well,
Be realistic.

Only 2 kinds of people do not need money:
1, People who are dead.
2, People who don't have visions for their life.

Money is not the answer for everything,
But we need money for quite a lot of things,
Thus,
We need money,
But don't let money control you,
You control the money.

Money?
You have an edge,
Use it!

Christians with the Holy Spirit and don't use it,
Is just like a soldier with a gun but doesn't know how to use it.
As a Christian,
We have an unfair advantage,
It's called DiScRiMiNaTiOn.
Because God gives us favor,
Because we are children of God.
So we need to learn how to use this unfair advantage correctly.
(fine line here, don't overstep your boundary!!)

And so,
The Financial Vision Pie.
1, Tithe (10%)
We need to learn to put vision in our finance.
The wealth of God is like a river,
Agreed?
But we are not God,
So our wealth is only like a pie.
Placing food in a place where it doesn't belong,
The rats will come and destroy it,
So put your tithe properly,
And more will be given on to you,
Not taken away.

2, Savings (10%)
A bank account without an atm card,
Understand?
Clear as day.

3, Investment (10%)
The mistake most people make,
Is that they invest their savings.
Don't ever invest savings,
Savings are never to be moved.
Investments are for things like insurance...

4, Rainy Days (10%)
You may fall sick?
Motor vehicle accidents?
Flu?
Отработка? =p
You get what I mean..

5, Retirement/Wedding/Education (10%)
I don't need to elaborate here..

And from the leftover 50%,
this is what defines how you live,
after giving of offerings,
taxes (Give to Caesar what belongs to Caesar),
rental,
car loan,
neccessities,
food,
etc.
Whatever leftover?
Shopping,
Travelling,
Partying,
Is for you to enjoy life with as God's blessing. (",)

And now,
To the main topic,

1, Faith bring increase.
Faith will cause our walk with God to be alive.
Faith is not visible,
But,
Things invisible are more powerful than things visible.
If our faith can increase,
It can also decrease!!
And one can never understand faith until one has overcame fear.
Faith will increase when we step out,
And the light will only be bright enough for us to take the next step.
Just as a car headlights will only illuminate the road to be taken,
And not the destination.

"Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word of Christ."

Romans 10:17

A leader's life is a tougher life,
But a much better one.
Live with more faith,
And you'll see God in every step.
This is the best life one can have.

God knows as well,
The desire of our hearts,
And He rewards/gives us our desires respectively.
Believe me,
This is so true.

2, Wisdom increases increase.

"Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom. Though is cost all you have, get understanding."

Proverbs 4:7

Just as a professor gives information at lectures,
How we digest and apply the information is wisdom.
Provision,
God used to provide,
The israelites in the desert,
They had manna and quail,
And all they had to do was gripe and complain every day.
Where was the labor?
Where was the hard work?
God provided provision.
Possession,
Was now Joshua's turn.
He had to lead them to possess the promised land,
They had to work for it,
They had to believe.
The 10 unbelieving spies,
They still wanted God's free provision,
"They're too strong for us,
They're like giants and we're like grasshoppers,
We can't fight them"
(O Lord,
U kill them for us and we'll just walk up and take the land,
Just like the manna and quail)
But when they worked,
They marched for 7 days,
They did their part,
And God provided with His provision,
The walls came down with only a shout..
How cool is that.

So now, God wants us to move on to Possession from Provision.
We have to take for ourselves what is meant for us.
Nothing is "free" any longer. (",)
Lord is You love me then bless me.
That is long over,
For the Holy Spirit is already with us.
As for me,
I need to become a doctor,
That can give medicine and the hope of life to my patients.

3, Honesty/Integrity keeps the increase.
Be honest,
Remain honest,
And we will continually be blessed.

How good is the Lord,
And how wonderful is His Word.
And here's the man of God who made this possible,

Reverend Kevin Loo
Senior pastor of City Harvest Church KL
The fastest growing church in Malaysia
From 20-1400 people in 2 years
(He can, we can)
Faith..!!

MF Graduation

2009-02-24T05:10:00.000-08:00

There.. The MF Graduation pic. Can anyone find me? =p

I really need to find a better one..

Sunday's Sermon

2009-02-23T13:35:00.000-08:00

Sunday's sermon at ICA really struck me.. So I'll share it with you all. Hope it blesses you too. (",)

10 Reasons To Hope When You're Hurting..

1, God Is Truly In Control.
2 Corinthians 1:8-9

2, There Is An Eternal Life To Come.

3, The Story Isn't Finished Yet.
Genesis 50:19-20

4, God Has Not Given Up On You, Don't Give Up On Him.
Jeremiah 29:11

5, There Is Likely Purpose In Your Pain.
James 1:2-4

6, You Are Loved.
Isaiah 61:1-3

7, Your Prayers Are Heard.
Matthew 7:9-10
Jeremiah 33:3

8, You Are Not Facing This Alone.
Hebrews 13:5-6

9, Others Have Made It Though, You Can Too.
Ecclesiastis 4:12

10, Reach Out To Someone Else Who Is Struggling.
Philippians 4:6-7

And so I've come to realize,
That God has once again reminded me,
That He's there.
It's not about the pain,
It's not about the suffering,
It's not about me,
But it's all about Him.
Everything I go through has meaning,
Every pain I feel through my heart has a purpose,
I'm supposed to become a better man.
So, I take heart,
And tell God,
Hold me and my life once again,
Don't let me feel pain alone,
But help hold me past the suffering.
Moving on.

By the way, on this very special sunday, 112 Malaysians from both MMA and RMSU graduated from the discipleship course which lasted 4 months. And of course, I was among them. It was a great event, we received signed certificated from the pastor in front of the whole church and we took photos and had fun. Unfortunately, I only have one photo now. When I can get the group photos, I'll update the blog again.. (",)

*tee hee*

My testimony.

2009-02-21T13:32:00.000-08:00

I recall.
2 weeks ago,
Sitting in church,
It was time for offering,
The pastor was praying,
My eyes were closed,
I recalled,
My responsibility,
Requesting sponsorship from Russian Resources Sdn. Bhd.,
The meeting didn't go well,
Subsequent correspondence was dejecting,
I was wondering,
If they would ever decide to sponsor,
USD 1000 was wanted by boss,
The more the better he had said,
But the 1000 was hoped for,
And there seemed to be much indecision in RRSB..

I recalled,
Testimonies given,
Where people had given,
With faith that God would open the floodgates of heaven,
And they had received,
And the thought came to me,
1000 ruble note,
Right there in my wallet,
It was a large sum to me,
Enough to last me a week,
In the most expensive city in the world,
And I wasn't very well off,
Recession was there,
And the thought of being a good steward came too,
Was giving so much being a good steward?

I struggled,
I wrestled,
And the desire to test God came,
I prayed,
I said,
"Lord, I give 1000 rubles with faith that You'll provide USD 1000 from RRSB",
And I struggled,
I fought,
It was hard to let go,
And the offering bag came,
My tightly clenched fist over the opening,
I took a deep breath,
I thought,
"Lord, use this, I trust You, help me trust You",
I let go,
The note fell,
I sighed.

And today I was reminded,
Of how my prayer was answered,
I didn't think of it at the time of answering,
But Andrew's testimony jogged my memory,
20th Feb,
Friday,
The last day for receiving sponsors,
Because we had to print the program books the very next day,
And I woke up in the morning,
I don't know why,
But I just went and checked my e-mail,
And there,
An e-mail from RRSB,
"Dear Aaron,
We're depositing RM3,500 into the account today",
I ran to WanSim the treasurer,
I asked what to do,
Was it still possible to receive sponsors,
And she said,
"Praise The Lord,
RM3,500 is equivalent to USD 1000,
Ask them for advertisements or logos to put in program book",
And that was that.

God is good,
He has never once failed me,
It's only me that refuses to follow Him,
It's only me that places blame on Him when lessons come,
And it's only me that doesn't see things His way,
And as such,
Today I realize,
The Good Lord didn't forget,
He saw my insignificant 1000 rubles,
Placed into the offering bag with faith,
And together with a lot of struggling,
And He blessed it 36x,
For USD 1000 is equivalent to 36,000 rubles.

Ah,
He is good,
He is so good.
Praise The Lord for ever and ever.
Amen.
(",)

Moving On..

2009-02-21T13:05:00.000-08:00

Life wasn't easy.
It still isn't.
But I'm glad some of it has passed.

Now I'm moving on,
I'm gathering myself together,
I'm pulling my life together,
And I'm taking my step forward,
Forever leaving the past behind,
No matter how much I'll miss it,
Nor how much I'll crave it,
Neither however much I want to stay there,
For life does not wait for me,
Time creeps on,
Forever moving,
Forever ticking,
And if I want to keep up,
I have to keep moving on.

Homework awaits,
Studies too,
And there's still the One Life Event to look forward to.
Pending work,
Delayed chores,
And the mountain high promises yet to keep.
Life awaits,
And as long as I still draw breath,
I must keep moving on..

Moving on...

Life now..

2009-02-20T00:53:00.000-08:00

Life is hard on me now,
I feel like collapsing,
I don't know what to do,
I don't know what to decide,
I don't know what to think anymore..

I'm unable to juggle between my studies and the event of One Life,
I find that many of my work has now been put on pending,
Every time I think about it I stress out,
Travelling to and from classes has already taken much of my time,
What more having to call and confirm programs and performances,
And my only holiday on coming Monday has been taken up by Big Boss in Spartiv.

What a to do..
Prayer doesn't work,
My throat is really sore,
I don't feel like talking,
I'm really tired,
I always oversleep,
I don't have self-control,
I hate writing lectures,
I hate copying notes,
I wish I could love what I do,
But for the record,
I'm really glad God is keeping me busy.

So, I really hope God can help me cope,
help me to complete all I need to do,
and help me to keep progressing,
both in studies and emotionally.
For when I'm stressed,
I think too much,
I want too much,
Though now I can't expect anything,
But still,
Past events in my life come flooding back,
And I try my hardest to push them away,
Sleep helps,
But only for a moment,
And I really cannot afford to wake up late any longer..

God help me..!!!!

Wondering..

2009-02-17T20:00:00.000-08:00

Roses wilt,
Health fades,
Beauty passes,
Hope dwindles,
Strength weakens,
Friendship sours,
Relationships breaks,

Nothing lasts,
Nothing is eternal,
Nothing is forever,
But one..

Thank you Lord Jesus for being the One and Only which we can place our hope and trust and life and not be disappointed. Show me the way, show me the path, show me your divine plan for the life ahead of me.

Life is never easy..
But is bearable when God is by your side..
(",)

Sick!!

2009-02-16T14:35:00.000-08:00

I fell sick on sunday.. You know, the kind of sickness which progresses slowly while you're awake and you have the luxury of slowly feeling every part of your body shut down and weaken due to the disease. Normally I would fall sick after waking up in the morning and realising that my body doesn't feel right. But this time, I had the "pleasure" of feeling my body slowly degenerate. I ended up with a sore throat, mild tonsilitis, slight fever, throbbing headache and frequent high fluctuation of body temperature every 15-20 mins..

Being sick has forced me to spend more time in bed.
And thus, more time for me to think,
To daydream,
And as such,
Past issues,
Things I had wanted to forget,
Has been awakened.

As mentioned,
Put aside,
Forgotten,
All means they weren't meant to be remembered,
They weren't meant to be recorded,
They were things of the past,
Whose presence brought hurt,
Pain..

The more I tried to forget,
The more I remembered,
And the more my heart cried.
Outwardly I was fine,
I had forgotten how to cry,
But inside hurt so much I wasn't sure I could recuperate..

I cared.
I still care.
I'm sure I would always care.
I know it's not my position to care anymore,
But I can't help it.
The more I try not to,
The more I notice,
And the more it affects me.

Thus, praise God,
He reminded me,
He was still there,
He had never left,
But I was the one who rejected Him,
I was the one who was unhappy at His decision,
I was the one who was impatient,
He called,
Never ending,
Never ceasing,
Always waiting,
Until I finally heard,
I finally responded,
I finally said,
"Lord, I'm sorry,
Please help me,
I'm unable to walk this path alone,
It is too hard for me,
But with You,
Nothing is impossible,
Nothing is improbable,
And everything will turn out for the better,
When You have a hand in it."
And He heard me,
He held me,
He hugged me,
He carried me,
He wept and said,
"My son,
It's been so long,
I'm glad you've finally came back,
Now let me carry you through your turmoils,
Let me soothe your pain,
Let me cover the past,
And show you the future,
My plans for you,
Always for your good,
I LOVE YOU."

Finally, something which gets me going when I'm down,
From the song, Hey Whatever by Westlife,

Well I can't control the universe
'Cause I'm only a man
I may read the papers
But they won't tell me who I am

And if you really need a new philosophy
Well there's one that makes sense
The one I prefer is

I say HEY WHATEVER
Let your beauty come alive
Let your color fill the sky
And SAY WHATEVER
Why don't you liberate your mind
Let your color fill the sky

Amen. All glory and praise to the Lord most High. (",)

Wow..

2009-02-14T15:55:00.000-08:00

Today I spoke to her,
We washed dishes together,
Life somehow brought us together,
At the time when it didn't really matter.

She started it,
I just decided to help wash when she flicked water at me.
Surprised, she was playing with me again.
And that made me realise, it was me again.
I thought she wouldn't talk to me,
I thought she wouldn't be with me,
But I was wrong.
It was me,
I avoided her..

And now I know,
I need to go,
To be the one,
To start the fun.

I have to make more opportunities to spend moments with her.
For it wouldn't happen much on it's own.
But I'm glad God gave me this opportunity,
To make me understand that I was wrong,
And give me a chance to start again.

Thank you C for giving me my life back.
And thank you Lord for putting me on the right track.

I'm free.. (and now i really really need lots and lots of sleep..)

An Eventful Day...

2009-02-14T05:35:00.000-08:00

Friday. 13th February. Friday the 13th. I wonder...

I was put on one of the sponsor teams to go to airlines and student travel agents to ask for sponsorships for the One Life Event we're organizing. And thus, I was paired up with WanSim. So we left early in the morning, after I dressed up really formal and had WanSim do up my hair..

1st stop was SIA. And unfortunately the General Manager wasn't present. So we presented our proposal to the highest in command at the office and she told us to e-mail her the proposal so she could forward it to her Manager. And only on Monday would they converge and hold a meeting to discuss our sponsorship offer. I have faith that God will provide funds through them and however much would be enough.

Then the time was very "alang-alang".. Didn't have enough time to travel to the next agent but yet too early for class.. So in the end, the decision was to go to class and revise our russian (yes, it's russian class.. my "favourite"-sarcastic). Ooh, I had a blast telling everyone who asked why we were dressed up so formally that we were out on a date.. (",) Obviously everyone knew I was joking away as usual. *Aaron the clown/big mouth*

And then, it was time for russian class. My new teacher, Nika, is super cuuute!! Omgosh.. She could be my age.. Imagine my sister trying to teach me russian.. Wow.. But we had much fun conversing with her. She's ukranian, lives westward on the outskirts of Moscow and travels 30mins everyday to get to class. And she was like, couldn't close her mouth at all. She would smile at every little thing and her smile is the sweetest.. (But of course there are 3 other people whose smile is sweeter than hers, 1st, my mom, 2nd, my sis, 3rd, a girl, younger than me, but not telling her name.. =p) If I have the opportunity, I'll get a picture with her and put it up for you all to see.. (",) Patience..

After class.. Rush to Alamin Travels. Ah.. WanSim and I, we had fun.. She went there before. But by walking. Thus, this time, she got instructions from a junior about how to take a bus there. And so, we got out at the crossroads, went to the bus stop and got on bus no.121. And we traveled. From M.Profsayousnaya, passed M.Akademicheskaya, made a turn.. And I started to suspect something was wrong.. But WanSim reassured me. She told me that we wouldn't get lost and that all we had to do was sit tight and we would arrive. So I relaxed. Looked at the scenery, observed a shopping mall and hypermarket that I made note to visit someday. We passed a nuclear reactor too. My first up close. (",) And then, WanSim started to freak out.. And then it was my turn to chill her out. So we sat in the bus till it reached M.Tolskaya, super far away according to my map. And we had to take the metro back to M.Profsayousnaya. *chuckles* Crossroads remember? So, there are 4 directions to go in. She took me on the wrong one. =p It took us an hour to travel some place that would normally take 5 mins. But it was great experience. You know the irony of it? The agent we were supposed to meet wasn't there, it was his day off.......

Hahaha.. That sure was fun. (",) In a way......

Later back at home, I had to prepare the Valentine's Day dedications to our hostel. I had suspected but had never expected so many dedications. Seems like there are so many people who like other people whether openly or secretly. Well, my friends who were also in charge of this event helped me to deliver the roses and tiramisus. And it was fun, but was waay past my bed time.. And God is really humorous.. I remember telling myself that I would have a quiet Valentine's Day alone to rethink about my problem last time. But I ended up with 2 roses and 3 tiramisus. I only expected 1 tiramisu because I made a deal with a friend who also wanted to try out the tiramisu that we would send dedications to each other. But I didn't realise I would receive so many.. I really didn't know what to do..

In the end, I decided to enjoy whatever came to me as a blessing from God since this will probably my first and only time receiving something unexpected on Valentine's Day. Of course I gave a few special gals gifts, but they were nothing more than a gesture of love and friendship and thanks.

Here are some pictures of me looking handsome with a pretty partner when we had to dress up to go look for sponsors. And some of my Valentine gifts.. (",)

Me, WanSim and Vashni..3 business professionals.. (",)

Me and Vashni..wide sweet smiles =)

And poor WanSim doesn't know how to smile.. XD

3 tiramisus..

3 dedications..

2 roses. 1 isn't mine. (",)

There you have it. My day before Valentines. May be back with more for Valentine's Day..

The Most Stressful Day Currently.. (I'm sure more stressful days are yet to come)

2009-02-10T19:34:00.000-08:00

Well, life started as usual yesterday..:

5.30am-Started my fast and pray for the One Life Event.

6.30am-Prepared my stuff for classes that day.

9.00am-Out the door and going for biochemistry lecture.

11.20am-Lecture ended. Now i needed to reregister my visa because I left Moscow for a little while..

11.40am-Reached the dean's office. And this is where my day really begun..

The visa department only starts working at 2.30pm. But from past experiences, the place will be jammed packed full with students rushing to submit their visas. And so, arriving on time is a great mistake which any freshman would learn pretty fast. Thus I already decided to wait as the first in line from 11.40am-2.30pm. I had with me my 'KaChe' and HanYin for company. And I was only supposed to do our 3 visas.

So we bided our time by chit-chatting, by completing our lecture notes, by playing games, gossiping.. And time crawled by. And finally, the long awaited hour arrived. 2.00pm. The place was already packed like a sardine can. People were squeezing everywhere and it was all I could do to remain in my first student spot in front of the door. Can't understand what I'm going through? Let me give you a picture. MMA has approximately 3300++ medical students currently studying there. And their office is a 5x8m space connected to the outside world by a 3x50m corridor. And since the government required every student to submit their visas within 3 working days from arrival, and this Tuesday was their first working day of the week. So if 10% of students went for holiday (which by the way is too few), there would be about 330 students crammed into that narrow corridor awaiting their turn..

By 2.20pm, I had 14 passports with me from late hopefuls and I was already worried about what was going to happen to me inside that office. And time stood still.. Second by second till 2.30pm, it was painful to wait. But finally, the door opened and I was pushed in by the russian gal behind me. And the problems began.

Some smart kid told her friend that the visa obtaining paper wasn't required for submittion since we were submitting our original visas. What a big mistake that was and the amount of trouble it caused me was to no end. My russian isn't very good and I couldn't really understand what was needed of me. So the lady behind the counter was starting to get really pissed off and on top of that, the crowd outside was pushing to get into the office. The russians were the rough rude ones and wouldn't even back off when scolded by the administration.

Anyway, I had to call Richelle to bring those papers up for the late additions and I still tried to get the visas submitted. And each time I opened the door to the corridor, I would be greeted by a crowd of bodies jammed tightly there and I had to be careful not to let them burst in while trying to get the items needed from friends stuck outside..

Praise God, finally, I managed to get 13 passports registered and I was told to get lost. And the lady behind the counter wished me luck trying to get out. (",) I had to man handle my way out of the office and forcefully push my way past the corridor to the open air in the lobby.. And even that was nearly packed. And when I looked at my watch.. 4.30pm. Goodness!! What happened to the time..?

My 'KaChe' calmed me down and we went home together. And praise God, my roomies cooked dinner for me and were waiting for me to break fast together.. Sigh, the food was sooooo good.. Then I had assignments, responsibilities as Program Leader for the One Life event to complete. Even the highest boss called me and gave me a short but extremely saturated 10mins lecture. Ooh.. Stress. And I still had to run errands for 14th Feb and Neils Isaac's birthday card.

I really thank God that I was able to sleep at 11pm to prepare for my next 5.30am wake up. And thus so ended my hectic day. I'm sure Wednesday isn't so bad. Will it? *.*

PS. I talked to C today and she talked to me too. And even though it was only about the One Life Event stuff, it felt really nice to be on talking terms with her again. Although it wasn't very comfortable but I'm still happy that it's progressing nicely. God still has a lot of work to do on me until I can see her as a good friend and talk comfortably to her without feeling my face heat up and adrenaline pump. Or that I wouldn't try my best to avoid her.

I wonder.. What do I feel now.. Love should last forever, through thick or thin and no matter whether the target responds or not.. But, I'm confused, what do I feel now.. Is it love that tells me to drop all my feelings and get back to normal or is it the puppy love that's finally going away.. I was so sure it was real love. What happened to me..?

The First Day Of The Second Semester Of Second Course..

2009-02-09T19:11:00.000-08:00

What would you do if every time you fell in love with someone,

you had to say goodbye...

What would you do if every time you wanted someone,

they would never be there...

What would you do if for every moment you were truly happy,

there would be 10 moments of sadness...

And finally...
What would you do if you loved someone more than anything else,

but you could never have them...

They say that love is patient and love is kind,
It does not envy not does it boast,
It is not proud.
It ain't rude nor self seeking,
yet is not easily angered.
It keeps no record of wrongs,
delights with the truth and shunts evil.
And love will always protect,
Always trust,
Always hope,
And always persevere.

It is so easy to talk about such things,
And yet,
To show an action of love is so tough.
People talk about love all over the world,
But as the 'Black Eyed Peas' once said,
Where is the love?

If I really loved,
If it weren't just a fleeting feeling,
I know deep down inside,
That those are what I need to do.
To be patient and kind,
To not be envious,
To not be easily angered,
And forget all wrongs done to me.
Can I always protect, always trust,
Always hope, always persevere?

It isn't easy,
To see you everyday,
Even the thought that you might show up at anytime,
Keeps my heart pumping for quite a time..
This isn't good,
For it isn't what that should,
And it keeps me on my toes for quite some time,
Making me waste much of my non-returnable time.
Thus, I tell myself,
To not lose thyself,
But to try my best to keep away,
And to save my sorrows for another day.
It ain't easy,
To be so freely,
But for my sake, your sake, and most of all, God's sake,
I'll do my best, to show God's best, and most of all, to be your best.

...................................................................
Now now now, enough with all the emo crap.
About yesterday, I got up at 5.30am to begin my 20 day fast and pray for the upcoming One Life event being organized on the 1st of March. After bringing everything to God and letting Him take care of all our troubles and burderns, I began my day.

6.30am Packed my books for class that day.

7.00am Had breakfast of 2 soft-boiled eggs with my roommate Andrew.

7.30am Rushed out to catch the bus. Late already.

8.15am Entered the biochemisty department. Surprise surprise.. I actually arrived early..

9.00am Got the shock of my life when I found out that they changed my biochemisty lecturer and now I have a sad old lady who looks homely but is quite known for giving miniature tests every class.. Ooh.. Stressed..

11.30am Still staring blankly at my lecturer without understanding much of what she's saying. *Mental note to start studying.. DX'*

12.30pm Freedom!! ...for the time being. And made my way with my colleagues to the physiology department for lecture.

1.20pm Glasachev is exactly punctual..as usual.. And another mental note to really really truly start studying..

3.00pm Again, a punctual ending of class. To the minute exactly.. I wonder how much the dean is paying him.. (",) And I rush off to the library to return my books and get new ones for the new semester.

5.00pm Finally reach home.. Started grabbing stuff to cook. I made soup, vegetable soup..with pepper. And Vashni made black sauce chicken with red chili. Ooh. Was soooo good..

6.00pm Andrew, Marcus, Vashni, WanSim and I broke fast together. Marcus fell for the thumbs up trick and had to give thanks for our dinner.. =p

7.30pm Clearing and tidying up my study area. Getting rid of unneeded books and arranging new semester stuff..

9.00pm Prayer meeting. Was great as usual. But this time, I tried so hard, but it still didn't really keep me from getting distracted once in a while, cuz C was there. But I'm sure that's a good start cuz I didn't go wild inside. =) God will change me. And another mental note: Make sure Gan plays the guitar for prayer meeting tomorrow so I can concentrate on praying.

10.30pm Prayer meeting ended. I chased most people out of my room and went to sleep amongst the remaining chatter left by overenthusiastic people who needed to get some things done.

Next thing I knew was my alarm waking me up at 5am to get ready for my next fast and pray session. (",)

Be back soon, I hope.. God bless you all.

Going Back To Moscow..

2009-02-08T19:28:00.000-08:00

Sorry for not updating my blog for awhile. But i've been busy settling down after arriving back in Moscow. Thus now, I'm taking a few minutes out to just go through what I've been through on the 6th February, the day I left home and everything comfortable and loved by me..

These are the stuff that I needed to bring back for other people.. My responsibility.. *.*

And these are my things, things I wanted to bring back with me..
I'm actually not sure how I managed to pack everything into that luggage bag and another box and still kept withing my 30kg limit.. =) Praise God..

I'll miss my "family" back in Malaysia..

KLIA. The train to the international departure hall.

My flight was at 2.10am. Look at the beauty of the night sky. Even without the creation of the sun, it still looks so pretty, so serene.. I remember being in denial when sitting in the train with my sister..

There.. Arrival.. By this time, I was at the stage of resignation already. Passed the stage of stress, worry, denial and now resignation. Resigned to do whatever I couldn't run away from..

My first time on Emirates. And I actually had to take a shuttle bus out to the airplane.. Goodness.. Is this how low Emirates is treated??

And hello Dubai.. Reached around 4am their time which would equal to about 8am Malaysia time..

And again, shuttle bus to the terminal.. =]

My first impression of Dubai.. Not too good.. Sigh..

And the terminal..

And the people!!!!!! Omgosh.. And there were 8 lines for baggage scanning..

Wow.. But I still want a manual drive, white, Kancil to call my own..

Some of the unaffordable stuff on display..

My favourite.. Can't tell what are those? Dolphins!! *squeals*

And the duty free shop. Guess they cater for children too eh? Pretty good business management..

And the plane. Boarded after a gruelling 4 hours wait in dubai airport.. Look at the brightness of the sky.. Sigh..

And the plane..

And finally, glad to say, I made it back to Moscow safely. Praise God for the safe journey. Now gotta rush off to class. Guess I should leave my blogging to night time.. Aite, be back with more of my life as it comes at me, whether it be good or bad, enjoyable or intolerable, I'll still have to get through it.

Ah, my teacher had better be late.. !!!!

Unpleasant Memories..

2009-02-04T18:41:00.000-08:00

I went yesterday to KL to meet up with some people and exchange things that I was responsible to bring back to Moscow for some friends. I also had a mission to accomplish in Russian Resources. Thus, I went down to KL as usual with my dad in the morning and while my dad went to work, I went around KL by myself to finish whatever I had planned to do. Little did I know, this wouldn't be a good day. I accomplished what I needed to do, but this trip brought back much memories. Memories that I needed to forget, memories that I needed to put behind me in order to move on. KLE, I'm sure you know exactly what I'm talking about. Look at my order of travel, tell me if any of those jog your memory.....

I arrived at Kerinchi station as I did sometime ago in July/August 2008.

And got off at KL Sentral. This was where I waited for you remember?

This time, I had some time to chill, so I went to McD's to await arrival of my contacts. My very first Breakfast from McD's. (",)

There, the packages for Andrew and Vashni.. (",)

And next stop, Russian Resources. But no time to chit chat there like we did before and I rushed next to KLCC. Sigh. This place hurt the most. But I'm sure you've put them all behind you already haven't you, CK? I'm still trying. Do remember me in prayer..

Remember our meal here?? Remember your hurt feet? Remember what I insisted on doing for you but you wouldn't let me and in the end I let you win? Sigh..

Remember our walk under the sun? Our first time on an unofficial "date"? I can't remember what I was thinking then. But now, it hurts to remember. I need a good memory to override whatever happened here last year or I might never be able to enter KLCC again..

Remember my hunt for perfume? Remember my dislike of Davidoff? I guess it should have made a statement at that time. Though, I do remember making a subtle decision to try to get used to Davidoff since you said you liked it..

One good thing came out of this trip though, I had lunch at chili's. Guess what I had. Yeah, one order of Tostada Chips (bottomless). And I finished 3 rounds on my own for lunch. RM10++ only. Pretty worth it I guess.. And next, home. OOps.. There, the cat's outta the bag. My mom came with me to KL to do shopping but she went straight to KLCC. I only met her there for lunch after I completed all my assignments.

KLE. I'm trying. I'm really not sure how I'm going to face you back in Russia. But I'm going to tell myself to be optimistic about it. After all, how can I not try my hardest when you're already doing your best.. Do take care. And God.. Please change my mindset.. Help me change my mindset. I cannot keep harboring thoughts and feelings like this when they affect me and my studies and PR status greatly. Please....

The barbers

2009-02-03T09:09:00.000-08:00

Decided to go to the barbers today. Because I suddenly realized that my sweat could drip onto my arms without even running down my face.. Meaning that my hair was so long that it already extended out past my cheeks and my forehead. So, my mom suggested I look something like this...
Turns out I wasn't as handsome as that fella. I turned out like this...
Darn.. I'm so unattractive. Perhaps with a little gel, hairspray, some self-esteem and maybe a girlfriend... =p